Has he really stopped?

Hi Maria the first thing you need to do is stop his access to your bank account, however you have to do it (new account etc) do it! There is no one who can stop him only himself. Living with an active gambler is a nightmare, secrets, lies, mood swings, sometimes depression. The sign of recovery is complete transparency, attending GA. This is a relatively new relationship so he may be reluctant to tell all. Safeguard your money, no bailouts. You know he's gambling because he used your account and did this secretly. What do you want?

Hi Maria93,

Welcome to the forum, and thanks for sharing your story with us. Try not to be nervous as we are all here to support each other. On this platform, you can get a lot of support and ideas on what to avoid doing, and also numerous strategies to apply to enable you to cope better with your partner’s gambling problem.

Your partner has to be seen to be doing something about his gambling problem, and not just to say he wouldn’t gamble again. Have you find out from him how he’d handle and overwhelming urge to gamble? He needs to have knowledge of strategies that he can apply to stop himself from responding to the urge, and Gamcare can advise him on that if he’d contact us. We can even refer him to counselling if that would help him with his recovery, you know?

I echo all what fellow forum member (Merry go round) has suggested to you above, and in addition to that, I’ll advise both of you to try and contact our free phone Helpline on: 0808 8020 133, and speak to one of our advisers for further support. There are a lot of help options available that both of you can explore to benefit you.

Our lines are open from 8.00am to midnight, and 7 days a week.

Please do try and stay in touch so we can continue to support you, and also keep posting!

Regards,

Beatrice

Hi Maria,

I’ve been with my partner 18 months so I’m quite new to this however we live together now so I can tell you some of his tricks when it comes to gambling. My advice to you would be, don’t give him money. He will ask you for it. If he wants to borrow £100 for a new coat, take him shopping and buy one. My partner conned me by saying he needed a coat, needed trainers etc and I let him have money to then find he’d gambled it. I now walk him to the shop if he wants a carton of milk to make sure that’s what he’s buying. I’d have a chat with his mum too about what it’s like to live with him/how best you can help. My other advice is don’t pay his debts for him. Whilst knowing he owes money is scary, it just means he has more money to spend. Checking his phone isn’t that much use. My partner can go six months using betting shops so it doesn’t help me keep track. Also if you’re out together don’t let him leave you. I’ve had a few if you’re going Into H&M I’ll pop to sports direct to them discover he’s in the bookies. Speak to Gamcare and look after yourself too. All my love xx