When your partner doesn’t understand...

Hi there Cat, I guess I can understand that, well my name is Iain 56 years old single guy, was married but divorced in the main because I was a selfish person through gambling.

I was thinking earlier today, the million dollar question, as to why I used to gamble or what started it and I could not come up with an answer, but boredom was a major factor, so good for you Cat, stay strong and feel free to sound off about about anything, or if you need a chat, my mail is stavsiain hat g mail . Com 

Hello Barra101

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I had a lovely day out with the family today. My kids and parents. It was so good to forget everything for a while. 

Then we got back to the caravan and it’s been chucking it down with rain for hours. I wanted to read my book but the kids are stressing me out and I can’t concentrate. So, instead, I’ve messed about with my phone for a bit. This is a time I would have gambled 100%!

But, I didn’t. Yeah! Passed two weeks now. Feeling confident for payday, blocks are all in place and I have CBT on that day. 

Bills are all coming out the day I get paid now and I’ve set up a new account with Monzo and put the gambling block on it. 

By the time I wake up I don’t think they’ll be much of it left. Plus my partner has all my cards ect. 

Well done!

You sound so much more relaxed and happier, I'm so pleased for you.

Keep it up, you're doing great xx

I’ve woken up with anxiety. 

I think going backwards and forwards from the caravan and home is stressing me slightly. But, then what’s the point in having it if we don’t come. The kids love it here and I do more with them when I’m here. 

We are heading back home today for 4 nights - I have loads to do and I have my first CBT session on Wednesday (which is also payday) 

The change in environment seems to be triggering my anxiety and I’m worrying all the time. When I gambled I used it to make me feel better - I used to breathe a sigh of relief when I deposited and started to play. Like, it calmed me down. 

Now I just feel stressed and worried. 

Worried that I gambled and I can’t stop myself. 

I’ve had a few great days, I need to try to dwell on it too much. 

Today is a new day. I will NOT gamble. 

I seriously need to start proof reading these entries before I post them and not after when I can’t edit them. 

My spelling and grammar is shocking! 

You are doing the cold turkey bit, keep going, things will get better 

Hey cat, good morning and first things first, it does not matter too much about spelling, punctuation etc, what matters is the fact that you have the ability and courage to talk openly about your feelings.

Change is always difficult to deal with, even just a change of environment, circumstances, etc. Whilst people take for granted the I guess little things in life, to an addict any small change can be massive.

But hey you have had some great family time, you have done stuff that a few weeks ago you would not have been able to do, either emotionally, or financially, today you will not gamble and tomorrow is another day.

Take care

I’ve not stopped all day. 

Got up early and took the kids to see Lion King. I cried! 

Then we went shopping and bought food to make a pizza. Came home and made our own and cooked and ate. The kids loved it. 

I’ve spent quite a bit of money today and I’ve not been panicked thinking about how little money I’ll have left to gamble with - such a good feeling. 

Going to have a nice peaceful bath while my partner watches the kids. 

Plans for tomorrow - not much. Only got 1/3 kids. Housework, washing, sorting. Sure I’ll find something to keep me busy. 

Hey Cat, great stuff and glad you enjoyed the Lion King, hope you feeling good,happy and relax

Hope you have a great day tomorrow, enjoy the time and the moment, don't beat yourself up, try and relax, easier said then done and give yourself a hug for the effort you are making

Feeling okay today. Cleaning and tidying the house. Trying to sort out changing and setting up direct debits. Things that have falling by the wayside during my gambling addiction. 

So I opened a Monzo account. For one,my old account stresses me too much. And two, it’s a fresh start for me. New account, new start - financially.

with only a few days till payday, I’m feeling positive, I still have some money in my account. I’ve paid off some debts and most of my bills are up to date. 

Top effort Cat, it takes some courage to realise the extent of the financial damage caused by gambling, and it seems a great way to start by something which some might consider simple eg setting up a new account and paying direct debits. But great stuff, thoughts with you.

Hope your day, afternoon, and now evening are going ok Cat, hope you also managing to find some me time and you are not consumed with gambling thoughts 24/7, 

Wow, got totally caught up in my book tonight. Looked up and 4 hours had past! 

Well done Cat, just think you probably could not have read for 4 minutes, let alone 4 hours a few weeks ago