Why do you think you gamble?

My gambling went up significantly or at least the amounts didwhen my partner moved In. I’d lived alone for a few years and managed, then I got this extra few hundred quid a month I gambled the first month and won, then you know the rest. I’m trying not to think about the past but if I’d have lived the same way as when I lived alone I could have banked 90% of that extra money without touching it.

What does strike me on here is the amount of very high earners, I guess it’s like a lot footballers who bet the more they have the more they want? This is a good thing also though, if you have a decent wage once you stop every payday will be a massive win. Sorry to go OT a bit there.

This is a good question that I've given quite a lot of thought over recently as I try to tackle my gambling addiction.

I always thought I gambled through habit but I actually think it's to relieve anxiety and worry. Even though it's led to me feeling the worst sense of fear and dread I've ever had after my recent devastation.

In the past if I had something on my mind, however serious or trivial a gambling fix would shake me out of it. If I lost it would give me something else to focus on and rationalize with how to overcome the stupid losses or if I won I'd feel content and cheerful that I've some free money burning a hole to be used or whatever.

This realisation has come out as I'm 3 weeks in to being gambling free and the initial feelings of being dead set against ever gambling again subside. This is now being replaced with fear that without the opportunity to potentially win again, I've no longer the opportunity for this much needed boost of money and energy. It's a peculiar mindset but as I try to deal with the fall out of losing £10k in less than 10 minutes and being financially screwed for the foreseeable future it's hard to think about anything other than not having any money and feeling low.

Thankfully I've got my first GA meeting tomorrow night and I'm awaiting a call back about being referred on for some one to one counselling.

I'm not ever going back to my old ways, but my life feels very strange and scary without gambling.

I’ve joined GamCare today despite stopping all my betting accounts today I still went and placed £20 at abetting shop and I’m struggling to be able to want to stop betting on football when I’m planning on watching the game.the issues I’ve had with gambling is that I still enjoy placing a bet and do enjoy an in play bet as it’s an added incentive to watch the game I always placed bets on goal scorers between £15-20 on each game n I felt like if he didn’t score first he will score the next n keep chasing my losses on the games following its an expensive habit I just want to break but I’m unsure of what to do to stop myself or how to get past watching a game and seeing a bet I would of placed come in. Any suggestions or experiences similar?

Boredom, depression and to feel something... Something more than what my perceived 'mundane' life was offering me at the time. Those were my reasons.

Now life is very much the same... Just more enjoyable and fulfilling. Must be the gratitude I have come to nurture after pressing the self-destruction button through gambling and hitting rock bottom. I had a choice... Either sit and remain at rock bottom or get up and start climbing. It's taken this horrific and bloody battle with gambling (which I lost) for me to realise that in fact my life was good... If only I had embraced what was good in it in the first place and was grateful at the time. All the s**t I embraced before was breeding selfishness, thoughtlessness and self-importance, gambling being the main fuel in that fire. Gambling had me licked... Licked, deluded and completely brainwashed.

The monetary gain was far down the list for me. However if I were to gamble again (which I do not intend to of course) it would be far more prominent in that list now due to the gambling debt I now find myself in. As many people have stated... The pull of addiction is its ability to lure you back in to give you back what it took from you in the first place. In our case money.

I first gambled as a way to try and escape from feelings of sadness about a relationship breakup.

I have had anorexia for most of my life and was receiving treatment. I no longer had the crutch starvation gave me and then I found gambling. It had the same affect anorexia had. Helped me avoid my emotions and real problems. I wish I never started. At first it seemed harmless and helped but then I got sucked in and I’m trying to get out now

Hi

The reasons I escaped to my addictions and obsessions was very much fear based.

My emotional triggers were my pains not healed. My emotional triggers were my fears not faced.

My emotional triggers were my frustrations due to my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations. By me having unreasonable expectations of people life and situations I was effect causing myself pains time and time again.

My emotional triggers were my feelings of loneliness due to my fears of emotional intimacy. My emotional triggers were my feelings of being bored. I can be honest today with out being cruel or adversely affecting other people. I can embrace change towards healthy habits today.

My unhealthy reactions to people life and situations indicated that my hurt inner child was not healed.

My unhealthy reactions in anger, resentments, impatience intolerance, jealous, envy, rage, lack of trust, guilt shame regret remorse penance person pleasing vengeance mistrust self worth low self esteem indicate that I am not fully healthy and not at serenity with myself today.

In time I would open up in the recovery program, I would open up to counseling talking about every conscious memory of my past.

What is happiness, for me happiness is being content with who I am today, who I am with today, where I am and what I have today.

Money was never going to buy happiness.

Some people will say that emotional triggers  are just excuses, for me that is not true.

My unhealthy reactions in anger indicated to me that my hurt inner child was not healed.

Being in the recovery I would understand how emotionally unhealthy I was, I would start to understand my unhealthy reactions to people life and situations.

