Trying to get through the fallout

Well I never managed to go back to sleep - lying there mind thinking of every possible scenario on how to problem solve this mess. 

I rang the bank 7am and they informed me the o/d wouldnt be stopped without notice so I feel better about that. Still not sure why charges haven't been taken and she didnt know why - maybe it was money management team trying to help me.

If I could have foreseen the impact of gambling sessions would have impacted on me and my family I hope I wouldn't have done it... I worry for my future ... I can't carry on with this stress - the sooner I can pay back these debts the better. I have never had a night like it. Yes I have gambled and lost through the night but was numb to the loss and the impact. 

As I'm trying to recover reality is staring me in the face - the consequences for my actions. I have never had a night where I haven't slept because of worry before and I feel sick this morning. 

I will jump in the shower and start my day - put the false face on to the world and deal with today.

Hey lovely lady xxx

how has your day gone??, been reading through your posts, your a strong lady & you will get there! Have spoke to your daughter more or is she not home yet?

hugs x

Hi Raws 🙂

I don't feel strong tbh... I got through work (so tired though) and was on automatic pilot - I'm thinking of moving departments and going to speak with my manager today. I just blocked everything out. 

When I came home hubby was being nice to me (which worries me). He was popping out but was chatty and he said I was a nightmare. This is actually a positive ... its like he has forgiven me for not putting in housekeeping and he has now decided to "forgive" me/speak to me.  I just said so was he. Inside I  was thinking what do I tell him about next payday and whether there is enough to put in then but just didn't have the energy to discuss and damper his mood. The pessimist in me is saying he is only being nice as pay day is coming up as more often than not, that is what happens ... he makes more effort with me.

Its our 27 years wedding anniversary today. We dont celebrate them which is sad for me....  

My daughter is home tonight and then her boyf is staying with us over the weekend as they have lots of celebrations going on. Whether she will discuss with me tonight or after the boyf has gone home I'm not sure.

On the positive, I had a good night's sleep last night - a solid 8 hours!

Thanks so much for popping on.. it means a lot Raws xx Hope you are well.