Friday I attended a racecourse for only the 3rd time ever... this was an event organised before deciding to be gamble free. The only reason I booked it was for my partner to see a band she's always wanted to see after.Â
I decided in April of this year to finally try and become gamble free (GF) I had booked this trip in January... so made the decision along with my partner that I would set a budget for the evening, agreed a very sensible budget - while having in my head a thought of well it's still a double figure if I lose it all which I no longer wanted to do...
It was a great evening, gorgeous weather, great concert.. it's also something I'm not necessarily looking at doing again, it was interesting to see how emotionally I reacted to placing bets and watching racing / results... there was no longer that buzz... even when winning it no longer felt special, when I lost a felt a little annoyed and I thought oh that would have paid for the food instead or that would have covered the next drink etc.Â
I have no regrets of going. I'm glad I stuck to the budget, there was highs and lows in the day and I have fully left the day behind me.. So what has changed? How come it feels so different?
Is it because I'm older now? Maturer? Is it because I'm now happier in my homelife? No longer using gambling as an excuse to cover lots of other cracks in life as I possibly was back then? Is it because of the counselling etc that has given me a different outlook on gambling etc. It felt so strange to no feel that buzz, to not feel that result is the be all and end all, for a result not to have a major effect on my mood...Â
I'll never say I'm not a gambling addict, things can always change and turn around again I'm sure, but for now everything is controlled. Gambling is an open discussion and something I no longer hide from or try and turn a conversation away from.
I feel very lucky and very fortunate to be in this position, the GF days start again with no plans on the horizon for any of that to change again.
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All the best everyoneÂ
Lovely to hear from you again on here brownie. 👍. You had a plan and you had a budget and you kept to both!👏👏.Â
Wishing you the best of luck going forward. 🙏.
Pink Lady 🩷🍎.
@j5a6meyr4z Thanks pink! I was reluctant to post about it so took my time to find the correct words, didn't want to come across as beating betting etc, the timeout on the online account my partner let's me use had expired before the trip to the races so first thing I did this week was block that for another 6 weeks. So all the right steps to ensure a one off day was exactly that.
I'm keeping track of your diary glad to see your doing well and hope your exit meeting goes okay, seems like an exciting time for you at the moment and nice to see the positive coming back after the understandably tough time.
All the best 👍🏻Â
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Hi
When I walked in to the recovery program I did not have a clue of how unhealthy I was.
I am a non religious person and I felt vulnerable with all the mentions of God and religion.
By me keep going to the recovery program I got to understand that each time I went back to gambling I made my life more difficult and more painful.
By hearing the therrapies I got to understand what my last emotional triggers were.
My last emotional triggers were due to my pains I could not heal.
My last emotional triggers were due to my fears I could not face or reduce.
My last emotional triggers were due to my frustrations due to my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations.
My last emotional triggers were due to my isolating my self from other people due to my fears of emotional intimacy.
My last emotional triggers were due to my feeling of boredom because I was not able to fulfill my needs my wants or my golas.
In time I handed over all of my finances to my wife because I could not trust my self with money.
Simply said the money was the fuel for my addiction.
Just for me to abstain for any time I needed to go to more meetings per week.
By going to all of those meetings I was investing more time and effort in to my recovery.
The simple question was I worth all tat time and effort.
No matter after the unhealthy actions and words I used would there be a day that I would start to love my self.
Would there be a day that I would start to respect my self.
By going gambling was the most unhealthy thing I could do to my self and my family.
In time I got to understand that once I lived my life with out gambling I would stop self abusing my self.
When I was gambling I was in effect going to work for nothing, I was wasting all that money.Â
The gambling establisments never hurt me, I hurt my self.
The gambling establisments never lied to me, I lied to my self.
Before recovery the only time I felt succesfu in my self was by getting some thing for nothing or getting it cheap.
I have a healthy conscience which is based up on spirtual values.
By me having a healthy conscience when I say or do things which are painful and unhealthy I am hurting my self.
The recovery program would help me understand that deep inside of me was a hurt child that needed to heal.
So after I was able to abstain from unhealthy habits I could start to learn how to heal my pains.
The pains in my life that were not healed caused fears in me that I did not fully understand.
My anger was due to my pains fear and my frsutrations.
My anger and my rage and aggresion was very unhealthy in deed.
My anger and my rage and aggresion was me transfering my pains fears and frsutrations on to other people.
The sooner I started to heal the hurt inner child in me the sooner I would stop transfering my suferings on to other people.
Before my recovery I did not understand how unhealthy I use to be.
The like minded people in the recovery program help me understand more abaout my self.
With the shared deep therapies my deep fears reduced, my trust in other grew, I did not fear being more honest any more.
I got to understand more and more about my self, how to heal my pains, how to heal the PTSD and heal the hurt child in me.
The world has not changed for me for sure, yet I am abale to cope with my life in amuch healthier way today.
As I got to understand how unhealthy I use to be, I got to understand how to deal with unhealthy people in my life today.
The recovery program helped me understand how unhealthy and emotionally vulnerable I use to be.
The two most important things in my life today is my healthy relationships and my time.
By me working the recovery program helped fulfill my needs my wants and my goals.
By me working the recovery program helped me learn to love my self.
By me working the recovery program helped me learn to respect my self.
Gambling is the very last thing I want to do with my life today.
Healing love and peace to every one.
Dave L
AKA Dave of Beckenham
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