Do you have a healthy relationship with money? lets discuss

I love all these inputs from everyone on this topic! 🙂 

I used to always seek things that bought very quick and limited happiness/fulfilment but my life was a constant chase of the next thing to replace the last one. I'm fortunate that during my recovery I've got to travel the world with my wonderful wife and soak up the beauty of the natural world and have fulfilment from all the incredible memories that we have made from our experiences.

Ineffable sounds like a rollercoaster....long may you continue to have a good relationship with money and have the retirement you deserve.

I like this thread too Wallis!! i think we have all seeked those pleasures at some point in life and some find them easy to live with and others don't.

Hi

I did not respect money or respect myself.

I use to think that money would make me happy.

Not that way for me.

The money was just the fuel for my addiction.

Once in recovery I would calculate how many hours it takes to earn 1,000 pounds.

Then I would understand that by me going in to the gambling establishment giving the all of my money I was in effect working all those hours for nothing.

I did not value myself or value the money.

I heard in meetings that only when you love your self you can love other people.

I heard also in meetings that only when you respect your self you can respect other people.

One day I met with man who was very wealthy indeed, I asked him if he had reached his goals of having so much money.

The man was puzzled and talked to me, he asked do you think that my goals in my life was to get lots of money, I said yes.

He smiled and explained his goal in life was to be successful, his goals was never money.

He explained that being successful in what he does brings in money.

The question I asked my wife after being married along long time what was love.

Shirley told me that love is giving of your self unconditionally, at that time I could not do that.

So money gives me more choices, yet money will not bring me happiness.

The recovery program helps us heal our pains our self.

The recovery program helps us help our self.

The recovery program helps us become more and more aware and how to become healthy people and heal from the past.

We learn to have empathy for ourselves.

We learn to became people we would like to know.

There were some very healthy spiritual people in my life that were very healthy people, I saw myself in those people did not know it at the time.

Those healthy spiritual people helped me in some ways I did not understand at the time.

They helped me understand what a healthy person is like.

In the recovery program I would see and hear myself in those people I would identify with them, I would not only see the healthy in them but I would also see myself as I use to be. 

From those people I understood if they could do it so could I.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave Of Beckenham UK.

No I've never had a healthy relationship with money, possessions, people and indeed life.

I feel that made me highly vulnerable to becoming a gambling addict.

I bought loads of stuff to make me feel happy but barely used most of it. I had more of an OCD complex about marking it rather than using the stuff. It seemed a comforter just to display it and try and present some false status to please myself. Cameras I never used and cars I got bored of way before time etc etc

Money....never had enough of it and never really had any ambition to work myself up the greasy pole or start something myself.......always saw risk and felt anxiety

I've been lonely depressive and anxious all my life. I Realise now that I hated all my earlier jobs but just plodded on at the time getting more depressed and stressed

I see how gambling started, crept into and took over my life. The truth is that it started through boredom and loneliness. It carried on as it was the only hit I was really seeking in an empty life.

In later life it took over completely as I didn't seem to have a purpose for any of my money.......oh can't afford a holiday then I would put more money in a slot machine.......so I could have had a good holiday but I was so jaded about everything. 

For me there were definitely mental illnesses running in tandem with the gambling illness. They would feed off each other keeping me in a loop. Escape and self harm from a life I was not facing in a healthy way

So I hope my honesty makes others question themselves. A gambling addiction is deep and complex. It's most often related to other serious issues

Best wishes to everyone on the forum

Hi

What things make me feel good about myself today, I do not waste my money or time on unhealthy gambling, I do not want or need to lie today, I do not want or need to live in fear today, I do not want or need to be angry today, I do not want or need to live in fear of emotional intimacy today, I do not want or need to live with unhealthy habits today.

I am a non-religious person, No one could stop me gambling, that had to be own healthy choice each and every day.

My addictions an obsessions were the symptoms that I was emotionally vulnerable, when I could not cope with my feelings and emotions I would escape in unhealthy ways.

I used to lie because I feared being honest, thinking that honesty and accountability were going to be very painful.

The gambling establishments never made me lie, the gambling establishments never made me do any thing I did not want to do.

The gambling establishments knew the longer I stayed in there the more likely I was of losing my money win or lose I would come out with more pain than I had before I went in there.

If only I had, if I did it that other way, why me, and yet no matter how much fear pain or frustrated I was after a few hours of sleep I wanted to go back to self-punishment again and again.

The recovery program for me was a healing process, yet I could only heal my pains once I identified each of my pains.

Each pain in my life caused fears in me that I did not understand.

I understand that my needs and wants were not being fulfilled my parents, in fact at the end of my mother’s life she was still living in many fears.

