Do you have a healthy relationship with money? lets discuss

I think it's crazy how we can spend so much gambling we literally throw lots of money away until be have nothing left.

But then myself I find I feel guilty spending money on anything else like I think ooo that's too much I need to pay off debts..which i am but the feeling of guilt over a small amount of money to being careless and throwing away a lot is crazy x

Hi Adam,

Someone in my family was talking about me one day & I overheard the conversation. I was described as someone who you give £5 to and he's all right, but give him £500 & he's all wrong. It was painful, hurtful but true. That was long before my 836 GF days. I've bought my wife an Ipad for Xmas this year not on credit, not on hire purchase or on a credit card. Undo me from self exclusion, remove the ban from betting shops or uninstall the blocking software my wife installed on my laptop & ask me will I never gamble again ?. Here's the truth Adam I don't know & never want to find out. Me, gambling & money have always had a toxic relationship. I answer for no-one else only me personally. Tonight i'm happy ( skint ) but content.

Best Wishes

AL

Hello Adam and everyone.

I think you've posed an interesting question Adam. I'd do anything before buy myself a necessity that was what I felt a tiny bit more than I was willing to spend, let alone a luxury. I'd even complain at the supermarket if the till receipt had an overcharge error, yet in the same week I would waste loads on the online slots. That's madness isn't it. Quite common behaviour I believe though.

The money was never the problem the behaviour was. Yes, we need to address why we would rather eat pasta a whole month so we can feed the addiction, but if you look at this example, a lab rat will stop eating all together so it can get its next high on C*****e. There is not a big difference between these addictions. We always looked at the money to fuel the addictions that we have so naturally that would be the first to suffer a blow on any kind of normal behaviour.

We won't beat the attitude we have towards it so we need to retrain and recalibrate our brains to use it wisely. There should be courses for counsellors to teach us to do this. Remember this.

You can make a real change in your attitude towards money by working on your own self-confidence.

Maybe it will become a part of the counselling one day who knows.

Best

C

Hi everyone 

this is an interesting subject. I control our money. I was always a saver from my first pay packet. Even lunch money now I think about it, I remember saving for a pair of blue suedes ankle boots!

My husband wore expensive clothes but gambled. He would always buy an expensive item for himself before a confession or discovery. He was always generous, sending flowers, expensive gifts at Christmas, etc. Money was like water.

After giving up money for a while he has lost the generous trait. He doesn’t care what I spend but has no concept of savings or money for emergencies or the house.

 He is always wanting an expensive present for himself. His attitude is he didn’t care how much he gambled, look how much he wasted, enjoy it.

Me, on the other hand, I found  it really difficult when he was active, to spend money. I’ve had counselling for lots of aspects of my life. There would always be an argument or different view of money between us. My latest counselling was relationship. He’s an addict I’m an enabler. Money is power. I started working after many years of being at home and it caused another weird behaviour. This behaviour was described to me as ‘a power struggle’. Yet again involving money.

My husband doesn’t want the money, it’s his drug. He says he doesn’t trust himself. 
I prefer to control it.

I totally agree that you need to learn to manage it and it helps with recovery, but for some I’m sure, it’s dangerous.

I think both gamblers and their families attitude change towards money. I feel better when there is a ’cushion’ in the bank. It’s best that my husband doesn’t know how much that is.

His attitude will not change until he deals with the problem, but he doesn’t want to. Knowing that causes me to be protective over finances. 

I've always had an extremely bad relationship with money. I was brought up to save up for what you wanted etc my brother lives as we were  brought up I've always been impulsive and pre- gambling if I wanted something I would buy it on credit. If I wanted to to out with friends and didn't have the money I would withdraw cash on overdrafts or credit cards. I didn't start gambling till my early 30s again different to my parents and brother who as far as I know have never gambled. I have always had impulse control issues and now in my 50s I am finally learning how to control myself.

My relationship ship was money was very bad during my damaged self days. I used money to escape my miserable existence through addiction, used it as a tool to appear something special by buying materialistic stuff to boost my damaged self perception or used it to buy popularity so other people liked and accepted me because I certainly didn't. 

Thankfully with the help of others and the hard work I've done I don't live by any of the above but use money to have amazing life experiences with my love ones. 

Yes al you make a lot of sense and have come on leaps and bounds but can we ever have a normal relationship with money again? I think there's arguments to say why try and have a normal relationship our relationship is working!

Throughout my entire life money has only been fodder to feed my gambling. When I don't gamble I respect it, I know how hard earned it is but I also spend it on the right things.

I would say that I do have a healthy relationship with money but not with gambling. Keep the two separate and I'm good.

Chris.

Hi Anna, yes I'm the sane I'd be thinking about the costs of drinks, cost of clothes, adding it all up then I'd be like twenty quid that's nothing reloud twenty quid again and so on.   .now after a year I don't spend on gambling and its great but to really treat ourselves we should not feel guilty spending on ourselves.  What's brought up this conversation is I was think of spending quite a bit of money on black Friday on a new console but I looked at my spreadsheet and thought but I can spend under five hundred in the year if I don't and if I do it doubles it.  I mean why not indulge? When I was told about good films on Netflix (and I'm a film buff) I'd think I don't want anything regularly coming out my account.  But a friend said why not indulge...  And I thought why not ey, so I did and I've got soo much entertainment from it!!! Its all I watch now .... So I think its fair to say let your friends and family push you towards the correct decisions don't go on what you've personally trained yourself to think.......there is life after gambling and its open to everyone....... Indulge amba xxx

Yes c43 I completely agree and would love to do a course!!!

Merry go round I also like a cushion and there's nothing wrong with being sensible but we need to be able to treat ourselves and not feel guilty...  You've done great for both of you.

Yes charlieboy sounds like buy it now pay back later is something that you could change but in some cases it works well.

G

Rest turn around Wallis, I read a quote that said travelling is the only thing that when you purchase it you get richer.....I believe we should spend our hard earned wisely on friends, family experiences trips that make us richer with good memories as a result.....what's everyone think?