When your partner doesn’t understand...

Still GF. Not doing too bad today, feeling quite positive for once that I can actually do this. 

Sunday today. Still GF. 

I don’t particularly like Sundays. Sundays were mostly the days that I lost lots of money. They were days I spent mostly staring at my phone watching reels spinning - how boring when you think about it. 

Well, today I am at the caravan with the kids and my daughters friend. I have no bank cards with me - just a little bit of cash (I wouldn’t go into a bookies or anything - never had and isn’t my thing) I have all my blocks in place and I still feeling pretty positive as I was yesterday. 

I do get urges now and again (normally on a night or first thing in the morning) but the anxiety is starting to subside. 

Today is all about positivity.

I will get up, I will make the kids breakfast, I will spend time with them, I will put my phone down! 

Screentime was 4hrs yesterday - mainly on here reading or on Facebook or texting. Going to try for the same today. 

Anxiety hit this morning and I’m not feeling great. We went to a car boot sale so I bought some new books to keep me going. 

I just feel like I want to lock myself away from the world today. 

I could happily drive home from the caravan and sit in my room on my own. 

But I won’t, I must keep going! I must not gamble. 

Hello Catbradley. Hope you and the children are ok and enjoying the sunshine. Caravans are such a popular thing nowadays and give people loads of pleasure.

Be gentle with yourself regarding the gambling as it is early days in your recovery and you will quite likely be bombarded with all kinds of emotions. You are doing really well and I admire and respect your courage, honesty and determination.

I wish you success and happiness as you continue on your gamble-free adventure.

Stephen 

Today has been crazy. 

I woke up feeling really positive, then I had a massive anxiety attack and felt a mess. Ended up overall a half decent day.  

Sat with my oldest daughter and her friend having a bit of a laugh and watching repeats of Gavin and Stacey. 

I have had some food - not a massive amount, but still. I wish I could this anxiety out. 

Got my first counselling appointment on the 21st. I think most of my stress comes from regret of the bad decisions and the fact my relationship is still strained - even though he is trying his hardest now to support me. Just now and again I think I’m trying to get ahead of myself even though he know he doesn’t trust me and I have no idea what’s going to happen with our relationship. 

I just want to wave a magic wand and put everything right. Hard work, honesty and no gambling is how I can fix this. 

Had a few urges the last few days - still the same times of day - mornings and nighttime mainly. 

Got a long walk planned tomorrow - I need fresh air and time to sort my head out. 

3 weeks till I’m back at work. 

I’ve had a good day today. Went for a long walk with the kids. 

Barely even been on my phone - really good for me! 

Planning tomorrow...

I hate this time on a night. I start feeling anxious and thoughts of gambling kick in.

Luckily, all my blocks are in place. I’m not going to, I don’t want to. I find it helpful to come on here and read forum posts. 

I sometimes don’t really know how I’m feeling. My moods seem to shift all over the place. 

Many son has ADHD and he had a massive melt down earlier today which got me stressed. I thought ‘a couple of weeks ago I would have gambled and it would have made me feel better’ 

I know this isn’t the answer. It would make me feel worse in the long run. 

If I gamble again I will lose everything - not just money. 

Need to stay positive. 

Day out today with the kids. 

Up, dressed and make Picnic. 

Should be super busy all day 

Hi Cat and a very good evening to you. I hope you are managing to stay strong and also gambling free

I have a gambling problem, just like everyone else on here, it cost me my marriage and also access to my son, but it's not about me. I last had a bet, or rather donated my money to various bookmakers, on July 2 2019 so only been just over a month, last year I did 18 months. 

I am trying now and I am also being very open with people, telling them I have a problem, also I am not trying to beat myself up anymore as i think everyone does, also not looking for forgiveness as well that was then. Stay strong, keep busy, think of good things, don't be scared to say you have a problem, people may judge but let them. 

I still have not gambled. 

I still don’t want to gamble. 

I still feel like absolute S%#$

When will the anxiety go away? I just want to feel okay and to be okay. This is such a hard journey. I know it’ll be better than the past in the end and that’s all that keeps me going. 

Hi cat, in answer to your question, re the anxiety, this will get better and the fact that you have the courage to at least post on here, should help. The worst times are when you have time on your hands, time to reflect, think.

But try not to beat yourself up, you will get there, today you did not gamble, tomorrow is another day. I guess with the weather it does help etc with the kids I guess having to stay in. But you still have their love, try and talk to someone, or just text someone, 

I’m starting to notice that I have more money now. Topping up phones and buying new tyres for the car and paying bills doesn’t feel bad. Before I would work out how much money I would have left to gamble with and then not bother to pay for the things I needed. I’ve been driving round on my spare for months so going to sort that today 

Felt really good today. 

Day out planned for tomorrow. If I just keep busy then everything is good. 

Hi cat, great to hear,I think keeping busy is great option and being able to plan properly for days out and carry it through, without gambling is sooo fantastic.

Hope you had a good day today and and an even better one tomorrow, stay strong, you are not on your own

Thank you, Barra. 

I think things will get easier once I’m back at work and I’m super busy again. The 7 weeks holidays are long and I have a lot of extra time on my hands.