Being in recovery I would learn and understand my unhealthy reactions towards people life and situations.

My unhealthy reactions in anger, resentments, impatience intolerance, jealous, envy, rage, lack of trust, guilt shame regret remorse penance person pleasing vengeance mistrust self worth low self esteem indicate that I am not fully healthy and not at serenity with myself today.

In time I would open up in the recovery program, I would open up to counseling talking about every conscious memory of my past.

What is happiness, for me happiness is being content with who I am today, who I am with today, where I am and what I have today.

Of my emotional triggers frustrations were the hardest to over come, my frustrations were due to my unreasonable expectations of life people and situations when they they do not go my way I use to internalize things.

Rewarding my self and complimenting our self was a healthy habit I needed to learn for myself.

Please keep going to meetings, you will benefit from it in so many ways.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham

I gamble because, in addition to being enjoyable, it pays well. The difficulties and anxieties of my everyday life can be avoided through gaming. It works really well for helping me forget some of my personal issues.

Hi

Once I started my unhealthy addiction I did not understand why I did it.

I  then got in to thinking that gambling was some thing that I loved.

Once I got in to recovery seriously then I understood gambling was some thing that I did to escape emotionally.

Then gambling was a great stress to my self and other people around me.

Then once I was seriously addicted to gambling it got and more painful.

Then once I was seriously addicted to gambling I had t tell more lies that caused more pains in me.

I was in effect traumatizing my self in some very unhealthy ways. 

Once I got in to recovery seriously then I started to understand more of my emotional triggers.

In recovery I got to understand that there were pains in my life that were not healed.

In the recovery program I got to understand that the addictions and obsessions only indicated hwo unhealthy I had become.

In the recovery program I got to understand that the addictions and obsessions were a from of self abuse.

I was in effect working hard for my money and giving it away and getting pain back.

Just for today only I do not want or need to gamble, for today it is not for me. 

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham

My reasons were multiple. First been learned behaviour from a dad who took me gambling on tracks and arcades from as early as I can remember. And then I had a period of not gambling while I was in the military. I just didn't have the desire or time to go to the bookies.

Then I changed jobs, got married and had children, I became selfish and wanted some time out of the house. Trips to the bookies met the need, this became more frequent. Just a few quid here and there. When my wife became terminally sick with cancer, the escape trips grew in intensity and cost. I began gambling heavily, losing a massive amount monthly. She died and I began gambling for 16 hours a day, incurring enormous debt. It was all just an escape, one that almost ruined me. Then a moment of clarity on September 7th 2011. The penny dropped and I realised that the game was over, I no longer needed to escape and stopped on that day. Best decision of my life.

Hi

I use to escape in my pains and fears to the unhealthy self destructive habit of Gambling.

Which caused more pains and more fears in me.

I got to the point I could nto be honest with my self.

Gambling is very unhealthy for me.

Dave L

Hi

The gambling and obsessions was a form of escape for me.

Once I got serious about my recovery I started to understand what my emotional triggers were.

Pains that were not healed.

Fears that I could not face reduce or understand.

My frustrations were due to my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations.

My feeling lonely was due to my fears of emotional intimacy.

And my boredom was very much due to my not being productive in every avenue f my life.

For me recovery means a healing process.

In my child hood I expereinced so many forms of abuse and often people would often transfer their pains fears and frustratins on tome.

After over 50 years of going to recovery meetings I got to understand that before my recovery I was a very unhealthy person.

My anger was an unhealthy reaction to pains fears and frustrations.

My anger could be expresssed in an agressive way or some times I would suppress my feelings and emotions.

My unhealthy reactions only indicated how hurt my inner child was.

The feelings of guilt shame regret only indicated that I had a very healthy conscience.

The feelings of guilt shame regret indicated that I was not healing my pains and it was unhealthy for me to beat my self up.

Why were therapies so very important to my recovery.

All the honest therapies was a kind of honesty I would learn from, from myu self and from other people.

Being such an unhealthy person I use to react in some very nhelthy ways.

The reason I lied was because the hurt inner child in me did not want for me to be hurt again.

As I healed and worked my recovery my fears reduced and my trust grew.

How often are people are reluctant to ask for help or use the telephone list.

How often do people think that using the telphone list is a sign of weakness.

Not so the exact opposite, using the telphone list is a sign of strength and epressess self worth.

In time I learned to be patient about my healing my pains.

The simple truth is that healing taking time.

Money is no longer an emotional trigger for me.

It is funny I some times for get that I do not have any money on me.

I use to drive my car on fumes, now I filll up petrol tank once it goes below half a tank.

I use to fear being honest now being honest shows that I no longer live in fear.

I use to filled with fear over every Xmas, once I understood that I was stressing my self out.

Showing appreciation and gratitude is an expression of my healthy values.

