Understanding our unhealthy emotional triggers even at Christmas.

Hi

I am a non religious person yet I am a much healthier spiritual person.

During my unhealthy addiction and obsessions days I use to want to escape just before and after Christmas.

In time I got to understand that those were my emotional triggers.

Before Christmas my expectations got higher and higher and then at Christmas I felt disappointed and let own.

Was it the presents I was disappointed with, I think it was due to lack of emotional intimacy, people could not give me something they did not have.

Then after Christmas it was the high level of bills and also I had tried to escape from Christmas to my addiction and my obsessions.

It was very important for to get to know and understand what all of my emotional triggers were.

The buzz I use to feel while in action was very much unhealthy fear and adrenaline based.

I did not know how emotionally vulnerable and unhealthy I was before walking in to the meetings. 

I use to think that I would be the last person on this planet to give up my addictions and my obsessions.

I could not believe it when people told the date of their last bet I was such a liar I could not believe other people.

Emotional triggers for me my were pains I could not heal, an emotional trigger were my were fears I could not face and reduce, an emotional trigger were my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations I could reduce, an emotional trigger were my fears of emotional intimacy and feeling a loner and disconnected, an emotional trigger for me was boredom because I could feel productive and I was not able to commit to my needs my wants and in time set goals for me to achieve.

In saying to myself I have to implies reluctance and resentments.

If your boss asked to work a month without any pay what would you feel.

Yet how many times did I  work and then give my money away to complete strangers.

Only once I was able to abstain from my unhealthy habit could the healing happen of my hurt inner child.

It was the easy option to talk about money or being in action.

Recovery is about starting to heal my pains.

Gambling was a form of self abuse and self destruction.

In going to meetings therapy based I would not longer focus on money or gambling.

I would focus on me becoming a much healthier person.

Guilt shame regret is the consequences of going against my own healthy conscience.

As I heal and become healthier I no longer live in the pains of my past.

Only when I love myself can I love other people.

Only when I respect myself can I respect other people.

How much do I value myself today.

How much time and effort am I willing to invest in me becoming a much healthier person today.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham