Am I wrong?

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So my long term partner has been a compulsive gambler for over 15 years. He also suffers severe depression. In the past he is managed to rack up debts and wasn’t contributing anything to the household often leaving me to pay for the mortgage etc on credit cards whilst he gambled his wage. 
Anyway about three years he seemed to get himself back on track paid of some of the debts I’d incurred when he wasn’t contributing , paid off his own debts, gave me some money to take the kids on a holiday in the Uk and started contributing to the household again. 
However Im certain he is gambling again. He pays monthly towards the house but then the day after pay day is skint, he’s got himself loans and credit cards but won’t show me what the money has been spent on.  Now he’s telling me that I’m controlling him, I took advantage when he was vulnerable and let him pay the debts I’d incurred. I’ve spoken to his mum who was really annoyed so he’s accused me of trying to control and damage the relationship with his mum. I’ve blocked internet access to gambling sites but I’m being made to feel everything I’m doing is wrong and controlling! Im just trying to protect myself and the children. Am I wrong? Am I controlling? My anxiety is through the roof. I don’t know who to talk to or what to do. 

Posted : 27th March 2024 1:03 am
Posts: 1749


It is very sad that you have partner who has been a compulsive gambler for over 15 years.

If he suffers severe depression that is very painful sad and isloating.

For me only once I abstained from my addictions could the healing start on my pains.

During this time I was not able to have any healthy intimacy with my self or other people.

My wife aksed me to be honest and to not talk about money.

My wife just wanted me to stop lying about my addiction and the consequences.

Each day she asked me if I gambled.

Me being honest to her and my self reduced her fears of the unknown.

Being abstained was just the first part of my healing process.

In time I healed the hurt inner child in me.

The simple truth was that I could not trust my self with money or finances.

In some ways money was often related to my control issues.

The simple truth was that recovery only happened once I got really honest with my self.

Was my addiction and obsession unhealthy for me.

My fears became my wifes fears.

My pain became my wifes pain.

Gamanon is for the persons who are emotionally connected to the unhealthy addict.

The addictions and obsessions just indicated how emotionally vulnerable I use to be.

The addictions and obsessions just indicated how emotionally unhealthy I use to be.

Love healing and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham

Posted : 27th March 2024 1:21 pm

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