I also understand that my expression of appreciation and gratitude gernerates lots of emotional intimacy even from complete strangers.

I use to try and get things for nothing or cheap, I even use to dumpster dive when ever I could, some might say I was a very mean cheap person.

It just indicated how little I valued my self.

Writing down my needs my wants and my goals helps me get motivated in healthy ways.

I use to say all of the time I have to, that indicated that I did most things resentfully reluctantly or obsessively.

What is the point of doing nearly all things resentfully reluctantly or obsessively, by  doing things for unhealthy reasons I get no satisfaction from doing things.

I often ask people how to do certin jobs I am not sure of.

It is important to become self sufficient and learn more healthy skills.

In time in understanding my unhealthy reactions to people life and situations I make much healthier interactions.

Living in fear and being a loner just indicated the pains that were not being healed.

Being in a healthy rooom with healthy people helps me live a life being at peace with my self.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

Dave of Beckenham

Hi

For me the gambling just indicated that I had certain emotional triggers.

For me the gambling was a form of escaping and an adrenaline rush.

By going to meetings made me aware of how unhealthy I was.

By me being consumed by the gambling that I was in self destructive mode.

Only once I identitified how unhealthy I was could I then find a healing recovery path.

For me it required me of meeetings to understand my self.

I am a non religious person.

I have been in recovery over 50 years.

I have been married over 53 years.

I am still married I have one son and two grand children.

I would not be the persson I am today with out dedicating lots of time attendings recovery meetings.

There are GA Meetings ad theere are Gamanon meetings.

By both people attendning the meeting the family heals together.

I hope you can support your self and your husband during this very painful testing time.

Out of this healing there is lots of humour and emotional intimacy today.

Love healing and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham

Hi

Hi

For me the addictions and obsessions just indicated that I was simply emotionally vulnerable.

In time I got to understand what my emotional triggers were.

Pains I could not heal.

Fears I could not face or reduce.

Frustrations that were due to my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations and things not going my way.

Bordom because I was nto able to fulfill my needs my wants and my goals.

Loneliness due to my fears of emotional intimacy and fears of being rejected and abandoned.

Sadly my having unreasonable expectations of people life and situations I was causing myself lots of pains.

Some people would or might think that they loved gambling how true is that.

Well for me it was an adrenaline rush based on fear based issues.

For me my adrenaline rush was due to high levels of fears, the bigger the risk the bigger the buzz.

Sadly after that high adrenaline rush there was the big crash after wards and trauma from pains and self abuse I caused my self.

How could I possibly think that high levels of risks and fear was love.

Surely a loving relationship is based up on healthy intimacy with a living person or animal.

How could I think that I loved gambling when it was self destruction.

For me the addictions and obsessions were a form os escape which is fear based.

Was it healthy to live in fear.

Was it healthy to live life being a loner and fearing intimacy.

I am very much a non religious person.

Love healing and peace to every one.

Dave L

Dave of Beckenham

Hi

The reason that I gambled was a very deep issue not resolved in my life.

The word recovery for me means healing the pains and hurt inner child in me.

Only once I took the recovery program seriously and decided that I was a very unhealthy self destructive person.

The pains in my life caused fears in me that I did not understand.

In time I got to understand what was my emotional triggers that caused me to hide in fears and in unhealthy habits.

Often when people asked me how I was I told them not so bad or ok.

The reason people asked me how I was was because they felt that I was not my self.

In time I got to understand what was my other emotional triggers my frustrations due to my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations.

My other emotional triggers were loneliness and boredom.

By investing time and effort in to my recovery and with honest therpies I got to reduce my fears and my trust grew in me.

By investing time and effort in to my recovery I got to understand that I was emotionally vulnerable.

I was not a bad person, I was not evil, I was just was emotionally vulnerable.

As we all heal and peal back the onion the hurt inner child comes out of us.

My recovery and healing was a long process.

By working with liked minded people and giving therapies I found out that being emotionally vulnerable I was living in so much fear it disabled me from having healthy intimate relationships with my self and with other.

Each of my lies were due to my fears and pains.

I am a non religious person and embrace spirtual values in to my life.

Being in the recovery program has proved to be a very powerful expereince.

When I walked in to the recovery program I was a very inadequate insecure inept person.

I did not know that the pains and traumas in my life disabled my ability to learn and understand healthy educations.

I have met with many people in the recovery program London, New York, Canada, America and some times the recovery and sharing our enlightenments just even for one day that connection is very poerful and very strong. 

Being in the recovery program and understanding how long I was emotionally vulnerable, that if we are willing to invest and share we find we have so much more portenital in us.

We start to understand and fulfill writing out our needs and become more productive.

We start to understand and fulfill writing out our wants and become more fulfilled and rewarded for our efforts and our time.

Then as we become more productive we seak greater more challenging goals.

Healing Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

Dave of Beckeham.