At least Gambling addiction is the most 'intelligent' of addictions.

Glad you didn't gamble. Yes I know that if I never place another bet again, I'm still a compulsive gambler for life. Complacency has led me to relapse many times. I was watching some videos on Youtube about the brain of the gambler. Interesting stuff. I agree with you it really annoys me when I see Ant & Dec, Ray Winston and Gerard Butler, all already very wealthy promoting gambling.

Check out an interview on Youtube about John Daly the golfer. He lost an incredible $55 million. At one point he was playing 7 hands of blackjack at the same time, $15,000 a hand. It's astounding, but if I was in his position, living close to the casinos I too would have blown a colossal mount. 

Hope you stay gambling free.

Stuart

Hi

A very intelligent post and a pleasure to read.

Absolutely the buzz is the hook and I consider it a drug addiction. Just like any drug addiction the initial buzz of excitement gradually becomes a monotony of feeding that habit even though it remains a powerful draw.

I started at the age of 12 with pure excitement of playing one machine on holiday. Bored with everything else in a sleepy village it was the one thing that made me feel totally alive. It was the start of something that hooked me for forty years. Any gaps in my gambling were no sign or guarantee of control until I took the steps to enter a full recovery.

I then looked at my personal answers that were staring me in the face. Jaded, lonely, empty, vain, a bit stuck up were just some of the things I had to start facing. I had always drifted into rubbish jobs and I had no clear ambition or plans to better myself

My gambling was my drug of choice...my drug of escape from what I felt to be a harsh, uncaring nose to the grindstone world.

You can put the addiction simply like that but there are some complexities. It thrives off mental illness but it is a mental illness of itself resulting in a vicious circle that spirals downwards...multi trigger points combining...troubles of the soul that end up with people gambling to harm or punish themselves for feeling a failure. One quote runs that "inside every gambler is a miser". Maybe thats too simplistic..I became scared of money because I didnt have much of it and it just seemed to be bills bills bills. It lost its meaning to me because I had no positive plans for money therefore no ultimate use for it but surviving which I was depressed about anyway. It seemed sensible to try and win money (win back my money) even though that was purely delusional based on the real odds ( not on my lucky clover fantasies)

Gambling is a fantasy created in the minds of the punters. The gambling dens know that can be bottled and sold as an expectation drug so shame on them

With study and counselling I realised my gambling was a cry for help which is where it does get complex. I wanted to sink down to the pavement for somebody to help me as I did not seem capable of finding happiness on my own

I have had the black dog of depression all my life on and off . Therefore I feel I was a pefect candidate for at least one dangerous escape addiction to take hold. It could have been drink or class A drugs...it just so happens it was gambling which is also a drug and it should be graded as such

Its like someone handing me crack C*****e but saying remember when the fun stops stop....crazy situation of the dealers being asked to police their own profit margins. An addict hooked on drugs can  OBVIOUSLY not stop with the click of the fingers

Its an addiction that runs so deep that many people need the twelve steps...I respect them for that. I dealt with it by using the advised blocks, family support and having my own born again moment...not in a religious sense although there are strong parallels

Best wishes to everyone on the forum

Hello Canterbury & Joydivider, and thanks for replying with such well-considered posts - it reinforces to me my belief that gamblers are usually highly intelligent and emotionally sensitive people, which makes the addiction all the more cruel. 

I often read the forum but rarely comment as I don't trust myself to always write in the poster's best interest and not my own ego vanity. But I always enjoy reading both your contributions as it is clear your hearts are in the best place and you've both certainly earned your spurs in battle to reach that point. 

I totally agree with the phrase "At the heart of every gambler is a miser". So true for me back in the day, and a real familiar story of blowing a month's rent on roulette or blackjack in the time it took me to roast a steak; yet 20 mins later I'd be in the budget supermarket grumbling over their BOGOF Pot Noodle deal being ended! Totally no understanding of the value of money! 

It's amazing how our brains can rationalise things when in the depths of addiction. I'm not a psychologist but believe it is called "the divided self". Our rational brains versus our primeval monkey brains. 

I suffer from anxiety. The "Fight/Flight/Freeze" response is from our monkey brains - from a time when we might be chased by angry mammoths, a survival instinct; but 10,000 years later in the reduced goods aisle of Lidl, not such a useful thing! But even though my rational brain can say in the moment "don't be stupid, there's no danger here, just relax, don't be a d**k", my instinctual brain is saying "RUN RUN PANIC!!! THERE IS A MAMMOTH ABOUT TO STEAM OUT FROM BEHIND THE FROZEN PIZZAS!!!" 

