Lying

HI Cardhue,

Just a quick update. I've not had time to craft a reply to your e-mail yet (froma week ago), although you'll see from how the challenge is evolving I have taken some of the sentiment of what you have said on board. I don't necessary agree with some of your points, but so be it, this whole 'recovering gambler' space is hightly subjective and personal so that's fine. I will respond more fully soon. All the best, Mixer

Hi

I use to fear being honest because as a child when I was asked to be honest I was punished for it.

I associated that being honest would be painful.

I also feared being honest because I felt that I would be abandoned or rejected.

That to was a child hood painful trauma experience.

Today I can be honest with out adversely affecting other people or myself.

I use to have a drink before mixing with people.

I use to fear doing work shops.

 Now I do work shops every six weeks, there was one fear of being asked question I did not have an answer to.

Then one day it happened, I was asked question I did not have an answer to, my reaction to the question was to laugh.

And to this day I do not even remember the question.

I do work shops and ask people questions and open up stimulation honesty.

Participation is very important that is how team work.

When asked how I am it is a question or is it an observation that people feel that I am not myself today.

I use to say I loved people, that was not a statement it was very much conditional, I was expecting some in return. 

Can I be myself today, can I tell people when I feel vulnerable, can I ask for help, can I give of myself unconditionally today, can I love unconditionally today, can my inner child come out to play today.

When children look at me and smile at me are they interacting with me as an adult or are they interacting with my healed inner child today.

When I lie am I cheating myself.

When I lie do fears grow in me.

When I lie do I adversely affect my relationships with other people and with myself.

Please keep going to meetings, you will benefit from it in so many ways.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham

Hi

The unhealthy habit of telling lies started long before my addictions and obsessions.

I was a victim in my child hood, it was very painful and caused me to want to protect my hurt inner child.

Hence the facade the pretence that I was some thing I was not.

The more pains I suffered and all kinds of abuse I built high walls built of fears.

These high walls built of fear protected my hurt inner child.

Sadly these high walls built of fear stopped me from having intimate relationships with other people.

Only once my fears reduced could I come out of myself and trust other people.

With each lie comes greater fears, the saying that honesty is the best policy is about having healthy relationship with myself and only then can I have healthy relationship with other people.

We  lie about our finances for me it was about my fears of rejection or abandonment or pain.

As a child when ever I was honest I was punished for it one way or another.

I grew up associating being honest as being painful.

In the rooms of recovery our fears reduce and our trust grow.

It is when we do step five that our fear of emotional intimacy really get healthier.

Now being honest can be done with out adversely affecting another person it is healthy.

Sadly people will often be honest to the point where they cause anther person pain, are they dumping their pains fears and frustration onto another person, is that in any way healthy.

In the past people would say that they wanted justice, is that true, or are they saying the want vengeance, will they find healing and emotional resolve and healing through their vengeance, for me not so.

In living a lie we only cheat our self.

Is abstaining on its own enough for me today.

How much time and energy am I willing to out in to my recovery.

How much do I value myself today.

I found that the reward for working my recovery is pride with in myself.

How much is of my hurt inner child is healed today.

Please keep going to meetings, you will benefit from it in so many ways.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham

Dave , it's yet  another GA  flyer on a 2 year old thread , it's becoming very much like when you wake one morning and know the Circus is coming to town because someone's slapped loads of red and yellow posters  all over the front of closed down shop's . 

Hi

Talking about lies is a very healthy thing to do.

From an early age when I asked to be honest I was punished for it.

So from a very age I feared being honest.

The most puzzling question asked of addicts is why do we just stop gambling.

My wife explained to me that by me lying I was destroying the trust she put in me.

How many people from day one entering recovery can honestly explain the deepest emotional reactions of reasons why they gambled.

Some might even think that they loved gambling.

I use to think that I loved gambling.

For me it was an adrenaline rush based up on my fears.

In time I got to understand that my fears were due to the pains I expereienced from an early age.

How can we explain to other people why we gambled when we do not understand it our self.

Today after my long time in the recovery program I understand that my addictions and obsessions just indicated how emotionally vulnerable I was.

Once I understood my emotional triggers which caused me to go to addictions and obsessions.

For me my emotional triggers were my pains I could not heal.

For me my emotional triggers were my fears that I could not face or reduce.

For me my emotional triggers were my frustrations due my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations.

For me my emotional triggers were my loneliness due to my fears of emotional intimacy.

For me my emotional triggers were my boredom due me not being able to be motivated towards my needs my wants and my goals..

I understood that my conscience is very much based up on spiritual values.

I am a non religious person so I understand that my spiritual values are not religious based.

On attending the recovery program over time I gave up talking about money lost or being in action.

Instead I gave deep seated honest therapies that exposed how I was each day emotionally.

As I exposed more of my self and had emotional intimacy with others I found that my fears reduced and my trust grew.

One day it was explined to me that my fears were due to the hurt inner child in me was trying to stop being caused any more pains.

I understand that the recovery program was about healing my pains and learning to live my life with out fears today.

The simple truth that I was a victim in so many ways.

