I really thought he understood how much his gambling upsets me but tonight I have been disappointed ONCE AGAIN to find a betting slip. A slip for not £1, £2, £5, £10 but £100. That's £100 that could go towards our draughty windows, leaking roof, tired kitchen, disgraceful rendering. I'm so tired of being disappointed and having to hide the upset because the only way I've found out was by snooping around. Something he detests and I HATE to do. I'm tired of hoping for an honest, open relationship with someone I can trust rather than being deceived and having the person you love lie to you. I just don't know what to do anymore. I just don't know what to do.
Hi ATM
Your husband is an active gambling addict. Your needs/wants don't matter to him. You are giving him way to much credit if you think you are going to get anything close to an honest relationship while he is gambling. Of course he detests you snooping... this is his dirty secret.
You lose either way. If you continue to ignore what is really going on you will end up with nothing as this doesn't just go away on it's own no matter what a gambler will have you believe. If you admit to snooping he will make you feel like the "b***h who doesn't trust her husband.
IMHO you are looking at this from the wrong angle. What do YOU want for your life and relationship? You deserve some say in how your life plays out. Letting a CG make all the rules is a recipe for disaster. In their mind they have everything under control but that is simply not reality. It never ends well.
Please see if you can get yourself some real life support i.e. a Gam anon meeting. This is so hard to deal with and hard to do alone. Read some of the diaries on both sides of the forum. It is not fun reading the stories but better the devil you know.
Take Care
Cathyx
Hi always, Cathy is right go to a gamanon meeting. That's the best place to get real support and learn how to deal with him. Secure all your finances nothing joint. Don't give him money. Don't shy away from it either, if it's bothering you and there's no money for stuff that needs doing, it's a problem. From experience it only gets worse. Call gamcare and talk to them too. Good luck and keep posting on here for support.
Thanks for your replies. I've known about his gambling for some time and any savings I manage to accrue are in my name (that was from a lesson). It just saddens me because it affects our marriage - I'm holding back because I know his secret. I've tried ultimatums in the past and they don't work. I know you're right, I've been dealing with this on my own too long, out of pride. I suppose it is time to get support for me now regardless of whether he is going to try to get help or , the likely outcome, not. Thank you - I've signed up for the counselling service but it's time to be more active about it x
He may surprise you. Either way you looking after you will never be a bad thing 🙂
Cathyx
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
