Divorcing a CG husband

Hi Peaceseeker and welcome.

Speak to a solicitor asap. Tell them everything about the gambling, bullying and forgeries. As you have plenty of evidence of his wrongdoings I wouldn't at all be surprised if your mother was awarded the house outright. If you are worried about her personal safety after the application for divorce then a solicitor can help with having him removed from the house.

I'm sorry to hear you are going through all this. You should think about getting some counselling yourself as well as your mother.

All the best

Hi,

Sorry to hear it. The advice in a nutshell is to go to GamAnon meetings to get real life support from other people with the same problem, and to pay for a good Solicitor. When dealing with the finance settlement on divorce, conduct isn't normally relevant, for example, his affairs aren't relevant to deciding who gets what share of the house. Gambling is an exception to that because it directly affects what is available to be shared out and your mother will want to say that your father has already had all or most of his share.

There's lot of advice on the forum, educate yourselves about addiction because knowledge is power.

Take care,

CW

Hi peaceseeker,

I am at the very end of divorce proceedings with my recovering CG husband so I felt compelled to reply to you. I was in the very fortunate position that my husband felt very strongly that he wanted me and our girls to be safe and keep the house. My solicitor was very upfront telling me that it when finances are split it is much more 50/50 nowadays. We informed the judge in the financial order about the addiction and outlined the debts, behaviours etc and I was awarded the house and third of his pension. My solicitor warned me that it might not get passed initially but it was granted with no questions asked.

My advise would be to meet a with few solicitors ( they don't usually charge for initial appointment) to see which one your mum gels with and go with her if you can. My dad came with me and it really helped. Write a list of questions too.

I hope this helps and I'll be happy to answer any other questions regarding the process.

Thank you all so much for your replies. It's a pretty dark time. We met with a solicitor last week (mum wanted to sort her will as if something happens to her now then the whole house would be his and I would have nothing). When we return to sign she will have a meeting with a family solicitor to discuss her options.

I'm aware things will get worse before they get better. He won't change and unfortunately I've only ever seen him as an active gambler my whole life. If anything he seems to be getting worse.

I used to be so angry and resentful, im sure the resentment is still there somewhere. Now I'm just keen to get us both out of this toxic situation, and finally live our lives in peace.

[quote=Katiecola

My advise would be to meet a with few solicitors ( they don't usually charge for initial appointment) to see which one your mum gels with and go with her if you can. My dad came with me and it really helped. Write a list of questions too.

I hope this helps and I'll be happy to answer any other questions regarding the process.

This is incredibly helpful, thank you. I hope that my mother also has a positive outcome. Unfortunately my dad doesn't really care about anyone's wellbeing or security. I just spoke to Gamcare and then called LWA. LWA were really supportive and have encouraged my mum to call tomorrow. As they can speak mum's mother tongue it will make things much easier.

i have my list of questions for the solicitor - now to speed up the appointment!

Hello Peaceseeker

Wishing you a very warm welcome to the forum. I was really sorry to hear of your circumstances but glad to see you've had some advice and support from others already.

I can imagine that it continues to be a really tough time for you and your mother. It sounds like you've both seen a solicitor now and that has helped provide you with some information and direction. It may be worth having a look on the Citizens Advice website or giving them a call/making an appointment, if you have any other questions or concerns in the meantime:

https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/relationships/relationship-problems/ending-a-marriage/

03444 111 444

When you click on this link, you'll see at the bottom of the page there's links to other sites which may provide you with further information and guidance, for example family arbitration.

Please remember that we are here to help you and your family if you need further support. As well as the helpline and netline (open every day 8am - midnight), we provide free counselling, which is available both face-to-face and online.

I hope that you can continue to talk here and get support in this way.

Best wishes

Laura

It has taken some time and Mum is keen to get things moving now with the divorce. We will see the solicitor on Friday. In the meantime my Dad has taken out several loans from doorstep ones (I hadn't even heard of them) to payday advances. Also he got a quotation for a remortgage despite knowing my mother will never agree to increase her financial burden. It's not going to be fun when it all comes out in the open.

Any experiences of living with a gambler during divorce proceedings? It would be great if we could kick him out but it appears from what I hear that neither party can be forced to leave the marital unless domestic violence is involved. Is financial fraud not abuse?

Hi Peaceseeker, a CG here, unfortunately I’m not proud to admit i took out loans in my ex partners name, i kept it hidden for a long-time, i have accepted the responsibility and paid back all the payday loans, still working on a loan we took out for a wedding that i spent on gambling instead of the big day and also working on bringing the overdraft down which i again secretly built up. I have left or should I say was asked to leave the home, I had no defence so have left and am still back at my parents till me sort out what we are doing with the house, and I’m sti9ll paying the mortgage.

After a lot of pain and suffering I caused I got plenty back, rightly so, but we have come to agreements over time, when the initial dust settled we wasn’t married but had lived together for 20 years. I hope he mans up and takes the responsibility of what he has done and they can work through the financial stuff.

I’m sure you have been advised to get credit reports, if you haven’t its a must as they is every likely hood that if he is keeping things from you more will come out of the woodwork.

I wish you and your Mum well

KTF

Thank you for your reply. Yes I need to get togther with mum to look at her credit report. Last month it was okay, but I need to check more regularly. Especially as it looks like Dad is wanting more money to gamble again. Also once he knows a divorce is going ahead I'm unsure of how he will react. He's not taken any discussion with Mum seriously. It's good to know you've managed to drag yourself out of your situation.