DFD

Well, the deed has been done.

I am now officially loan and credit card debt free for the first time in my adult working life. And how do I feel? Very strange. It's a strange experience and I do feel that strong barriers have been constructed in my continuing battle to stay well, well away from gambling. It has certainly been a real, hard slog to get to this point and I do feel that today's achievement is one of the greatest that I have done in my near half-century life.

I have a glass of bubbly with me right now to celebrate and I spent £5 on a couple of really nice starters from the local supermarket. But what am I having for my main course? Just the normal Wednesday evening meal where the ingredients will cost around £1 in total. It is still a very nice and tasty meal, don't get me wrong, but I'm definitely not ready to splash out on expensive meals just yet. The Bank Holiday weekend is coming up and plans are in place to have one or two meals out which includes the classic English fry-up.

I have been on these forums for many years now on and off and it has been a really emotional and rollercaster journey. The journey certainly does not end here as I am still a serious problem gambler who is just one tiny, tiny bet away from disaster. It is vital that I remember this at all times otherwise I will be back to where I started and this is where I will - not if, but will - lose my flat and my job. This is a definite as I am coming up to the mature years in my life and I am desperate to make the most of it. Whether this will include a partner or a family, I really don't know. One step at a time, eh?

I have noticed that no-one has responded on my diary for a while. That's fine. I understand. I don't post on anyone else's diary so why should anyone post on mine. These diaries are no longer useful for me to post every single thought of mine as I now have a 671-page and 570,000+ word diary on Word which I have posted on for over a year now. I can post anything I like on that diary without any words being asterisked out and I can talk about anything I like without worrying about anyone else finding out about my personal life and battles.

To anyone who thinks that I should now be called 'T' which stands for 'There', definitely not. This problem gambling addiction will be harnessed in our bodies for many, many years to come and we all have to make the right choices in order to combat this.

To anyone who is jealous of my achievement today, I completely understand. I have been so jealous of posters in the past who have posted similar achievements and I have often wondered whether I would ever match those.

To anyone who feels that they will never get to where I am today, yes of course you can! As long as any debt that you have is reduced on a daily, weekly or monthly basis, this is GOOD! Money isn't everything, of course, and I have constantly been jealous of others who have a lovely little family of their own. Make the most of this, please, and the money issues will take care if itself as long as you keep making the right choices.

Thanks for listening, I'm just off to make my little meal. I suppose that we all have to be grateful that the money-saving skills that we have harnessed due to our addiction do us good in the long-term.

NT 🙂