Trying again.

Rock bottom
As I posted yesterday there's a lot of similarities with how weve felt recently.
But we can both come through this.Weve both been caught out by mr gamble but we can both start a fresh from this day onwards

Rock bottom, after about 3 decades of gambling & a good many nights of promising myself no more, I came looking for advice on how to control my gambling...I did not like what I saw! All the evidence leads to the need for total abstinence & I thought I loved gambling more than life itself! @ that point, I had no choice but to follow the path & only now do I see gambling for the loathsome addiction that it is! Does this mean I don't want to gamble? A few months ago I would have had to say 'Don't be crazy, of course I want to, I just want to be able to control it'! Now if I'm being completely honest, my recovery is more important & I actually don't want to gamble! I expect this to change & I will stay on my guard for when the urges come but I know for me, I am a compulsive gambler & I cannot win because I cannot stop!

You have been here before as you say, you will make it through the month & you must have a plan as to how you will keep your Time-Money-Location triangle broken come payday! Recovery is yours for the taking - ODAAT

Hi Jeff

lets hope we can both turn it around mate. I'm determined. I can't spend my life like this.

odaat,

i am in the same boat as you. I always want to just have a bet just for a but if fun but it escalates and like you, I cannot possibly win because I cannot stop until there's nothing left.

Everutume I convince myself that this time it will be different. I genuinely didn't expect this to hsppen. I thought I'd learnt my lesson. I genuinely thought I was going to have a little bet on the golf and that would be that. In reality, I probably placed in excess of 100 bets over the weekend. I'm only happy if i have an active bet, otherwise I can't relax. So I too have finally realised that it's all or nothing for me. So I must completely abstain from gambling. It should be easy to do, any sensible person would just think of all the money they'd lost and that would be a deterrent, yet for some reason, although I know it always ends in disaster, my mind tells me to try again, this time it will be different. What a fool I am!

Hi rock bottom
one of the things that concerns me is the sometimes lack of even caring if I win.
It is not the actions of a sane person.
I've got to beat this like you, me and everyone on here.
Where all in this together.

"I'm only happy if I have an active bet"... that really resonates with me. I was totally the same. I had to change my mindset. The main thing that helped for me was going to a GA meeting and meeting all the others at various points in their recovery. The single biggest thing I gained was a realisation that I cannot win the money back so I can only look forward and stop the losses accumulating. The biggest win you can get from gambling is when you quit. The money I will win from that one act will repay everything I've lost... it will take time but I'll get there. You can do the same rock bottom. I highly recommend searching for a meeting near you and going to meet others to talk through your situation.

Hi again Rock Bottom,

I hope that you can get your head together and try to realise that a lot of your old and indeed current thought processes are controlled by the addiction. Like I said in my post to you last night, this is the control that addiction can command over us all. It can convince us that we can go back to gambling time and time again, despite all the agony and heartache that it has caused us in the past. Somehow, the addiction convinces us that it's alright to go back.

Think about it. It's not a logical choice is it? Going back to do something that has given you so much despair for so many years, and left you in debt. There is nothing fun about just having a 'bet for a bit of fun' , it's what it leads to that is the major problem.

I failed for years and years to realise this myself. I was controlled by gambling when I indeed thought it was me making my own logical decisions to have a bet. Justifying it to myself as a way of saying it's ok to go back and just do a few bets. Control yourself, limit your bets this time Ade, all the same old excuses that I used time and time and time again....

You have got to commit to this recovery for it to work, and like I said previously. I hope I don't sound too harsh, but the fact is you need help. You have come to the right place, so start helping yourself my friend. Try the helpline and/or netline......come in the chatroom and talk to others in a similar situation to you.....I know it's tough, but you CAN do this. Leaving gambling and changing all those long term engrained habits and rituals that we do for sooooooo f*****G long is d**n hard. The first steps are some of the hardest cold turkey we encounter. I failed miserably time and time again. But, eventually I had my epiphany, when 76 days ago I knew that that was it for me. Enough was enough. I hope with all the support you are getting already on your diary you know that we are all rooting for you and get those barriers in place to stop you gambling.

Talk to your girlfriend as much as you need to and keep posting too.

Stay strong.

