Hi All,
Its boxing day and im thinking King George day at Kempton not to mention the other 10 race meetings on offer as well as a full football programme even though im 138 days gf. Despite self exclusion and shop exclusion im thinking maybe i can walk into a shop and the staff may not recognise me and have a little flutter. Then im thinking my wifes at the match and back to my old ways lies, deceit and everything ive achieved gone in one moment of madness. My sister rings telling me shes off to visit her twin whos a long term patient in hospital which involves a 12 mile journey on 3 different buses for her. Thankfully i came to my senses and quickly offered to go and get her in my car. Afternoon visiting times are 2 til 4 right in the middle of the time racing & football are in full swing. I drop her off at the hospital and even though i dont want to i tell her to ring me after the visit and ill take her back home, an offer she gladly accepts.At 3 pm she calls me to take her home whilst in the meantime ive had my dog out for a walk. Another gf day despite the devil telling me ill never change.
Wednesday 27th Chepstow races Welch grand national plus big racing action in Ireland all advertised on tv and the urges just as bad. Wife wants to go shopping and maybe pick up a sale bargain and asks me to go along. When at first i say no she asks if ive got something else planned. She knows exactly how a gamblers mind works now and the trigger points like being home alone. In the end i decide to join her to be as far away from horse racing football and everything else gambling related.
Im not a brand snob but i love Clarks shoes ( simply because they last ) and as we approach the Clarks shop she suggests we take a look as theres massive reductions. As im wandering around i pick up a pair of black brogues that have been reduced and she asks do you like them ? try them on. At first i said no but she insisted then seeing that they fit me she immediately took them to the till and bought them.
What a wake up call for me knowing that someone ive hurt deceived and lied to for so many years can even now show kindness and love to me without a thought for herself. I wish i could honestly say the urges are gone for ever but theyre clearly not. What i do know is the next time they come ill reflect on the day she took me shopping and showed such kindness to someone like me who became a lying deceitful scumbag and only cared about feeding my addiction for so many years. TODAY I WILL NOT GAMBLE because my family deserve better.
Stay Strong
AL
I relate to your post in some ways mate. I still get feelings to go in and stick a wee coupon on especially in the last few days. I was over a year without a bet. Started dabbling again in September a few quid here and there and now December with the high profile meetings I spent hundreds. Problem for me is that the person I need most in my life, my girlfriend is at her lowest point ever. She’s the most supportive person in the world when it comes to it and is so selfless, whereas I become selfish and lie when gambling. I’m getting back on the straight and narrow from today mate and appreciating that one person in my life more than ever!
I felt so much better when I was a year clean. Over the last year I’ve been on more trips holidays than ever and have a better social and family life. I have money in my pocket too. I won’t let gambling consume me again
Alwalm,
What a positive post to read!
Well done! I hope you had a fabulous Christmas!
Sarah
Great post. Great insight into the battle a sports gambler faces and how it can be overcome if the mind is right.
Hi Davie04,
Thanks for posting youre so lucky to have such a supportive loyal partner. The best reason in the world to stop.Wish i had some good news but as CGs all we do is slowly throttle the life out of the people we love most whilst we are gambling.
I cant describe the feelings but every time i lied about stopping a little bit more sparkle disappeared from my wifes eyes and eventually i turned a wonderful woman into a disappointed broken woman who began to expect nothing more than a life of deceit and lies from me.
My addiction almost destroyed a girl who never stopped trusting and believing in me until i almost anhialated her and the images of that empty smile still haunt me today. Ive gambled for over 40 years.
Get to grips with this soul destroying addiction,and make her proud. Show her the loyalty shes shown in you isnt wasted. Compulsive gamblers are not honest people lies and deceit go hand in hand with gambling.If you can say youre not in control of your gambling. unless you seek help and accept everything offered from counselling to exclusion theres no happy endings.
Stay Strong
AL
Hi Aln
, Great post ALN.Since joining Gamcare ive removed all sports apps from my phone and try not to watch sky sports channels. Newspapers are a definite no no. However my wifes a season ticket holder, and loves the beautiful game for what it is rather than seeing it as a betting opportunity so i cant really ask her to stop watching the hype and build up to a game several days before.
Even without that my brains become a calendar over the years. March Cheltenham, May 1000 & 2000 guineas June the Derby followed by Royal Ascot. August Yorks Ebor meeting etc etc. Even on sky sport they tell you all about big meetings coming up just as they do on ITV.
Given the fact that 26th & 27th of December i resisted the fear factor is still there. Still struggling and fearfull of getting through March without Cheltenham.Imagine telling a muslim he cant do his annual pilgrimage to Mecca. Every days a struggle but i keep asking myself how i want to be remembered when im gone. A low life who gambled everything i ever worked for or maybe just maybe someone who gave something back to the family that blindly supported me throughout this wretched addiction.How true it is when people tell me take it one day at a time.
Stay Strong
AL
Hi Change.
Thanks for posting.Maybe my mind is right at the moment but we have to remember we are one bet away from disaster. Wish you a successful recovery.
Stay Strong & Stay Focused
AL
Hi Sarah,
Keep posting as your inspiration and support are a breath of fresh air for me.The one thing thing we have in common is the hurt and destruction weve caused to innocent people. Your strength is mine.
God Bless
AL
Hi San,
Thanks for all your support & kindness i would be still gambling if it wasnt for everyone on here. I find strength from everyone involved including yourself. Good luck on your journey of recovery.
Syay Strong
AL
Hi
For me understanding what is most important to us today is simple.
If we knew we only had one day to live what would we want with us in that last day.
To be standing alone in a gambling establishment.
To have big bags of money next to us.
Or to be able to have a very close intimate relationship with people that we love and that love us.
Money gives us more choices.
Money was never going to resolve my emotional vulnerability.
Money was never going to resolve my emotional triggers.
Money was never going to buy me a sincere loving relationship.
Gambling was a form of escape from people life and situation when I felt emotionally vulnerable.
Pride can not be bought or given away.
Pride is the consequences of healthy actions and healthy words.
If you are going against your own conscience against spiritual values and hurting your self and other people you are being unhealthy.
Please keep going to meetings, you will benefit from it in so many ways.
Love and peace to every one.
Dave L
AKA Dave of Beckenham
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