When I paid off my big debts there was a debt to my mother, I agreed to pay her in full once I got other debts paid.

I said to Mum I am now ready to start paying you back, my mu laughed and said no, I argued with er for along time then one day she said to me that she would have twice the amount I owed her to have her son healthy once more.

I explained that the debt was not about the money but about me being responsible mature accountable and honest with myself.

And again, my mother said no, and that is final. It would have caused her pain for me to mention it anymore, so I let go of that debt.

The most important thing about my recovery is that people close to me no longer fear me, what is powerful is not only my pains being healed, but their pains are also being healed.

Once fears reduce trust becomes more often, the most important trust is being able to trust myself, to be honest with myself, as to what my feelings and emotions are, if I have any unhealthy reactions in any way.

I understand being consumed with my addictions I was not fully motivated, my thinking was I have to do this, or I have to do that, it was almost like I did most things resentfully, by being resentful I get no reward from doing things.

Being in the recovery program was nothing to do about us beating our self-up, in fact it is the exact opposite, to exchange all unhealthy habits into healthy habits.

I used to doubt myself, I use to avoid any commitment whatsoever.

In Calgary I decided t arrange ten pin bowling, sent out suggestions and asked people to put their name on the sheet, which was slow but getting nearer to the date people came more forward.

Sadly, they would not pay to the very last moment, I was committed to covering a certain amount of people personally.

The day was very successful and even after wards people did not want to go home, we all went and ate in a restaurant, and there were hours of stimulated sharing.

The second time I arranged it I was already aware of people procrastinating and again it went very well.

The longer I was in recovery I got to know myself and other people in recovery much more.

Yes, years ago, I walked into the recovery program a complete loner, full of fear and mistrust, did I think anything, or anyone would stop me gambling, not at all.

Yet in those days I was willing to give up all faith and hope in myself so very often.

Today I can say that gambling was not my problem, no for sure I was the problem, other people can gamble and walk away, for me that was not possible.

The most important things in my life today are healthy close intimate relationships and time, everything else comes third place after those.

The more I got into my recovery the more my steel was going to be tested. You would think it would get simpler, not so in time I got to sort things out in healthy ways.

The question is how much do I value myself today, how much do I love myself today, how much do I respect myself today, how much time and effort do I put into my recovery today.

Love and peace to everyone

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham UK

@loux same want  treat myself or tell the kids I can’t afford it but Throw it all away on gambling I have no value for money when it comes to slots  it’s like it’s not real money because u can’t see it till u got to cash point and Realise you’ve got no money you spent it all gambling new day for me thou ?

Hi

On walking into the recovery program, I did not understand that I could not be trusted with money.

I could not trust myself so in time spending more time in the meetings meant I was not gambling.

I did not value myself or money.

I use to work for days weeks and months and waste my money away and have nothing to show for my hard work but pains and frustrations.

Once debts were paid back I found it difficult to reward my or able to compliment myself on having made progress in my recovery.

I would write down my needs, my wants and in time my goals.

This helped me stay focused and be more productive with my time.

There is a big difference between being productive and being obsessive.

The recovery program would enable me to learn to heal my pains, face my fears and reduce my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations.

By my having unreasonable expectations I was causing myself pains and fears.

My addictions and obsessions were unhealthy, my addictions were a complete waste of money and time.

My addictions were a form of self abuse and neglect.

Just for today only I will not gamble, I will not smoke, I will not get drunk, I will use my time more wisely.

Love and peace to everyone

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham UK

Hi

For me money was just the fuel I used toe scape people life and situations.

For me money would not heal my pains.

For me money would not reduce my fears.

For me money would not make me hepapy.

For me money gives you more choices in your life.

You could go where ever you wanted to go, yet why take your worst enemy with you.

For me money allows your more masterial things.

Being successful is not about money it is about healthy interactions actions and healthy words.

You can buy success with money.

Once we focus on our ehaling and growth money loses it value.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham.

I'm not sure what do you mean by a healthy relationship with money. I usually spend a lot of money on things that don't bring me anything in return. Although I always put money aside for hard days, pay my bills, and try not to borrow.

Hi

Money represents how hard I worked for a certain amount of time and get paid for that time.

I use to think that if I had a lot of money I would feel succesful in my self.

Today money gives me more choices and gives me more material things.

Yet money helps me feel secure in my home.

Yet money did not heal my pains.

Yet money did not reduce the fears of my childhood.

Money can be used to do healthy things.

Before my recovery I did not value money or value my self.

Once I could trust my self with money and use it wisely and in healthy ways I was abale to do other things with my life.

Money was just the fuel for my addiction.

