Help myself

Well done for taking the first step.

I still remember the crushing feeling I had when I got caught out the first time and I have to say that looking back on it (over 9 years ago) that it was still probably the best thing that could have happened despite the guilt and the shame. At the time what started out as a bit of fun at the bingo (having taken friends there when I lived round the corner as a bit of a laugh) quickly went downhill to online bingo and slots. I lost all my money, used payday loans, took out credit cards and student loans etc... I resorted to using my joint account and the bank called my partner and that's when it all came out. A lot of people describe gambling as a dirty secret and it's true - it's secretive, deceptive and easy to hide. But after he found out and it all came out it was the biggest weight lifted. I had a lot of support from friends and family, saw a councilor and went to went to GA meetings. This was such an important step and going to GA was the thing that helped the most - there really is no better cure than talking to likeminded people who can relate to what you are going through.

Sadly I had a recent relapse which is why I'm on here tonight. It's easier said than done to say don't chase losses - and the rush you get - but even this makes me feel sick to my stomach. Knowing the journey I've been on to get over it - really you never are as your only one bet away from self destruction mode. BUT life can be good, it can be great without gambling. So I am going to try everything I can to stop and not place another bet. I've cancelled all my accounts and downloaded blocking software on my devices. But it's still  not enough and talking about it really helps. I'm not ready to tell my husband yet. But I want to. For now I'm happy to chat on here, share stories and advice and we can help each other. 

You can overcome this and there is a lot of support out there.

Hey @dd666,

Thanks for sharing a few chapters from your story so far, just remember your story is still be written and you can give yourself the ending you desire. It appears you have reached the point where you are ready to fight this dreadful problem. It doesn't matter how many times you fall along the way, as long as you can get yourself back up when you feel able and ready to. I look forward to reading more of your rants and being able to offer my thoughts here and there as I'm also fighting too. Wishing you well on your journey and sending lots of positive energy and good vibes your way. I would also leave you with this, stop beating yourself up, you cannot change anything in the past, but you can change he future. Be more gentle and kind to yourself. All the best. 

Hi, DD666.

Thanks for sharing your story! I think at some point you might want to share this with your loved ones. Trust me I know it's embarrassing and you feel shameful, we all do, it's a nasty side effect of this terrible disease but once out in the open, your friends and family will try and help you get over this addiction. There is a lot more help out there these days than there was even 10 years ago which is no surprise as access to gambling has become much more prolific and available over the last 10 to 20 years with the rise of online gambling. The most useful tools out there are self exclusions you can do nowadays, Gamstop being the best in my opinion as it totally blocks you from all Gambling Commission Licensed online casinos operating in the UK (very useful) and then there is Sense which blocks you from all land-based casinos in the UK and all other betting shops, bingo halls, adult gaming centres and arcades if you so wish, also very useful. There are also gambling blocking tools like GamBlock which you download onto your devices and it stops you being able to access the sites you wish to try and enter to gamble. I have one concern with Gamblock though which is if your hell-bent on gambling which I'm sure you have been at times just like myself you can always go and buy another computer and access the sites that way (I did this myself when I wanted to gamble) Like you mentioned in your post if you want to gamble it's very very hard to completely 100% limit access to gambling. I'm not actually sure what the answer is to take back control of one's own life and destiny. It's tough and ultimately it has got to come from you to stop and stay stopped but YOU CAN DO IT! Like in the other post if you fall off the wagon get back up again, just keep trying and trying every time you fall off the wagon dust yourself down and get back up again. Give your bank cards and money to friends and family just keep on batting on don't give up, you can be free of this disease trust me! Limiting your access to cash is also useful as I found that once I'd been on a gambling binge and I had no money left at all and I mean nothing I didn't HAVE to gamble because I couldn't as I didn't have the funds but once some money started coming through again which it definitely will the urge to gamble came back with it so when I got some cash I either gave it to someone or paid for something I needed without even trying to think about it because if you let yourself think about it you'll go off and use it for gambling and then obviously I couldn't pay the rent or another important bill. Anyways I could go on and on so I'll sign off for now and hopefully come and have another chat with you lovely people very soon. 

Stay Strong and never give up giving up!!!!

Regards, Matt.