Trying to find the light at the end of the tunnel

Hi Skinnt,

Welcome aboard and well done for realising you are a CG, much the same as me. I too like online slots and apparently there is some software called K9 you can use to block these sites.

Keep strong and keep posting

Best wishes

Cheryl x

Well I have not gambled since Sunday, however the weekend will be the test as I have money, albeit a small amount in my account. Many times I have sat in despair saying never again, but it is usually when I have no money to play with! Easy to say then. I have got so much motivation however from readin others stories, and I hope that I can beat this this time. I will follow the advice regarding the trilogy and withdraw the cash so I am not tempted. I will keep posting x

Hi skinnt

Well done 5 days

Keep strong and focused and use the triangle time money and location take one away and it's impossible to play

We cannot win because we cannot stop

Take one day at a time and keep posting and reading it does help

Best wishes

Suzanne x

Thank you so much Suzanne. Being a CG is a lonely place to be, and to be able to speak freely and truthfully to others who understand and more importantly are supporting you through this hard journey is humbling but also wonderful. I have spent the past few nights reading others journey and can see that there is light at the end of the tunnel, which I will take one step at a time.

Well I am here today to say that of all the things I have read on the site I totally ignored yesterday. I knew the weekend would be. Test s I hd money in I account which I intended to withdraw. However....I woke up yesterday with an almighty desire to gamble, something which I haven't had before. And you guessed it..by 9am I had lost 400! I now recognise that I am truly a CG, and that my protestations to give up, which I mean at the time, re at times when I have no fund to gamble with anyway. I have my first counselling ersion on Tuesday and hopefully will be on my journey to recovery. I also have put in plans to transfer my money in my account for bills have been paid, into. Savings one which can only be used for an ATM and not purchases. I had cancelled all my accounts but this one,which I had contacted via e mail and was waiting for a response. I have contacted them today and it is now closed. I have also up subscribed to the many e mails I receive from gambling sites, as I receive lots very day.

I will beat this.

So it's day 1. - I will win today as I choose not to gamble

Hi Skinnt,

Good luck with day 1, I like you gambled yesterday and you have done better than me as have not excluded on all sites yet.

Its such a good feeling pressing the mouse with the anticipation of a big win, but we both know we can't win cos we can't stop.

Best wishes, stay strong and I hope the counselling goes OK

Cheryl x

Hi skinnt

Wel done for not giving up giving up we cannot win because we cannot stop so what is the point of wasting our lives money and time on something that is totally destroying our lives but we can choose to abstain it is our choice at the end of the day one day at a time you can make that choice and win each day

Stay strong positive and focused

Suzanne x

Hi Skinnt. Welcome - I am a 'newbie' too, and have just started reading other people's diaries. Yours struck a chord - we are the same age, and I too am an educated professional - which means nothing when it comes to CG. I recognise your feelings and reactions. I don't have advice for you, but am here to support and share if I can. My goal is to make it to Christmas and hold my head up - having NOT gambled away my money instead of buying gifts, food etc. Normality, I know, but I'll settle for that. 🙂 x

Thankyou Ruthie, Suzanne, for your kind and thoughtful words. It's nice to share and not be judged and knowing that others who may be having a hard time themselves, are still wishing you well.

Ruthie my first goal shall be in 10 weeks when my daughter gets married, and if I can devote myself to her day without 'gambling thoughts' in any guise, money wasted , bills to pay, wanting to gamble , then I believe that I may have turned a corner on the rod to my recovery.

I have not gambled today as I do not wish to

Morning! the wedding is such a good goal. I attended my son's wedding a couple of years ago, in a dress from my wardrobe because I had no money for a new one (guess why) and I made a contribution to the wedding of less than I had previously promised in cash I had borrowed, and home-dyed my hair because I had no money for hairdressers ... PLEASE don't be in that position; every time I see a photo of the wedding I think 'I can't believe I wore that' and feel so guilty. I am willing you to succeed in your goal - it'll be worth it 🙂 xx

Thank you Ruthie. Reading what you say is like holding a mirror up to myself. I know that I would have no money for the things you say, hie and outfit if I continue to gamble.

I have red through your diary and it's like your thoughts and issues are mine!

Let's hope we can become cyber sisters and pull each other along this journey

I will not gamble today

So glad to have you on this journey with me. Stay strong - I am thinking of you xxx

Well I am nearly at the end of day 2. No thoughts of wanting to gamble even though when I checked my bank online I have fifty quid in it. This is not spare money by the way, but money which has to last me to the end of the month! But that wouldn't have previously stopped me spending it.

I spent the day cleaning the house and also shredding all the bills that I have hidden all over the house. I am in a debt management programme, but last month got a payday loan, so even the debts I have accumulated purely through gambling , haven't stopped me.

In between cleaning and shedding, I have kept coming onto the site to read the diaries of others to inspire me and to draw strength from. Tomorrow is my first counselling session, and what I recognise from here, that I need to get to the root of why I started gambling, address it, and so hopefully i won't return to it. I will continue to use the diary as it is cathartic, but not nervous about what the counselling will make me face up to.

I haven't gambled today and feel like a winner

well done to you for doing so well today hun, you are a winner because every small step is a positive one for you. like you im at the begining of my journey. i keep looking at the stories here and just hope i can beat this!

try reading or finding something else to focus your time on, good luck for tomorrow x