Yet I got to understand that I would have remained beig the victim if I did not learn how to set boundaries in my life from a place of peace.

Many people use to pick on me with out knowing who I was.

I got to understand that aggressive perpetrators were people who had not healed their pains.

That aggressive perpetrators saw them selves in me.

My lies indicated how much fear I was living in.

My anger agression guilt shame resentments hatred indicated that my pains had not been healed or resolved.

Why do people laugh at the statment that honesty is the best policy.

Do most people fear being honest.

Yet for me my unhealed pains and my fears made me aware that I was not able to have very healthy close emotional with my self or other people.

The reason that my emotional age and physical age did not match up.

I use to say and think that work stressed me out.

I now understand that it was my unhealthy reactions that caused me to live in growing unresolved fears.

It is clear that living in so many fears disabled me in so many ways.

I wrote down on sheets of paper what my fears were.

I then asked my self what is the very worst that could happen, if I was willing to accept the very worst that could happen that my fears reduced drastically.

It was important to take my largest fear first of all.

10 being the high, now all of my fears are on low single numbers.

So by reducing my fears I am less stressed out.

At one time my fear were so great I use to go into panick mode and could not even think things out clearly.

Yes for me teh addictions only indicated how emotionally vulnerable I use to be.

Healing love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham

Hi

I am a non religious person.

For me it was important to give up all forms of gambling.

Only once I was abstaining from unhealthy habits could I learn healthy habits.

Just for today only I will not gamble is a healthy boundary I set up for my self and my own well being.

For me gambling is an unhealthy habit I do not want or need today.

No one could stop me gambling that was my choice.

Why would any healthy person go to work for to earn money and then give it away to complete strangers.

I do not want to lie to my self or any one else.

I do not want to live in fear and anxiety.

For me gambling is a form of self abuse.

For me gambling is a form of self form of pain and suffering.

For me recovery was not only give up gambling one day at a time.

But I was able to live a much healthier life.

I do not want to lie to my self.

I do not want to procrastinate any more.

For me recovery was not only healing the hurt inner child in me.

For me recovery was a daily invoice of my self and my actions.

For me recovery helped me give up smoking.

Smoking was damaging my health but also cost me over 70,000.

For me recovery helped me give up drinking tea and coffee that saved me lots of money.

Being in the recovery helped me be more aware of how much more I could do with my life and my time.

For me recovery helped me achieve so much more with my life.

Pride was not a feeling I ever felt before my healthy recovery.

Being in the recovery helped me humble my self to be an equal to all people in  the recovery program.

How much more can I do with my life today.

The most important things in my life today healthy relationships my time and my recovery and my healthy healing.

Healing and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham

Hi Lying only indicates how much pain ad fear I was hiding be hind.

Lying is a betrayal of people trust of us.

A healthy conscience is absed up healthy intimacy.

The more we lie the more guilt and shame we live in.

If I am unable to be honest with my self the less likely am abale to be honest wit other people.

Lying deceptions and my pains all lead down the road to self destruction.

Just for today I no longer want to hurt myself other people.

Healing love and peace to every one.

Dave L

Dave of Beckenham 

@merry-go-round 

For me Lying is a very unhealthy habit.

Yet from my childhood when ever I was asked to be honest I was punished for it.

For me the rrecovery program helps us heal our pains and reduce our fears so we do not have to tell lies any more.

One serious fear was that about being abandoned.

I would try and person please people, tring to buy their love or freindships.

I even thought that if I Make people laugh that they would not hurt me.

The recovery program was about me learning to be honest to my self first of all.

Walking in to the recovery program I was not laughing I was in lots of pains and fears.

Once I took recovery seriously I would not only save my life but would help me become a much healthier person. 

For me lying indicated how many fears I was living in.

Why did I gamble, because it was a form of escape in my fears.

When I Had certain emotional triggers I would run away from people life and my self.

The recovery program helped me reduce my fears and open u much more deeply.

Sadly people carry a lot of guilt shame and regret in the start of their recovery.

Sadly people having a lot of guilt shame and regret are living in the pains of their past.

In my recovery I found that living in pain is not healthy for me so I decided to heal those pains.

Just for I do not want or need to gamble or lie.

I understand that Gambling is the last thing I want to do in my life.

If I go Gambling  I simply make muchs much worse and cause more pain in my life.

Just for today I do not want to lie any more.

Just for today I want to be the healthiest person I can be today.

Just for today I want to value my self and value people that I love.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham

Hi

On walking in to the recovery program over 50 years ago I could not understand my self or my lies.

I am a non religious person.

I can say that the recovery program helped me get more honest with my self.

And being honest is not about beating our self up.

My conscience is based up on healthy spiritual values.

People will have many excuses why they lie and will justify it to them self.

For me telling lies was fear and pain based.

For me telling lies also indicated my lack of healthy emotional intimacy with my self and with other people.

On walking in to the recovery program could I be completely honest with my self.

On walking in to the recovery program did I think I could stop my self from gambling or other unhealthy habits.

Then by finding a deep therapy based meeting that was where deep honesty grew in the meeetings.

