Toughest unwanted battle imaginable

Hi wilsy just wanted to say 'good for you' staying true to yourself. Hate can sometimes be a driving force but as you say doesn't help. I'm learning new ways to deal with my anger too. The only person who is important is you. You can only look after you (and your pests!). The only person you can change is you. Letting go is tough and so is loneliness. Sometimes just getting through the day is an achievement. I think you're doing well.

Thank you Merry go Round, just got to get through the next few days and let these emotions drain from me and push forward. I will in this instance think of myself from now on and not put myself out anymore for people that hurt me.

Really appreciate your support at this difficult time.

Wilsy

Hiya Wilsey read some of your diary so sorry to hear what an awful time you’ve had, you’ve done brilliant staying gf very proud of you. I know how hard it is to stay strong when your hurting especially. I have ptsd so also well understand your feelings of hate, when ppl hurt us it’s something to ‘help’ us through but when your such a nice person as you are it doesn’t sit right does it. I really admire your strength and goodness. Let karma deal with them x I wish you all the very best and happiness. I’m off to my counselling in half hour, can’t wait to offload. Thanks for your post on my diary means a lot x

Hi Lulubobs,

thanks for your support and I am pleased you can relate to where I am coming from. I have for 9 months been carrying around so much pain without being able to put it to bed. I've been making excuses for someone all this time believing that there is some good in them but there really isn't. It came to a head because I stupidly wanted to help this person and stand by them but yet again I was made a fool out of and made myself look a right numpty, playing into their hands. I am such a nice person and I give so much but I also push when things don't quite sit right. I feel mortified that I mean't nothing and that they couldn't give me any of their time. It is true if someone doesn't return your call or think of you or make time for you, then they shouldn't have any part in our lives and that sadly is how I have to look at things.

Good luck with your counselling I've had all sorts of counselling it really does help but sometimes leaves you exhausted afterwards.

All I can do is try my best to get through this day.

Hi Wilsy

So true what you wrote on my diary, who cares if these hell holes disappear off our high streets, believe me if the stake gets cut to £2 then thousands of bookies will close. That is official as I am close to an area manager of C****s who has over 50 shops under him and says a stake reduction of £2 will probably close two thirds of those shops.

I don't know much but all I know is today Shaun and Wilsy won't gamble.

Take care.

Shaun

Cheers Shaun, no we won't buddy!

Well done for staying gamble free Wilsy. You are really smashing being gamble free!

Hi congrats on 110 days despite everything you'very been through. Top tip put yourself first for a change, you're worth it! Take care S:)

thanks Annie and Sharon, really appreciate your support.

DAY 111

Slept much better, no interuptions and feel refreshed. Today is another new day in another chapter in the rest of my life. I have budgeted better this month, I am looking forward to payday a week tomorrow. The car needs a few things done next month which I can afford with my commission and because I am not gambling. Feel better for my closure, sometimes you do give people too many chances and then you do have to push to really see what is behind their fake smiles. I saw all that on Saturday and I'm better off rid. Yes I have anxiety, depression and a gambling addiction/illness but I am a very good person and I think of others and try my very best to understand them but there are limits, don't take advantage of generous and thoughtful, forgiving people thinking they are a piece of rubbish and don't have feelings.

Just for another day I will work, remain positive and push on forward. The Spring and Summer are around the corner, I am going to try and get away for a week or so to mums in France which will be lovely, I have never been before and I intend to spend my days around the swimming pool drinking cold beers. That will be my target to get abroad this Summer and to enjoy myself.

Just for another day I won't gamble because I have no urges to, I don't want to and because it is a complete waste of time.

Have a great day everyone.

x

Happy day 111 Wilsy, what a great achievement. You are an inspiration to me and i am striving to reach the level of stopping that you have done. Keep up the good work, keep being positive. You are giving me (and others on this forum) immense amounts of strength. Thank you for your positivity.

Thanks Burko, even though I am going through a rotten time, I am determined to remain on top of this and continue to rack up the days. Your support has brightened my morning so thank you.

Good stuff Wilsy. France sounds amazing!

Wilsy

Stay strong and true to your goals. We both know we have wasted too much time gambling in our lives.

Thanks Annie and It'sbeenalongtime

you are right, we have wasted much time gambling, I have often always turned to it when I am troubled or upset but I will not this time, I am going to remain strong and look after myself.

Oh my Wilsy, what a fantastic target to set. . . Sat around a pool, chilling with a glass of cold beer! I'm sure that a first time visit to your mum's will mean a lot to her too!
You can do it Wilsy, I have great faith in you and can't wait to read all about it in the future!! X