Does counseling work?

wow... it's been a while!!! At first I chose to stay off for a while because I was furious. No, he still hasn't gambled, but he received letters for outstanding tax for two tax years and for child support, that I thought was sorted. I was furious! It's been months now, so the anger has someone what simmered, but I just felt betrayed. I was so upset. Thankfully I have a group that I go to each week where I can talk these things through. He's paying off his debt and hopefully it should be paid in the next 6 - 8 months. I'm not impressed because it could be money for us, but what can I do? It's happened, it's from the past and he's paying it back. Logically I can see it from both sides.

The good news is that it's 2 years, 11 months and about 11 days. We have come so far, we've booked a holiday for the US, UK and France in September, something to look forward to and build towards. The best thing, all the flights are paid for and our accommodation is mostly free thanks to having friends in great countries. I think now we are getting towards having a 'normalish' life with money, we can pay our mortgage, have our cute little puppy and plan for things like overseas trips, sure our place isn't the best and is very tiny, but it's ours, even with really old carpet that needs replacing!!!

He's still going to his group and me to mine, he's been seeing our counsellor on his own lately, due to the lies (see above for an example). I told him tonight that it will never be o.k. to have lied to me, but there are things that he is working through with the counsellor that he has told me when we were first dating that are lies. I know they are, he just has to come out and tell me. But, he struggles with this so it's hard. I really think that is the BIGGEST thing of all to deal with.

I am proud of him though, he graduated with his degree, walking across the stage in his gown, so amazing. He works hard, volunteers and does a lot with his passions so I am proud of him.

We got the cutest puppy in the world that we just love, it's so nice to have something like that to enjoy! Everyone keeps asking if we are going to have kids. It's hard, I struggle with the idea of finances as well as wondering about things like the 'addiction' gene, not sure if I believe it or not. But then, if we all didn't have kids because of something wrong with us, no one would ever breed! Oh well, putting it in the deal with it another day basket, just looking forward to our holiday.

Not much more to add today. He went to conselling last night, we had been going together, but we decided that he needed to go on his own for him to work through the lies. There are things that he has said that he feels that he needs to work through on his own, and I am more than happy for him to sort this out. As I said before, it's been the hardest thing to deal with. Its weird how from the outside we have a 'normal' life... but I guess, so does everyone else!

Hi fourleafclover,

I have just read through the whole of this thread. I am a CG, have been for 10 years but have only just realised the serioussness of my addiction. The major thing I am struggling with aside from the crippling debts I have built up, is telling my family about what I am and what I have done.

I read this thread to try and get an insight into what it may be like from their point of view. I gave up gambling 6 months ago for nearly 4 months. I confessed everything to my family at the time and they bailed me out. Then nearly 3 months ago, I got made redundant from my job and have spent nearly all that time gambling my substantial redundancy money away. I can't even say I remember most of it - it just seems like a blur.

I am so grateful to you and the insight you have given me as to how it is living with and supporting a recovering CG. When I gave up before, I just expected to be trusted. I expected for my family to take my word for it because at the time I truly believed I would never gamble again. What I never did (and something I will probably regret for the rest of my life) is seek help. Because I was complacent. Didn't think I needed it. If I had come on here then, I'm sure things would be different for me now.

Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you for giving me a better understanding of what it is like to be a friend, family member, partner of a CG. It will now give me a better understanding of how they are/will feel when I tell them of my relapse.

Thanks again and good luck for the future.

wow, lost my mind, you had a lot to read through 🙂 Sometimes I look back at past entries, sometimes they just fill me with too much pain, too many bad memories. It's amazing how the memories seem to 'heal' themselves, but it does take time.

We celebrated 3 years on Monday, three years without gambling... that's over 1000 days (well over). It's a big triumph and amazing how much we have achieved in three years. I've never thought about this before but there's a blessing in having a sign post in life, like it was a kick up the but for both of us with things. I think I've always been someone who does and achieves things, but now I know how quickly things can happen.

