Waking Up!

Hi mate. Thanks for popping over to my diary. Well done for coming to the site. You sound very positive which is great. The advice I will give you is stay close to this place. Some great people on here (including another Welshman ADT785) you may have to comfort each other haha. But post daily and read other diaries. Well done mate on your first step.

Stay safe

Gaz

Thanks Gaz - I've giving myself a kick a few times but never got the bottle up to join. I see this as this a big step for me. Normally this time of the evening I'm blowing cash so this is definitely a positive - it's inspiring to read your diary and I'm starting my own to keep me going. Thank you

Busy day but want to keep this going. Day 3, no problem at all. Completely focused. Getting take away with the money is normally waste. Feel really good about things.

Great Jas. early days and it seems to be going well. Keep open the possibility you may need more help, Gamcare offers counselling and lots of different help besides. Tri

Thanks for the support Tri. I know I'm not out of the woods yet but I'm in the path and following the breadcrumbs!

Day 4: I know it's early but...
Wife and kids are still in bed, a perfect time to do online and gamble usually. Today, I'm using this time to install blocking software on every Internet outlet in the house.

Just 4 days but to put a financial value on it, that's a minimum of £80 saved but more realistically 5 or 6 times that amount with the way I was getting out if control.

Something I've also realised is that any other time that I've promised myself it's the last time, had been because I'd blown every penny I had. This time I still have money available but there's no temptation, not even when I'd had a drink.

4 down, rest of my life to go.

Morning Jas, well done on your recovery so far 🙂

You've made a good choice choosing blocking software over gambling, like the tesco adverts say "every little helps"...and the software certainly will help.

Have a nice weekend 🙂

Day 5 - Sundays...these have always been my problem days. Wife works a long shift, weather is rubbish, kids are upstairs playing and I'd normally be logging on to a gambling site about now wondering which slot is about to spill it's jackpot.

It's crossed my mind already but I've shut that door. I'm self excluded everywhere, the software is on but I know I could find a way around it if I really wanted to. But, and here's the thing that's driving me, I don't want to come on here and have to confess to giving up or not coming on here at all.

It's still in mind, I could get another big win, it would clear my credit card and I'd have a new start but I can see now how it would go. I might win a little, I may even win what I want/need but then I'd keep going, wanting more and more until I not only lose what I deposit but the chaser money too. It would spiral and by the end of night I'd be feeling ashamed again.

Instead, I'm bashing the keyboard and sharing it on here. I know people tell me I should talk to somebody about it but that won't work for me, I'm not that sort of person so I deal in my own way. Yesterday I didn't resist spending money as I normally would do because I want to keep it for gambling. Took the family out again - that's the first time in ages I can remember we've had two "treats" on consecutive days - why did I ever think that chasing impossible money was more important than spending time with the kids?

When I logged in to here I was feeling the urge to go hunting for a way to gamble, now, just a minute or two of typing and my resolve is as strong as it was five days ago and my perspective is back.

I just have to keep remembering that I've just got finished, after 12 years, clearing the debt from when I first screwed up and that I know I wouldn't survive going back to those dark days.

Day 7 - I made the first week!

It'd be a lie if I said I hadn't thought about gambling numerous times a day throughout the last week. The itch is still there but I've no desire to scratch it.

blocking software on, self excluded from every site I can find and I've stayed away from the pub to keep me from fruit machines.

My big motivator is actually spending the money I would have blown on other things and people. Have to keep this in mind, every time I think I'd like to go gamble £20, £50, £100 or whatever it is, I'm reminding myself what else I could do with the money.

So, one week down...

Day 8 - still going strong.

That's all for today - too much football to catch up on!

Day 11..quick post.

Still keeping away. Just found myself thinking about finding a site I'm not yet excluded from to have a little go. Checked myself and logged on here instead.

Getting easier.

Smart move nothing to gain from having a bet.

You still have access to your money Jas? Is that something you can look at? Tri