What a day!

HI Irene,

Gambling consumed my every thought and supporting people was the last thing on my mind I was to busy wallowing in my own misery, i cant change the things I wish i had done but I try to be a better person now that alone warms my heart.

I still cant work out my urges I know when im most vunerable, emotional or tired they will come but I have had the most odd ones like " an itchy finger" my thought process. Oh itchy finger that means im going to win something therefore i should gamble " w*f is that all about lol. I have learnt that they will come and go at the most random moments now i just try to accept them rather than understand why as they make no sense.

The most important thing is you got through it and you didnt gamble, your winning the war Irene.... Keep singing. 🙂

Take care

Blondie x

Hi Irene

Well done for staying strong and not giving into the urges. The urges do turn up randomly when you least expect them you just have to stay on your guard all the time.

So stay strong

Hi Irene,

Thank u 4 ur kind words in chat, it is gr8 2 spk 2 some1 who understands 🙂

Well done 4 staying strong with the urges, u can do this... I believe in u 🙂

I am always here if u need me!

Have a gr8 nite xxxxxxxx

Thanks Imran - Blondie, sometimes I think you know me better than I know me!!

Day 38

Again, "what if's" sneaking up on me. Inappropriate to sing cheesy pop in work, so counting backwards was my thing 2day (in my head!!) Angry Birds also help!

Aside from this, an OK day.

Finding I'm doing a lot of thinking recently- maybe its the time of year, or maybe its just that I'm allowing myself to do so. A strange old time....

I haven't gambled which actually makes it a better than OK day 🙂

HI Irene,

Coming up to the big 40, they say life begins and all that, I found that after a few months of none gambling my head started to settle down and i had the time to think about things that i had put on hold whilst gambling.

They will come because your head is settling down, this is where the change part of recovery came in for me, I knew i had to try and deal with them in what ever way i could, I had buried so many things deep in the pit of my stomach for so many years whilst gambling i knew if i didnt give them head room then i would be back gambling.

Some things i just had to accept that i got it wrong, some things i had to accept that it was a bad defect in my character and those things I try and work on day to day.

Weather its singing cheesy pop songs or counting backwards its working for you, I said i would do whatever it takes and if that involved singing cheesy pop songs whilst upside down in the corner i would of done it lol .

Your doing brilliant irene keep going.

Take care

Blondie x

hi irene

Carl

Irene

recovery is bespoke, you just need to do what suits you my friend.

There is no wrong or right way.

There is a shared desire. That you did achieve today!!!

For that be proud and please enjoy.

Today don't forget you did something truly amazing!!

Duncs stepping forward never back

Good Morning,

Day 40 today 🙂 really pleased for you!! You have become a very popular member of this forum and it's easy to see why. I love your commitment to your diary and your progress is very visible.

You should be proud of what you are achieving and you are now seeing some clarity it's all part of our recovery. Keep at it and the benefits continue to come!

Flagg

Well congrats on them days girl and way to go.

Hi Irene,

Whoop whoop.....you go girl!

40...am 4 days behind ya...lets keep it like that!

Hugs and glitter

Womble x

Hi Irene,

How r u 2nite?

I hope u r ok and staying strong 🙂

Have a gr8 nite xx

hi Irene

Carl

Thanks so much as ever for the support. I had to recount my days!!

Day 39!! Gamble free

Today continued on the "weird" theme. I've just used Netline to try to sort out some stuff- may try face to face counselling. For a variety of reasons I've been reluctant.

I really wasn't expecting emotional flooding. Not sure how I feel. I thought my "wobble" had passed. I hate this feeling- I am so used to being in control- the "helper", the "mum", the "dependable one". Its strange to need to seek help- feel like I've failed somehow.

My sensible head tells that admitting and seeking help is not a failure but a success- but I've never really done it.

Thought I'd review the changes in the past 39 days:

no gambling- brill

"toolkit" for coping with urges- so far so good

netline on speedial- good

daily diary- good

proper time with family- brill

thinking about develoing new services at work-good

no spending on cc- enforced!!!

debt plan- pending but getting sorted

head puggled- rubbish!

sleeping better- good

better at my job- maybe

thinking about my impact on others- good/hard

I want to be "me" whoever that is........I dont do worrying, emotional pouring, "poor me"s yet I seem to be spending so much time crying or about to cry!

I am so thankful I stopped gambling when I did- what ruddy state would I be in months/ days/ hours down the line if I hadn't!

Anyhow, I was going to apologise for "wallowing" in my posts- but I won't...I need it out.

Tomorrow is day 40- as far as I'm concerned the new bit of my life started 39 days ago but tomorrow I will make a bigger effort to remember the good stuff and focus less on the difficult stuff.

Amazingly, no urges today 🙂

day 40

Looking forward!

Hi Irene

Sound like you are feeling bit down but just remember the good times and stay strong you are doing brilliantly.

Some time letting it all out helps in coping with the urges i still remember the day i told my parent of my gambling addiction wasn't easy but afterward felt like to weight of the world was lifted of me.

So stay strong every day we don't gamble is a step closer to recovery.