Once I valued money and used it wisely it made me make healthier choices.

It is a very sad fact at one time I was my own worst enemy.

By going to meeting I make much healthier choices in my life.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckeham 

Posted by: @Anonymous

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Hi

Money represents how hard I worked for a certain amount of time and get paid for that time.

I use to think that if I had a lot of money I would feel succesful in my self.

Today money gives me more choices and gives me more material things.

Yet money helps me feel secure in my home.

Yet money did not heal my pains.

Yet money did not reduce the fears of my childhood.

Money can be used to do healthy things.

Before my recovery I did not value money or value my self.

Once I could trust my self with money and use it wisely and in healthy ways I was abale to do other things with my life.

Money was just the fuel for my addiction.

Once I valued money and used it wisely it made me make healthier choices.

It is a very sad fact at one time I was my own worst enemy.

By going to meeting I make much healthier choices in my life. Money is earned by hard work. For some, this is easy, as they receive bribes. Recently studied the topic "corruption", found https://studydriver.com/corruption/ for this. So I think that this is not fair, everyone should have a well-deserved income. We need to fight this and not sit still. But lately I see that the world is heading towards the abyss.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckeham 

Hi

Money will not make me happy.

Money will not heal my pains.

Money will enable me to have more choices in my life.

Money represents time I worked to earn that money.

It is not possible to have a relationship with some thing material.

I could not respect money because I did not respect my self.

Only when I could respect my self could I respect other people.

Only when I could love my self could I love other people.

Paying back money will not heal pains due to my betrayal and lies to other people.

Only when I value money could I be trusted with money once more.

Money will not buy success for me.

My success is due to my healthy actions and my healthy words.

It is not possible have a healthy relationship with money.

It is not possible to love money.

A healthy relationship is based up on my healthy interactions with healthy like minded people.

Money can buy material things.

Money can not buy love.

Money can not buy trust and sincerety.

Money can not get rid of my fears.

Money can not buy me peace of mind.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham

It's great to hear that you've made significant progress in managing your finances and reducing your expenses over the years. Going from spending £8,000 after bills to £500 is an impressive achievement, and it shows that you've developed some useful skills in budgeting and financial discipline.

However, it's also important to recognize that having a healthy relationship with money involves more than just cutting expenses. While it's good to save money and avoid overspending, it's equally important to allow yourself to enjoy your life and indulge in things that bring you happiness and fulfillment.

In your case, it seems like you've become quite strict with yourself when it comes to spending money, almost to the point where you're tracking every pound you spend as a "plus" or "minus." While this approach may have helped you get your finances under control, it could also lead to a scarcity mindset around money, where you feel like you can never truly relax or enjoy yourself because you're always worried about overspending.

To cultivate a healthier relationship with money, you might want to consider shifting your focus away from strict budgeting and towards developing a sense of abundance and freedom. I have a suggestions if you want, Set aside a small portion of your income each month for discretionary spending, practice self-compassion when you do overspend, focus on building multiple streams of income, cultivate gratitude for what you already have, and embrace experiences over material possessions. By implementing these strategies, we can develop a healthier relationship with money that allows us to enjoy our life while still maintaining fiscal responsibility.

Remember, it's important to strike a balance between saving for the future and living in the present – and by doing so, we can foster a deeper sense of financial well-being and contentment. 😉 

Money is just printed paper.

Money is given to me in payment for the time I took to earn it.

When I lost lots of money I was wasting my time.

In effect while I was gambling I was working for nothing.

Did I value my self, not at all.

I could not be trusted with money as it was the fuel for my unhealthy addictions.

Yet I found it difficult to hand over my finances as I felt it was a control issue.

Once I did hand over my money I was given each day a certain amount of money to fulfill my needs and wants during the day.

Over time because I learned to value and respect my self I also started to value money.

I understand that money would not heal my pains.

I understand now that money would help my fulfill my needs.

I understand now that money would help my fulfill my wants.

I understand now that money would give me more choices.

I understand now that money would not heal my pains.

I understand now that money would not reduce my fears.

At what time would I learn to love my self.

At what time would I learn to respect my self.

At what time would I stop reacting in such unhealthy ways.

At what time would I heal the hurt inner child in me.

At what time would I heal the hurt inner child and embrace emotional intimacy.

Money was never my emotional problem, and money was not going to heal my pains.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham

wow what a great topic for discussion. My wife has a healthy relationship with money but I don't. She is a saver , I am a spender/gambler. I'm trying so hard to change but it is so difficult. I do have financial controls in place so I cannot lose too much, but it is sad that I am so unhealthy with money I cannot even manager to go thru the day with a debit or credit card in my wallet. I want so much to change.