Hi thought I would join and give this a go I have a partner who has a gambling addiction and just won't stop when he gambles and loses big I get the blame we have lost thousands in money he does all the money and doesn't care on top of that I have to deal with his depression and anxiety he threatens me with violence as I type he is in bed because he lost again ! I have to deal with it all and its starting to make me hate him he does it over and over I have an argument with him and all he says is I know
Hi crazy cat lady. No one deserves to be threatened. You have to ask yourself why you are willing to put up with that. The best thing is to call gamcare for some advice and find a gamanon meeting. You can't help him or stop him. You have to change you, your reaction. Look after yourself, separate finances. No bailouts. He using fear to control you. Get some support.
Hi Crazycatlady,
Welcome to our forums, I hope that you are able to get some support and encouragement here. I am sorry to read that you are going through such a tough time and I would encourage you to seek further help and advice from an Advisor either through our HelpLine 0808 8020 133 or netline. Please don't feel alone with this, and if you are threatened with violence I would also encourage you to contact http://www.nationaldomesticviolencehelpline.org.uk/ .
Warm regards
Leigh
Forum Admin
he doesnt think he can stop he is in too deep is what he said to me last night he says that i make him do it but i know deep down that noone makes anyone do something they dont want to do its like drink noone makes you drink its down to choice he gambles online and at the bookies when he loses he chases which makes it worse he gets terrible mood swings which i have to deal with all his friends gamble and they dont help because they do it with him or lend him money so they can gamble together they dont like me but i dont care about them just him im the one who aways get the blame he keeps telling me he wants to kill himself and he has nothing to live for its starting to make me depressed hearing it i said please get some help but he refuses and that i dont give him support but i have supported him with this addiction for years and he wont ever listen to me so what the hell can i do?!
Ok, you’ve supported him for years and it’s led you to where you are now. That’s where YOU are now, not where he is.
The three Cs of AlAnon: I didn’t Cause it, I can’t Control it, I can’t Cure it.
As you say, he makes the choice to gamble or to do what it takes to overcome. But you have also made your choices and it’s well to take ownership of them.
You can’t change his gambling patterns but you can learn how to change your responses and you can learn to look after yourself. As MGR says, try regular GamAnon and CoDA meetings, 12 Step meetings are the best place to learn life lessons.
CW
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