Don’t know what to think

My husband has an addiction and even though he has given me control of his money. I feel very harassed when he calls me from casinos and asks money. 90 percent of time I don't but the ten percent time I give the money , I feel so guilty. I don't know how to leave but I think I really want to leave before it gets worse. Till now he has no debts but it will soon happen I think 

@LC2024 Sorry to hear about this. I adapted the Russian proverb as a partner of a compulsive gambler: trust but verify. I simply will not take their word for it when it comes to finances, and this will be the case for life and we’ve come to terms with this.

If he said he has no debts, I will need to see the credit report, be given access to all bank accounts etc. Almost all gamblers will downplay the debts especially if still active. People do recover and stay off gambling but it needs commitment and hard work from the gambler. 

@anxiousspouse Since my husband quit gambling he was committed not to do any gambling, not even flip a coin. It’s a disease, an addiction. It’s not something we can feed drip to them and they’ll be fine. Please don’t get manipulated that a small amount of gambling is acceptable, it will never be for a gambling addict. 

@pep1952 The downplay of debts lept out at me. I have been infantilized by an older man who gambles (can't call him a partner as no intimacy or many memories for over 8 years). We were off to buy a campervan and I was thrilled he was coming to look at it with me. I had invested a large sum of money he had given me very wisely that was for our house deposit on a mortgage and wanted to show him. He ducked behind his fist and mumbled 'Might not be able to get a mortgage'. He was like a sheepish four-year-old. Deflated, I pushed him for answers. I had to corner him and winkle out that he had taken a loan. He muttered behind his fist it's £5K. I said 'That's not so bad', but I still saw the same look.. so pushed more. He said and £8K. This went on as I got more and more severe. Eventually, it was £21K. I still do not know if that is true. When I asked what for? He tried to blame me in the most passive-aggressive manner saying 'for your car.. and the holiday'. There was no relief just an insult. It was the only holiday we had in over 5 years, and my car was only £800 to fix. I went cold. He slept on the sofa. In the morning I asked him to leave. 

This has been the pattern for years. I discover something hidden. He leaves. I try to move on. He returns. 

It makes no sense why he would gift me a lot of money from a pension payout. Then, take out all this debt.