Hi
Before my recovery I use to think that having money meant I was Successfull.
That if I got some thing cheap or for nothing that I was Successfull.
Having been in the recovery program now over 50 years I understand that my being Successfull was about my healthy actions and my healthy words.
In time I would write down my needs my wants and my goals.
I would have daily lists and once I did things on my list I would cross them out.
I now understand that the lists of my needs my wants and my goals was my commitment to my self.
In the old day I never felt was conent or happy with what I did.
I use to call my self names and beat my self up.
By my procrastrinating and not getting things done I was cheating my self.
Again I was cheating my self of being and feeling successful about my actions and words.
I am non religious and thought that because I am a non religious I would never get to understand what success in my recovery was all about.
By attending more meetings I got to understand how emotionally vulnerable I was in the past.
By attending more meetings I got to articulate my feelings and emotions.
As I gave up talking about money lost and being in action I got to talk more about what was important in my life today.
The addictions and obsessions just indicated I had certain emotional triggers.
What were my feelings and emotions on walking out of a gambling establishements after losing my hard earned wages time and time again.
I got to understand that my addictions and obsessions were a way of me escaping dealing with my feelings and emotions.
Pains caused fears and I would some times being living in such high levels of fear that I would go in to panick mode where I could not think clearly.
At what time in my life did I go in to panick mode, from pain and fear I told more and more lies thinking I could reduce my pains and get away from my fears.
By attending recovery meetings I would be able to abstain from unhealthy habits.
By attending recovery meetings I would be able to give in depth therapies.
By attending recovery meetings I would be able to reduce my fears and my trust would grow.
And in time I found counsellours that would help me heal my hurt inner child.
I found that the word humble my self implied that I would make my self less than equal to all in the meetings.
Now I understand that by humbling my self was that I was an equal to all people in the recovery meetings.
The recovery meetings were a place where I got to uderstand more about my self.
The recovery meetings were a place where I got to exchange my unhealthy habits in to healthy habits.
The recovery program is not about who is right wrong good or bad it is how ever about learning what is healthy and what is unhealthy.
The longer we are in recovery program the more often we get that light bulb moment, one day it hits home and we understand what recovery and healing is all about.
Healing love and peace to every one.
Dave L
AKA Dave of Beckenham
Hi
It was exchanging my unhealthy habits in to healthy habits.
By giving up my unhealthy habits I was no longer escaping in my fears.
Living my life without fears.
Not being angry and impatient.
Not being a procrastinator.
Listening to peoples therapies helped me.
Using the telephone list.
Writing out the steps.
Learning from other people on finding healthier directions in my life.
Taking big lessons from the healthy light bulb moments.
Reducing my unreasonable expectation of people life and situations.
Talking about my past painful events was not about blaming.
Not expecting from others things they can not give them self.
Learning to love myself.
Learning to respect myself.
Learning to have healthy intimacy with myself.
Healing Love and peace to every one.
Dave L
AKA Dave of Beckenham
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