Finally had to call it quits

I'm writing for a bit of closure to the end of a long process. I have made the really hard decision to break up with my long term partner of 8 years. Although plenty of happy times, gambling has caused problems for a large part of those years. As you guys will know there's the financial aspect but worse than this is the lies, deceit, the emotional mood swings. We have 2 young children and he became more and more distant just looking for the next gap to go and gamble. He is aware of his problem ( although the amount he blames it fluctuates depending on his mood!) He has tried to stop, gamcare etc. And I have tried to support him so so much, driving him to meetings, offering to control his finances but he wouldn't allow himself to take the help long term.

We have broken up previously for a couple of weeks when I found he'd stolen from me but got back together after the promises to sort things out. However things came to a head again when he got desperate and took out a loan in my name. I did manage to see the application on my credit score and cancel it just in time but I was still so hurt. I had to end it this time as this is affecting my own mental health and for the benefit of our 2 young children. 

I'm so sad because I know behind this addiction is a lovely considerate caring person, but when the addiction takes over he can not control it becomes selfish and does not appear to want to do EVERYTHING to get rid of it. But now I am dealing with my emotions... I feel free, not having to worry about him, second guessing everything, being able to leave money on the side. My mind is clear now because I generally feel I was starting to go a little mad myself and it was affecting how I was in the relationship.

But I also feel guilty. Should I have given up on him?  Did I do enough? Have I broken up the family for my children? I believe I made the right decision and really did try to be empathic but sometimes those feelings do creep in.

And there is also anger, looking at this financial situation I've been left in. All savings gone. I helped pay debts for him I shouldn't have and took on the financial load so much that I now have my own debts to sort out. I accept this is my own doing and choice but it is something to consider for all of you still in a similar situation. Always put yourself and own finances first. 

At the moment we are apart and I am happy. I have no idea what the long term future holds regarding reconciling in the future. Would never say never but it would take an awful lot of years to see a decent longstanding change and I appreciate the nature of this addiction means sometimes relapses occur. I just wanted to say I absolutely feel for everyone. I have stepped with my ex through it all, seen the amazing highs and the horrible lows and guilt/depressions he feels when he's lost. The hope he feels when he thinks he'll never return there just to complete the cycle again. And for the partners/family its so hard to understand, you can become resentful but you're trying to be supportive all at the same time, its so difficult. I just wish everyone the very best in their journey wherever you are. It's an awful addiction to be trapped within but you've got this!

x