Hello All,
This is my first post. Im not sure where to start and how much detail to go into, but I see from the forum I am in the right place!
So 10 Years with a Gambling Addict, Aggressive Liar, Thief, and Cheat, I've had his Baby, there has been affairs I kicked him out, we've lived apart, we've got back together, I've felt shame, embarassment and I've cried more tears than I thought humanly possible, as I write human I realised that now for the first time in 10 years I actually feel human, I am a person again!
That's the bit I'd like to explore with you all, the coming off the co-dependancy, I spend the best part of a year with very little contact with him, it was like I was coming off an addiction myself, I had no idea how much control he had over me, stolkholm syndrome! i was actually having physical withdrawl, being sick and waking in night terrors, I felt the emotions as physical pain sometimes! HE WAS CRUEL! he actually tortured me, he knew exactly where to hurt me and how to twist the knife! this is where it gets intresting to me, because when you stop contact "the fog" clears and you can see the whole picture, this is where i realised even more lies and the utter emotional manipulation that has been going on.
So ive gone through the motions,
Devastation, begging him to stay, broken hearted, shame, humiliation, ANGER, RAGE and FURY! -I felt so sorry for myself!
Now im in recovery (sometimes I catch myself smiling!) and sorting my life out and having personal counselling has really helped I've discovered I choose these relationships, last boyfriend was a alcoholic and before that a drug addict, domestic abuse had featured a lot in my past and I seem to repeat the patterns, I'm currently completing the Freedom Programe which is aimed at women who have been in domestic abuse relationships and helps break the mould giving you insight into the chaos which we (or let me own that), I seem to crave!
I'd like to thank MaggieMay, who's posts ive been reading and i identify with the most, ( hi im your new stalker! ) and everyone who has the courage and honesty to come on here and share their very personal pain and journeys, you all have helped me find the strength and determination to continue with my own life, and focus on ME!
Give up hope for a better past, and plan for a more secure loving gentle future.
THANK YOU!
Thankyou for that honest account of living with an addict. It is a post that should be held up as a mirror to all the back slappers over the other side of the fence, trying to convince themselves what lovely human beings they are. This post shows the damage & carnage we as compulsive gamblers inflict on others, and rather than brushing are many misdemeanors under the carpet, we are, if serious, obligated to give recovery its proper respect.
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Dear Lucky Escape
Thank you so much for posting your story. This was a very brave thing to do. You and your daughter have been through so much. I urge you to make sure you and your daughter are safe. This might include thinking about whether you want to post your photo on your profile here. This is a public forum so you don't know who might be reading this.
I am sure your story will help many others who might recognise some of what they are going through, and seek help. I hope you too are able to get support from the amazing community here.
Take care,
Forum Admin.
Thank you Gamcare Admin,
I've edited any identifying bits out of my share, sorry it's not so much of an experience for others to read now but I think its a sensible option.
How are you getting on?
CW
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