All the very best mate

Ade

Hi guys.

thanks for all the comments. I really appreciate the support. today has been tough but I got through the day at work. I just need to take it one day at a time. Really struggling to deal with what I've done, keep getting emails and calls on my phone from debt collectors and every time it happens I feel sick. I could have got some of these guys off my back but I chose to throw my money away instead.

I just can't believe it was 5 months ago when everything came out about my gambling. I was found out and promised everyone that thus was it. I'd stop. I 100% meant it as well. I just wish I could have done it. I would be in a much better situation then. Now I have months and months and months of pain to get through because of what I've done.

anyway, nearly 2 days done. I don't really have much money to gamble at the moment so not sure how much of an achievement it is but it's a start.

Hi Jeff,

the way I can accept huge losses is also quite concerning. That's how we've become compulsive gamblers I suppose. Normal people lose £20 and get annoyed and will be put off gambling. Me? I put hundreds on a single bet and don't really bat an eyelid when it loses, I just deposit more until there is none left.

Hopefully I'm done with it now. I think I might have almost run out of online bookies to join now anyway. I'm self excluded from them all.

I feel like I need to quit, not only fir me. But for my dad, who bailed me out and trusted me when I said I would stop. And also for my girlfriend, who has to see me in despair and feeling suicidal. She deserves better than that.

Well done for getting through today Rock Bottom,

Keep strong tomorrow mate.

Remember there is a lot of support here on this web-site....

All the best

Ade

Day 3.

Just been tempted to place a bet on the football but managed to remind myself of how I felt last time I was gambling.. Not going to do it.

I feel better just 3 days in. Although my situation is dire and my phone is still constantly ringing with calls from debt collectors, at least if I stop, I can stop things getting worse and worse and hopefully start to make some progress and start to get out of this mess. So determined to beat this. I've wasted 11 years of my life gambling. I wish I could get that time back but at least I can stop myself from wasting more of my life.

Well done on 3 days rock and not placing that one bet,

Stay strong and keep winning.

Suzanne xx

The bet I would have normally placed would have been a winner! I knew it would be. My bets always win when I don't put them on. It doesn't bother me though as I would have gambled the winnings until it was all gone because I know that I cannot stop.

Well done on 3 days of really winning 🙂

Apart from not having any money @ the moment, you don't mention any other blocks or plans to break your triangle except willpower! As you know, you will not always be this angry & if you block access to gambling completely rather than try & exclude from what seems like millions of sites (with new ones opening every day) this will help if you have a wobble! You also need to try & deal with your finances! I don't have my home phone plugged in because I have so many calls for someone that I don't even know (not me but I am guessing she was a CG) so I can't begin to imagine how unbearable that may be! There are people that can help you if you are that much in debt & I'm sure Gamcare can advise!

The time is gone, the money is gone but your whole life is in front of you! Keep strong - ODAAT

Hi ODAAT

There's not much I can do about my debt. I owe a 5 figure sum to hmrc, so obviously that has to be paid. Also owe a similar amount to my parents and also to my friend. Rest is loans and credit cards. Fortunately for me, I have a good career that I've somehow managed to maintain during all the madness. So if I can stay gamble free, then I can get on top of the debt quite quickly. I'm just impatient for the days, weeks and months to go buy so I can start to see progress being made.

In regards to blocking gambling completely, I think if I ever wanted to gamble, there would always be a way of doing it. I must walk past about 20 bookies a day on my way to and from work. I think the only way to not gamble is to just not want to do so and to remember the damage it has done to my life every time I'm tempted.

Boo to the amount of debt but pleased to hear that you can get on top of it!

My bad, I read you were an online gambler, I have just reread & notice the bookies have damaged you too! I completely get what you are saying about them, I spent a fortune on photos self excluding just to drive further & further to one I wasn't barred from! It wasn't until I learned online that there was no such thing as controlled gambling for me that I really dug my heels in & I have not looked back! I was able to turn my finances over & had a few serious wobbles where I tried to figure out how to do it without getting caught out but now I am scared to reset my day count & actually don't want to gamble (long may this continue)!

You are right, you can do this your way, I am sorry if I sounded judgmental, I am a bit of a gob S***e! You have my full support of course & try to be patient (I know how hard that is too) - ODAAT