That is also where my fears reduced and I became more aware of my self and aware of my hurt inner child.

Why did my physical age and my emotional age not match up.

Why was I not able to articulat what my feelings and my emotions were.

At what time in my recovery would I give such deep therapies that my hurt inner child no longer lived in fear of exposing him self to other people.

By finding a deep therapy based meeting that was where my emotional intimacy grew in the room.

Then my emotional intimacy grew with in my family.

We often think that in our relationships that we were the only ones hurt in our child hood.

The like minded people in the recovery program took recovery very seriously, giving up and facing their fears, understanding that our anger and guilt told us we were not healing our pains.

The recovery program helped me understand that the word recovery means healing.

If I was not healing my pains I would still react in some very unhealthy angry aggressive ways.

The recovery program helped me understand that if I did the work in my recovery I would find inner peace and healing by putting time and great effort in to my work.

Meetings after meetings were very powerful.

There has been many hours spent standing out side meetings after they closed which helped me so much.

The recovery program helped me help my self.

The recovery program helped me over come a huge procrastination.

They say that honesty is the best policy but what do they know.

Healing love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham

Hi

For me lying indicated how much pain and fear I was living in.

For me lying indicated how unhealthy and how emotionally vulnerable I was.

For me I was lying to my self.

For me I was lying to others and causing pains and suffering in our realtionships.

In my therapies my lies and my fears were trying to protect the hurt inner child in me.

Only once I abstained from unhealthy habits I would stop self abusing my self.

Only once I abstained from unhealthy habits could I exchange my unhealthy habits healthy habits.

No one could stop me gambling that had to be my own choice.

No one could stop me risk taking and becoming an adrenaline J****E that was going to be my own choice.

Only when Ilearned to value my self in healthy ways would I give putting my self and other at risk.

The recovery program means to me healing.

The more time and effort I put in to my recovery the more I become a beneficiary of those new found healthy habits.

When people lie they are going against their own conscience and against spirtual values.

In time we start to value our self.

In time we start to respect our self.

In time we start to love our self.

In time we are nurtured and encouraged to overcome our procrwstinations.

In time we have much more babalnce in our life.

Then each day just for today I do not want or need to gamble.

Then each day just for today I do not want or need to lie to my self or any other person..

I have given up smoking over twenty years it saved me over 74,000.000

I have given up drinking tea and coffee over twenty years now.

I have given up making promisess.

Since being in the recovery program I vaue time and healthy relationships more and more.

Healing oving and peace.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham

Hi

I do not want or need to lie today.

Telling lies indicated that I had fears in me that were unhealthy.

Telling lies indicated that I had pains in me that were unhealthy and not healed.

The person I get honest with first of all is me.

I no  longer want or need to be the scared loner.

Through therapies my fears reduced, my trust grew and grew, and emotional intimacy grew with in me.

Dave L.

AKA Dave of Beckenham

Hi

Lying just indicated how much fear and pain I was still living in. Lying just indicated how much I was going against my own conscience. Living a lie was and is not today healthy for me. When I am asked how am I is it a question realy.

Saying I am fine when I am in pain and living in fear I am not living a healthy life.

Lying is a deception a betrayal of people of healthy relationships. 

Living a lie the person I am cheating is my self.

How much balance do I have in my life today.

Am I committed to fulfilling my needs.

Am I committed to fulfilling my wants.

Am I committed to fulfilling my goals.

How often do I write down my lists of things to do with my time.

Am I cheating my self my family and my life by procrastinating.

Are all of my fears low level numbers today.

By lying I am cheating my self today.

By lying I am not facing my self honestly today.

By not healing that hurt inner child my emotional age and my physical age will never be equal.

By not healing that hurt inner child my life is not being fully fulfilled today.

Being honest is a healthy quality I deserve in my life today.

Healing Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckeham.

Hi

Lying why do we do it.

My fears were due to the unhealthy unhealed pains I experienced in my childhood.

As a child when ever I was asked to be honest I was punished for it.

So when asked to be honest I instantly reacted thinking it would be painful.

Lying indicated my fears and my pains that have not been healed or resolved.

By not healing my pains, by not facing and reducing my fears I am cheating my self from healthy emotional intimate relationships with my self and with other people.

Once we abstain from unhealthy habits and exchange those unhealthy habits in to healthy habits.

Then we are stop hurting our self.

It was not possible for me to heal my pains if I was still causing myself more pains.

Therapies help reduce our fears.

Therapies help us feel comfortable being open and honest.

Therapies help us increase our trusting.

Therapies help us open up to healthy intimacy with our self and with others.

When I am able to respect my self I am able to respect others.

When I am able to love myself I am able to love others.  

Recovery is about healing.

Recovery is about being the healthiest person I can be today.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham

Hi

My lies just indicated how much pain and fear I was living in.

My conscience is based up on healthy spiritual values.

Before my recovery every day was a lie to me.

Lying is a betrayal peoples  trust of me.

Lying to myself is the worst thing I could do.

The gambling just indicated how emotionally vulnerable I use to be before my recovery.

Being in the recovery program is a life saver for me.

Dave L