That's where the emotional problems come from, where the addictions come from, the primeval sexual drivers, etc. Just being aware of them isn't enough.

Not sure what I'm trying to say! Ha! Anyway, thanks for responding. Keep the faith, especially Mr. Canterbury - you deserve to find resolution and feel at peace with yourself, I can feel the pain and struggle in your posts. I respect you for not giving in and fighting for the happiness we all deserve. 

Best wishes,

Friedkin.

It is a very interesting title which deserves further comment.

Gambling is the least understood of all the major addictions. This plays right into the hands of the government and the gambling dens who have a considerable amount to gain from it.

The general population mainly think thats its just people being silly with and greedy for money. That generates no real empathy/sympathy and they basically think gamblers are getting their just rewards for being stupid and reckless.

Im sure...Infact I know that intelligent people do end up as alcoholics and class A users. Stress depression or simply wanting to try something for the hit are contributing factors. I dont think they really knew it would take them to a complete loss of control. There is more sympathy there but many people still feel they are losers being wreckless with their lives.

With gambling..a government that was supposed to protect us are cashing in on the taxes created from the misery.

This country is actually in serious financial trouble so its no wonder they would deregulate anything seen as a major source of revenue.

Until gambling addiction is taken more seriously the problem will just get worse.

I gambled for forty years in a delusional state. I didnt really compute how addicted I had become until it was too late. I binged on it and of course part of the thought process was another day would bring luck and a run of luck. I didnt really understand that I was hooked on the chemical feelings of  risk and expectation.

Then of course we have the counter argument that we should not be spoiling the fun of people that want to gamble "sensibly" or"responsibly". I find those words ridiculous when paired with gambling activity. I dont see gambling as a wholesome or fun activity.  I think it creates addicts fast and I also think that nearly all the people I saw in the bookies or arcades were addicts

Best wishes to everyone on the forum

Posted by: Friedkin

I'm a man with many problems, but touch-wood at the moment gambling is no longer one of them. I'm not complacent at all on that though, as about an hour ago I suddenly caught myself feeling "so over gambling" that there'd be no harm in trying - what is it Alan Carr says on those adverts, a 'cheeky tenner?'
(Note: not Alan Carr the 'give up smoking/gambling guru' but Alan Carr the media's 21st century stale comedy-stereotype of the 70's "Larry Grayson Shut that Door" to make gambling seem like a bit of harmless social fun. Shame on him, and any celebs who create misery by whoring themselves out for a cheap buck on gambling ads.

However, it got me thinking why I'm being tempted to place the bet. I didn't and I won't, but (For me and I hope it translates) it's about the 'buzz'.

My life is boring, humdrum, disappointing and a massive let-down from what I was promised growing up on adverts about what it was to be a successful person.

It is undeniable the drug 'hit' gambling gives us is amazing - that's why we did it! It is also unfortunately an inconvenient truth that gambling is the only addiction that gives us a chance of being justified through doing it in the short term.

I've had very rare nights where a massive win saved my a**e financially. More than that, the win gave me the confidence to feel like a winner for a few sacred hours and I used that confidence to have the guts to go out, splash the cash & meet my girlfriend. I would never have had the guts to approach her unless I was on a 'high' from feeling like a winner. Am I wrong to feel almost perversely grateful to my gambling for that?

So, gambling isn't about placing bets, it's about the rare moments when I feel like a winner. Don't get me wrong - STOP GAMBLING! - very few addictions are so immediately financially ruinous - because of course I/WE/YOU: EVERYONE LOSES! Especially if I can't stop in that moment in search of a bigger buzz. There's only one outcome.

My point is - people don't do Crick or Cacaine, or become alcohilics, or gamble their family/house/self-respect away (trying to get round gamcare filters so you understand me) because they wan't to feel like c**P and be slaves to their addictions. No, it's because in the short term beginning - it actually feels pretty d**n good and nothing in 'real life' can ever come close!

I think THIS is the hard lesson we all need to accept - life is pretty mundane, problematic, troublesome, irritating and grinding sameness - it's the same for 100% of the world. Some of us took the easy option and tried to get 'highs' the best way we knew how. But those of us with trauma/mental illness/complex childhoods/addictive personalities could never find a 'stop mechanism' - so the only way to move forward is to stop completely because the seductive short term hit is just too strong.

