So I thought it time for another diary after I buried my old one deep in the Gamcare vault's some months ago , I feel the need to walk away sometimes with no disrespect to this forum but in order to have some "Me Time "and although this has been the longest away so far, 3yrs on gamble free some of the difficult reading I encounter on this forum is still tough to deal with .
I need to vent somewhere occasionally and although my partner's the most wonderfull woman I could wish for and will listen for England I still feel that to truly understand the reasoning of a Compulsive gambler you have to be one and so take comfort from these pages, which in turn bring's me back to the title I've chosen " Hotel California " by the Eagles and with the apt verses "We are all just prisoners here of our own devise " and " You can check out anytime but you can never leave " , written for CG if I do say so myself :)) .
I don't want to post as much on here as I used to in the early stages ( huge sigh of relief from some ) as I really don't have the time these day's , which in itself is a testiment as to how not gambling has changed my life to the polar opposite of when I arrived , gambling was what I lived and breathed for far to many years , lost years that cannot be replaced, so now I live life the way it should , siezing every opportunity that's gifted to me :)) .
So for now that's it , the first page laid down with an open invite to any that want a chat or a rant or a virtual cup of tea and slice of cake ?.
My name is Alan and I'm a Compulsive gambler ( no bet for 3yrs ish ? ) .
Hello Alan,
Seeing a new diary from your self bought a wry smile to these chops. Possibly sad of me but you were always someone I enjoyed having a set - to with.
Anyway, now you’ve got your own page, congrats on hitting the 3 year mark, takes focus and dedication! Also from seeing a post on Martins diary I see you and your partner is still fostering, that’s a lot of giving and very admirable.
These pages for me is somewhere not completely to vent but get some thoughts into black and white, a separation of sorts to decipher something out ? Not sure whether that makes sense ? Have also moved away from posting much, but will have a look at a quiet moment. Away at the moment, so luckily for me I’m having many quiet moments
A question as seems cryptic but where does 1+3+5 or 135 refer to ?
So rant away Alan and good luck but please no jokes
Hey Paul , It's always good to hear from my old sparring partner and it's all been part of the " Recovery process " and the important thing is were all still friends at the end of the day .
Thank's also for the congrats and the praise regarding the fostering but in all honesty it's great to see the kid's moods lift day after day , which I find quite incredible after what some have witnessed or been through .
Great to hear your getting some gamble free time behind you again but I also see your not where you'd like to be just yet but given time I'm sure that will come Paul and I wish you well .
I can understand you coming here to chew thing's over and reflect on the word's youv'e written on these pages as it's a great place to chuCk your ideas and feelings around .
The 135 ? just the numbers on my old mums front door and the place I did my growing up ( mind you not sure if I have grown up yet ?) but work in progress :)) .
Many thank's Paul for being the first to come around and I'll catch up soon , I hope we don't go a few rounds again but if we do my old Dad Martin will be around no doubt to keep me in check :))) .
Look after yourself mate and talk to you soon .
AL X
Wow a couple of post around the place and now a new diary, nice to see you offering some words of wisdom around here, sure I even saw someone saying they was following your guidance. I like you aren’t around here all the time so might not notice you getting into trouble so you will have to be on your best behaviour lol. I woke up the morning to a post on my diary from Admin and thought I was in trouble, but it was only Eva saying hi and well done which was nice.
Glad you cleared up the A 9 name thing I thought you was named after motorway in Scotland or a new paper size A9 would be the size of a postage stamp.
You asked the other day about foxy Loxxie, the last time I spoke she was doing fine in fact better than fine she was doing great, I’ve been c**P at keeping in touch so must check in on her soon.
Congrats on the 3 year ish checking back on my diary I think it was the 7th Sep so a couple of days to go before you can have your cake
KTF x
Hi Alan,
Congratulations on 3 years. I know I didn't leave things on the bestest of terms. I would like to think we have more in common and I have learned to respect our differences. Anyway, glad to see you around the diaries again.
Joan
Hey A9
I learnt yesterday at the meeting not to bother with the numbers (money won, money lost). Its about leading a more fulfilling life and escaping the first bet... That's all really.
I try to read other forums for help and guidance but occasionally a poster will quote numbers - small amounts they turned into big amounts then invariably lost...
