Consumed by hate

@mrs-m Sorry you are going through this.  It is normal to be very let down and upset if your husband has put you in this position.

Hate is a very consuming emotion. It's not healthy to carry long term. 

I am in no way defending your husband with what I am about to say but it may help you to let go of the hate if you understand how overwhelming and consuming a gambling addiction is...  It dominates the gamblers brain and invades your dreams.  Leads you to lie to yourself and all those around you.  A gambler will do anything to get that dopamine rush from gambling just to feel 'normal'.

Like I say, I am not defending your Husband at all.  But understanding why he does this may help the negative feelings of hate to fade.

@thebean Thanks for replying. Yes I have felt very sorry for him, and been very understanding - I know with you're saying. I seem to not be in a place where I can think like that anymore though - I'm normally pretty level headed, but now I am enraged! I'm hoping once the divorce is finalised and the house is sold I can leave the rest to CMS and the courts and not be so occupied with it all anymore. That'll take a while so somehow got to deal with this anger until then! I'll try again soon to be level headed lol- thanks again for the reply. 

Hi

It is very sad that you are divorcing your husband.

Your anger indciates that you are unable to heal your pains.

For me my anger indciates that I am not healing my pains.

For me my anger indciates that I am not facling my fears.

For me my anger indciates that I am having high expectations of people situations and life.

What you suffered was very painful he betrayed your trust in him.

Because he is a compulsive gambler he is also liar.

He is a very unhealthy person and he is emotionally vulnerable.

He is unable to be honest with you or with him self.

Now you are the person that needs emotional support recovery and healing.

The recovery program worked for me because I was self about my recovery I did it for my self.

He is unable to love him self so he is unable to love you.

He is unable to respect him self so he is unable to respect you.

Your husband is a very unhealthy person.

Your husband is in a very self destructive mode.

You can help your self heal and become much healthier in your self.

It is your choice to walk away to self protect your self.

But do find healing and peace in your life today, you deserve it.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham

@mrs-m it's totally understandable.  Sounds like you have been put through hell n back.

Like I say, I hope I don't sound like I am trying to defend him.  Feel what you are going to feel, anyone would feel enraged.   I hope you can get to a place of not feeling hate long term as it's  poisonous if held onto too long.

Sure you will feel lighter as things work out

@thebean Not at all, very helpful reply thank you. I'm sure it will - just got to ride the journey first! Thanks. 

Posted by: @mrs-m

Hi

I'm divorcing my husband because he is a compulsive liar who hasn't paid a penny for our child or house bills in months and is a text book gas lighter. He has gambled away and mispent tens of thousands of pounds - looking at 80k+ in reality. I will now lose my home. I'm glad I finally made the decision to leave after trying hard for a long time to support him. But now I really hate him - I've never hated anyone before and it's impacting on me enjoying my life. Has anyone got any words of wisdom/advice/similar experiences? 

Thanks.

I just wanted to reach out to you as someone who recently divorced a gambling addict after 10 years and 2 children. 
like you I paid for everything with no support and he gambled over 100k during our marriage. 
I think you’re perfectly entitled to feel agree about having to live through something you had no control over let alone all the gaslighting which I’m finding lives on beyond separation in my mind. It’s a massive road to recovery for the partner of the addict who is the innocent abused party in a horrific journey. Congratulations on finding the strength to walk away and start a new life. It will get better. As for the anger and hate….I recently discovered that some of that anger was towards myself for tolerating and staying in an impossible situation for far too long. That’s helped me find a bit of peace. I also find running a fantastic outlet for my anger. Sending love xxxxxxx

@bark-in-silence-2 Thank you so much for reaching out. It's such a relief to hear, that although there's things you have to work through, there's hope the other side as other people have done this! I'm trying to get back into running actually, something freeing about it! X

@gadaveuk Thank you!