I've never been a fan of GA, no judgement on those for whom it works, but it's too culty and everyone sounds like a born-again Christian in their brain-washed insistance there "IS ONLY ONE TRUE WAY!" And the fact they can never take any objective criticism on the 12 step method reinforces this.

I think it's simpler than that: Life is actually pretty bland and difficult for most people, so seeking out a buzz is the most natural response to that. Gambling, of all the addictions, the most intelligent persons' affliction, because with drugs or booze 100% they are gone in the morning; at least with gambling there is a small chance you could actually turn everything around and be the hero? (IF only for a few days before we inevitably feed it back in). 

But there is nothing to replace the unnatural dopamine high/reward of drugs/gambling, and to pretend otherwise is to lay yourself wide open to relapse. There is nothing you can replace it with. Eventually the joy of cooking a good meal, taking a walk in the forest, writing a good post will replace it slowly... very slowly....

I'd be interested in anyone's thoughts who could be arsed to read this far!!! But thanks for getting me over a few hours temptation. It has passed now, thanks to being able to speak my mind.

Best wishes,

Friedkin

 

What a great post.

I didn't feel too intelligent when I was scuttling in and out of pubs doing the 'circuit' on fruit machines, often twice round on the way back from work.  But I get that it's not really about the title but more of a general rant - which is most welcome.

I agree that, apart from other stimulants which can also be addictive, there's no way of replacing the high.  At least not like-for-like. 

Thanks also for acknowledging that life is hard. It's often a disappointment. Somehow we have to accept that the people we love will die.

It's ridiculous how people try to put make out their lives are suddenly amazing when they stop gambling. It's so obvioulsy untrue and a form of one upmanship.  Yes, almost always better, as at the very least you have more money. But you still have the same ups and downs.

That said....there are changes that can be made. Changes which move the 'window of sh** to good' more towards to the goodness end.  So that there's less of the bad stuff.

Obviously there's then divergence on how to get there and what we're trying to achieve. But I can certainly say that I've found a way and that things are better and there's less fertile ground for addiction.

Refreshingly honest posts. 

I think there is a certain amount of guilt around admitting the highs most of us got from gambling. Obviously these were offset by almost certain (given the odds are always in favour of the house) much worse lows with potentially devastating consequences so the message must be to stop.

Also the story so many of us tell that if you give up gambling your life will be so much better needs to be taken in context. Yes, if you are gambling and causing yourself financial/mental/relationship issues as a result then you will be in a better position if you stop gambling and you should do so. However if your life was a bit dull and unfulfilling before you started gambling and you do nothing to change it once you give up gambling then chances are your life will still be a bit dull and unfulfilling which may well have been why you gambled in the first place. Guess this is why so many of us relapse.  

Totally get the OP.

It's me, it's how I was.

I hope I change, dunno if I 100% ever will.

Hi,

It's a very interesting discussion. 

I'm blessed to be a therapist that specialises in trauma who trys to help people live a fulfilled and purposeful life away from the struggles of addiction. 

In theory it's incredibly easy to understand the link between a person's experiences and behaviour but it becomes very challenging when you start to unearth feelings/emotions with pain of past.

I spent alot time white knuckling my abstinence because I was broken adult trying to cope whilst having a very broken lonely inner child who didn't get enough Love, approval, attention, validation of worth, protection and security. For many years I defended my parents and childhood by saying "they did their best with what they knew" but in doing  I stopped myself from the healing process of grieving my childhood. A big turning point for my recovery was releasing those emotions that were kept repressed and internalized in me in a healthy safe environment with my therapist. I also did and continue to work on my emotional literacy because as I kid I wasn't encouraged to express my emotions (I was taught emotions are something you don't feel or show). I believe that any addiction thrives on emotional illiterate people. Along side my addiction problems I had many character defects (impatient, controlling, retaliation especially with criticism/abandonment) which were tied into my past. These were coping/defence mechanisms from past pain. 

Unfortunately I'm not able to change the experiences I had as a child but have been able to release the pain of past and self nurture by giving myself all the vital ingredients I was deprived of many years ago.

It's been a long emotional journey for myself but the rewards of being free of any desire to quick fixes and most of my dreaded character defects is something money just can't buy.

Walliss77

I see this is a few years old but this is a great post and sums up gambling in my eyes