However it gets the sirens blaring in my head. My blocks are watertight but it rattles me when people quote big wins they had on their journey. How do I cope with the lure about reading about someone else's big win? Remember it is early days for me so far... I feel a bit embarrassed and ashamed coming to you for advice about this.
On a positive note I read the GA literature (both booklets) today. Really insightful. Signposted my wife to gamanon. Will try to enjoy the recovery process and focus on what I need to do next rather than what I have done. I will also be embracing the maturity element of the program and the unity declaration.
However as mentioned above rattled by talk on here of winning large and specific amounts of money. Any advice. Am I ready for recovery if I'm thinking like this. I think I am.
Just wanted to say thanks for all the help you have given me so far... I hope eventually I can stand tall but thanks for helping to pick me up off my knees to start the fight back.
Your welcome S :)) The kind people of this forum did the same for me when I arrived and was at rock bottom so it’s always good to pass it forward:)) Have a great day fella :)))
Hi Alan, thank you for posting on my diary. Yes, it's so true that "if you don't put the first bet then second won't follow". Many congratulations on being gamble free for more than 3 years! That is incredible and truly inspirational. Have a nice evening.
Pras
Yo mr fish..!
How jolly nice to hear from you..
I knew you'd be just fine...
Feel a tad guilty that I've missed the three year party....but trouble is life's just so manic without the chains of addiction ....I'm like a dog with two .....feet !
Living life to the full....
Hey. ....don't go thinking I'm living it up big time.....I'm not...
It's normal life....pub..kids..grandkids ...and now spending as much time as I can with my dear old mum. ...who needs constant company at the mo...and tis all a pleasure. ...
Sooooo my dear musketer. ...am I right in thinking one of my other musks...you know.. the old brick layer.....renamed now as an 80's singer....? lol...im rarely on here now....so took some catching up..
Although.....I did see the bit about you forgetting my name !. .dam cheek....I often think about all my old gamcare buddies....and miss the random chats....but ....life moves on .....lol....never thought that in the early days here....
Luckly for me......you guys picked me up.....and set me on the right path......and for that....I'll always be sooooooooooo g ratefull...
Big hugs to you ....my fav cod fryer. ....
Keep smiling....xx
Sooo nice catching up with a few people on here this week and I'll alway's be gratefull to them all for the contribution they made to my out of control life when I first arrived here , some crazy night's and day's posting egging each other on to succeed :))
Those times seem so distant now but I can close my eyes and feel the pain of those dark day's as if it were yesterday and I still feel that pain in some of the initial post's I read on the new members page and just as I did hesitantly pouring their heart's out .
I like to say it's going to be fine , your among friend's everything's going to be alright but from memory I know too well how tough and bad those first day's and weeks can be , you consider gambling to be your world but your world's turned against you in a way you couldn't have imagined the day you placed your first bet , so innocent back then and just a bit of fun to pass the time ? if we just new what lay ahead eh ? .
I'm not moaning though as along with many friend's from those early day's weve managed to remain gamble free for a good length of time now so it can be beaten. Am I blessed , fortunate ? or just plain lucky ? Ha, Ha !! that's a word I don't like to use here as with gambling there's no luck involved at all .
I do feel privileged though ............... priviliged to still be alive , to still have a loving family around me to support me and likewise to support them when needed , privaliged to have found this place and to wake every morning with a purpose in life again and enjoy everything it offers me .........................yep , Privaliged and very gratefull . xx.
It’s not just the fingers in the ears & the slump Pops, it’s the aghast look that accompanies it when he realises the ‘will not shut up’ button is on 😉
“Never say never” has stood me in very good stead over my GC years & only recently, I discovered the HOW to recovery:
H - Honesty
O - Openess
W - Willingness
I needed to walk through the doors of GA, doesn’t mean it’s for everyone!
And o*g, it was your 1000th birthday yesterday Pops you old beggar (with a u instead of the e) (& where’s that Martin with the cake?!!)...You’re living proof of that!
So good to hear you’re getting so much out of the fostering...The world needs more families like yours who have love to give & I know the nurture will give your new family members a great platform as they grow x
if it was his 1000th he might of got a cake but youve robbed the old guy off 100 days, i dont do cake for 1100 days x
Typical !!!! ................. Any old " Cop out clause " will do :))
D’oh & there was me busy telling the optician on Monday that my current spectacles were perfectly adequate...Wonder why he sent me off with a pound of sausages.
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