4 years on

So, on the 4th August 2021, I signed up and put a post up about how my gambling had got out of control and I didn't know what to do. 

In November of 2021, I finally lost all our money. Me and my wife have a joint account and all that was left was £17. Savings gone, loans taken out, money borrowed off friends. It was a massive mess.

That day it all came out. My mental health was destroyed, my finances destroyed and in my mind my marriage and life over. my youngest son being home and calling to me from his bedroom 'What's for tea tonight'. I broke down, rang my mum, I couldn't talk I just screamed down the phone.

My wife came home from work into a s**t show. I couldn't stop crying, I was broken, but I could see by her face she was too. My Dad also came round, him and my mum split when I was 10 - I'm 41 now - and for a few hours I took a verbal beating, none of them understanding why I'd done this.

I went to my Mums that night. I didn't sleep a wink. I just lay on the sofa, crying, shaking, wandering how the hell I got into this mess. 

The next day my wife text me. It just said 'I missed you last night'. From that text on, I promised myself I would fix it. I'd do whatever it would take to make things better again.

I went home and the following few weeks we spent hours talking about why it happened, what triggered me, would I do it again, how do we recover.

My mum and dad both put money into our account. They made it clear that without my wife, they wouldn't have done this. I gave her my bank card and she had sole control over every penny.

I had racked up debts on top of gambling through our own money.

We sat and worked out our ingoings and outgoings. We are fairly lucky we live in a council house, we've spent a lot on doing it up, thousands on the garden, it's a lovely home and rent is cheap compared to many people's. With cutting back, we could save about £800 each month.

I had some councilling, it helped me to understand I have an addictive personality and hate losing. It was also a strange time, we'd just been through Covid, my wife had had a scare with a mole on her back which we had to wait 3 months for results on and I was unhappy in my job. Did this all lead to the gambling as an escape? I think it's an easy excuse, I think I should have been a lot stronger and seen it was getting out of control.

The first year was tough. My wife would constantly check the account, any payment she didn't recognise was questioned. I had to ask to borrow her card if I needed anything. Mine was in a safe at her work, locked away.

I got a note book and month by month would jot down our bank balance. Slowly you could see it recovering, starting to build up. 

After a year, I had my card back. It was Xmas 2022 and I wanted to pick some prezzies up for the family while out and about with work. It felt a big responsibility but at no point was I tempted. 

My wife during the last 4 years has been an absolute rock. I am in awe of her, how her love for me is stronger and more important than money. She made it clear, if I ever gamble again, she is gone. She said she just wanted her 'husband' back and I wasn't a bad person, I'd just made stupid choices.

Since that November in 2021 I've not placed a single bet. I've not even thought about placing one. I never want to be dragged into the hell hole gambling took me. It nearly destroyed me, I held on by my fingertips and beat it. 

Now in April 2025 and life is normal again. We still talk about it from time to time but my wife trusts me. Our hard work at cutting back has paid off. I'm lucky that we both have quite good jobs, I get a healthy bonus every quarter. I have 1 loan left to pay off, which will be done next year, We can go shopping and not worry, we have booked a holiday this summer to Portugal, I can buy my lads a treat without worrying, we can go out for a meal etc...

I have been very fortunate. I know others won't have the luxury of a decent income or such a supportive spouse. But the first change comes from yourself. You have to want to stop. Not for others, not because of the money but for yourself. Until you have that, it won't stop.

I just wanted to share this as now and again I pop on here and read about someone who is in the midst of gambling harm. 

I'm loathe to call myself a recovering addict. I view it as I lost the plot for 8 months and fell victim to these awful companies who are allowed to plaster their adverts anywhere and everywhere. I don't keep track of how many days it's been, obviously I know the rough time scale, and for me, I don't miss 1 thing about gambling and my life is so much better without it. I was stupid, naive and foolish. 

You can stop. But you have to talk. You have to scream from the roof tops until someone hears you. It's hard. The heartache, stress and worry on the people you love is hard to see but ultimately they love you and want you to be better. Help is available, grab it!!