What a day!

Hey,

I love how you have now embraced your diary. Sometimes you don't have to physically see a person to know they are looking a million times better. I get the impression life is improving day by day for you it almost literally bursts out of the screen.

You have put a huge smile on my face today!

Flagg

Hi Irene,

Ur last post was gr8 2 read, ur positivity and determination shines thru 🙂

Ahhhh Doggie slippers... soooo cute, maybe u could borrow Flagg's check slippers 🙂

I hope the shopping went well 🙂

Have a gr8 nite xxxx

Thanks so much folks x

Day 30= 1 whole calendar month since I last gambled (11/11/12)

Its hard to believe a whole month has passed since I contacted this forum and admitted that I have a problem with gambling. On the other hand, it feels like ages ago!

My 1st gamble free bank statement should be here soon- I'm so looking forward to keeping it :-)I'd been binning them when they arrived, didn't want to face up to how much I'd squandered - but that's in the past-my next statement will reinforce this new chapter in my life.

Feeling a wee bit anxious 2night- got my "debt man" tomorrow! Hopefully he'll be able to suggest how I fix the financial mess my gambling's got me in. I think it's too much to hope for him to have a magic wand!!!!

There's been a problem with my blocker. I'm rubbish with all things electronic (strange how I managed to juggle online casino screens!!!) and I'm in the process of updating/downloading. I need it fixed ASAP. Need the security of knowing its there to protect me if/when the urges reappear.

Again, I am so thankful to my Gamcare buds for their support in this 1st month.

Btw- doggy dressing's a nightmare!!!! Not ordered yet but have seen a wee navy ensemble which will suit my boy. I just need to get the sizing right- can't have him parading in an ill fitting jacket 🙂

x

Phew! Blocker sorted!!

Hi Irene,

Well done on 30 days, how quick has that gone. You sound like your making some great progress. Hope tomorrow goes well with the debt man another big step for you but im sure afterwards you will have some sense of relief and a plan of how you can tackle it.

Take care keep going

blondie xx

well congrats on that 30 days. way to go girl. hope all turns out good with the debt guy tomorrow and eases a few more troubles for ya. your headed in the right direction so just keep heading that way.

Thanks so much x

Day 31

My debt guru can sort me! He has a plan, Im not sure I fully understand it but I will b4 I sign the papers! He had my brain in knots with numbers. Upshot is, Ill be able 2 repay debts slowly and have enough 2 live off. House is safe-this reinforces that I can ever gamble even if I wanted to (which I thankfully dont). The sense of relief 2day was massive.

The trials and tribulations continue however- posting from my phone-comps been hacked by people in sunnier lands apparently. What a pain! The uploading/downloading/restoring/rebooting continues. Just had a thought-if this had happened a few weeks ago Id be panicky without access 2 my slots. Today its merely an inconvenience.

Why do I still think of them as "my slots"?????

Hi Irene

First i like to thank you for your post.

Also wanted to say congrats on your 32 days of gamble free.

Hope you get you debt sorted and stay strong.

Hi Irene,

Look how far you have come in those few weeks!

Debts getting sorted........Just remember that feeling Irene that no-one wins in the long run cos all we do is give it all back, and they know it.

I always picture someone on the other end of the computer rubbing their hands "hey look its HER again, how many hundreds will she do today"

Not anymore eh why cos we dont gamble!

Sue x

Thanks so much Sue/Imran!

Day 32

Been an OK day. I think Sue's description of the picture behind the screen is apt. When I 1st read it, I had a chuckle, however it's so true- there is someone somewhere glad to be taking my money-sorry to disappoint you wherever you are but you've not had any for the past 32 days from me! A visual image can be so powerful and one I'll use when the urges hit. Maybe seems q***r but I kinda rehearse what I'll do to distract myself when the urges come - my wee dog wont always be there to occupy me so need to have other tools at the ready.

I was a bit uncomfortable earlier. I work in a very tight knit team and they grilled me about why I'm not going to Christmas party tomorrow. I'm not ready to discuss the truth with them so made up a "sore throat" (hope that doesn't jinx me!)- still, I'd rather be a party pooper than risk my progress. I'm sure they would rather that also if they knew. Strange, still finding it difficult to be open and honest about my gambling with "real people"- I'm still ashamed that I let it happen. I'm so grateful for this diary, this forum and the folk that use it.

Comps still not 100% and keeps freezing.

well congrats on your days.

wouldnt worry about the work party and yeah least ya dont have to worry about being the talk of it for the next year cause ya had a few to many. lol

hope ya have a safe and gamble free weekend

Congrats on your days

I wouldn't worry about the Christmas party they come every year but if you relapse then all that hard work goes to waste and beside you can make other plan like see family or friends or do something nice for your self like shopping or treat your self.

But if you really want to go i would take little bit of money and leave every thing else at home.

So Stay Strong

Hi Irene

You have done well to admit you have no self-control as this is a big step.

i am afraid you are the classic punter in that you won some, tried to win more (and who wouldn't) but because the odds are stacked against you have started to lose. You want back what you lost regardless of whether you had it originally but once its gone, it's gone and I would absolutely guarantee even if you get it back you will lose it all over again and more besides.

As you will note from some of my other posts I always balance sympathy with reality as I do not believe it does annyone any good to keep hearing 'never mind and well done on day 1' !!

You have a choice - you can carry on chasing and get yourself in a massive muddle or you can learn from what has happened and not repeat it. Learning and taking the right action is a show of strength not weakness.

Best wishes and will leave you to decide.

Dave

Hi Irene,

Hope you don't really get bad throat now....LOL

Glad I made you laugh......pretty good way of thinking though!

You're doing brill!

Sue xxxxx

Thanks for the continued support x

Day 33

Another gamble free 1- strangely didn't think about slots today which was a bonus!

It's true, every day that passes I feel a bit stronger. Something Blondie wrote a while ago stays with me, something along the lines that- I must pay extra attention when things are good, when things are bad, and all the time (not the exact words but the gist is there). I think anticipating times/events that may be difficult is a great step forward and will avoid till I feel I'm strong enough. I do not want to gamble, I have no plans to gamble but I know that this can change in a heartbeat so I must be prepared and be strong to continue on the gamble free life that I've chosen.

On the whole, life's great just now. Not dead exciting or anything but "normal". I can go out for the evening and not rush home to the slots. I can watch a whole TV programme and pay attention without keeping an eye on the computer screen. I spent yesterday evening chatting to my son and sister- when did I last do that properly?

Actually, this whole process of change has not been easy to date but seeing the small changes has had a massive impact on my quality of life- so far so good (with wee hard bits in between!!)