My other half confessed to gambling and getting on over 25k of debt and used all his savings ( I say his - we both save to go towards a house deposit- I still have my portion)
He took out credit cards and maxed out snd couldbt afford the minimum monthly repayment. He went to his family who paid off a part of the debt - using what should have been his inheritance from his grandparents who passed a few years ago - which was also to be put towards house deposit.
only then did he tell me.
I feel so angry
I feel lied to and betrayed
I can’t stop crying
He acts like it’s all ok, the cards have mostly been paid off and now he thinks he can continue betting because he learnt his lesson and won’t be so stupid again.
Hi burnt out
paying a gambler’s debt sets them free to gamble again. It takes away responsibility and improves their credit score.
Another problem these days is that if a lender decides to look at spending some don’t like gambling transactions.
in my experience you need to find out if he told the truth to family before they paid the debt. Everyone needs to be open and honest and realise you can’t/ shouldn’t give a gambler money.
Don’t be ashamed this is not your fault, addiction is an illness fuelled by secrets and lies. Denial is common place. Trust me a compulsive gambler always thinks it won’t happen again, I’ll win it back.
credit checks can show what debt there is, how many credit cards. Do yours too.
try and get some help and advice for yourself. Gamcare and Gamanon can help.
Hi
It took me a long time to be honest about my lies and money wasted.
For me the money was just the fuel for my addiction.
It was only by going to meetings that I was abale to abstain from my very unhealthy addiction.
I like many could not stop gambling just by going to meetings.
I found that I needed more than one meeting per week.
In time I handed over all money and finances to my wife.
The simple truth I could not be trusted with money on my person.
The gambling my very unhealthy addiction was a form of escape.
In my life pains and trauma I suffered caused fears in me that I could not understand.
At one time my wife me if she could ask me every day if I had gambled or not.
So each day she wasked me and over time she gave up asking if I had gambled.
After time she knew I was not gambling, less fear less anxiety, more sharing, less guilt and less shame.
Every time I went back to gambling yet again was a lesson for me to learn from.
I got tounderstand what my emotional triggers were.
I do not want or need to gamble today.
You feel so angry I can undrstad that is very painful to be betrayed and lied to.
He is a very emotionally vulnerable person who needs to be encouraged to walk in to the rooms of recovery.
You may get some help in the Gamanon rooms if you go together.
Dave L
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