Still I care about the little things, what did you spend that $4 on, did you use your card so I can trace where the money was spent, did you get a receipt etc... these little things are important to me, they help me feel less anxious and demonstrate that you are commited to showing me that you understand how I feel and commited to recovery.

oops, should have read that through before posting, lots of spelling mistakes 🙂

I wish that recovering from gambling solved all the problems in your relationship. Just a thought I had tonight, nothing big happened, but a reflection that because he is recovering from gambling, and has been for so long now, we can focus on other things... it just seems that the gambling has taken up so much of our thought processes and energy for so long, now there are other things to look at, that can't just be attributed or blamed to gambling.

Otherwise all is good.

Just read thru a we bit of your diary and i was firstly drawnto your diary because of your name because im a massive glasgow celtic fan and the fourleafclover is the crest on our football strip but im sure you know that haha.

Just want to say now that iv read a bit of your diary i think its brillant how well your husband has done 3years is a great achievement a day at a time. It really is he has done so well to break the cycle and its obviously down in a lot of ways to your suport. Never underestimate the achievement that use haue achieved together and long may it continue for use.

Great 2 hear a success story!!!

Thanks Ronnie1977. It's always nice to hear encouragement. It's 37 months today. My Grandfather just passed away, I was worried that it might trigger something for him, but we have talked through things. We are looking forward to a good easter and our wedding anniversary. Things are also financially looking better for us, with the way things are happening in our family. It doesn't pay back all his bills or make up for the lost ground, but it gives us a hope for a bit more security in the future. It's nothing to do with Grandpa passing though! Just a coincidence in timing.

Did he really stopped? I did not believe anymore that`s possible I cant even afford a bet filter license. .. so im very very tired

things are still the same, each day, one at a time, for both of us. I have been crazy at work lately so I've had to just trust and rely on him so much more and he's given me all of that and more. I'm married to a great man, sometimes that's hard to focus on, he brings different things to the relationship and it's hard to think that he's brining debt to the relationship - that's a big thing for me, regardless of gambling. But, somehow I'm getting throgh it and taking it all as a learning. One day at a time.

Hi fourleafclover,i hope you read this and thats things are improving for you,i understand about how you feel.

your ex is lucky to have someone that wants to help him,tough love is not the answer to a gambler,simply because ,alone,they can get worse,but you and him are seeing the same councilor,that is a good start,.You see i am a gambler myself,and have found it impossible to get the help i need.

i am still searching for councilling in my area,and support,so i can walk out of my door,free from the constrants,of the fear of the gambling.

Maybe you and he wont get back together,maybe you will.

But the councilling will help you both.

Like all addictions,we hurt those closest to us,not delibratly but we do.with help your ex will start the long road to recovery..

Trust??well yes,it can be regained,although again it is a long and hard road ahead too.

the main thing is to make sure you and your ex keep at the support you are getting,walking away as you did,was the right thing to do at the time,Without walking away he would'nt have got the help,maybe he would have even just pretended to.But his hand has been forced now to DO something about it.

I am sorry for the hurt,that gambling has caused you,and i hope from my heart that things get brighter soon

karlrd

Things are still going along 38 mo

nths on, as far as I know no gambling. We've not been able to go to our group as much because of birthdays, activities and the school was closed last week. I really miss my group. I can't wait to go back, it's so important to me and I feel really helps me get things off my chest and calms me for the week ahead. Life us tough but getting there.

Things are still going along 38 mo

nths on, as far as I know no gambling. We've not been able to go to our group as much because of birthdays, activities and the school was closed last week. I really miss my group. I can't wait to go back, it's so important to me and I feel really helps me get things off my chest and calms me for the week ahead. Life us tough but getting there.

Life is good and fine, we are looking forward to our holiday, visiting lots of friends overseas later this year. He's been moody lately had me thinking but, by all accounts he us just tired and exhausted like I am. We moved house last weekend and are both getting over it and still settling into the change.

His job contact ends possibly in a few weeks, I should be worried but I feel ok with where things are at. So exited about our holiday!