Hi. I'm desperate for help. My boyfriend is a gambling addict. If been going on for years and he's in thousands of pounds worth of debt. We have a one year old together and didn't really know just how serious his problem was until our daughter was born and realised rent and bills wasn't being paid. we moved into his mums in a tiny bedroom and I stupidly took out a payday loan to pay the rent we owed and he promised to give it me back to pay for it. Guess what? I never got it. We ended up splitting up and got back together after he promised to quit gambling. Right now it's worse than ever. He's stealing from me. Not paying anything towards our house. He's even using money that the lads have paid into his account for a day out and borrowing money from his wage to put it back (£500) he is blowing £1800 in a day on virtual games and leaving me with money problems. Regularly spends his wage in a day. it's horrible. The easiest thing to do that is tell him to leave but I want to help him. He just doesn't seem to want to. He says he will have his wage paid into my account but he has said this before kept it going into his and jus transferred me some. He's so angry all the time and lashes out at th vs lightest thing! Is there anything you can suggest or do I ask him to leave? I can't do this much longer!
You need to be supportive towards him maybe getting everything written down in a letter for him will let you get your point across, threatening to leave him will only make things worse have some sympathy for him it's not an easy thing to give up after all gambling is everywhere more than alcohol and drugs. I sold all my electricals to help quit the habit and get some money to pay off my debt
Until he's ready to change you are banging your head against a brick wall, but that doesnt mean theres nothing you can do. Research gam anon and other counselling for yourself, you havent done anything worng, theres nothing wrong with you, but your are dealing with an addict, so your normal reactions wont have the impact they should. Living with a compulsive gambler is more than most people can cope with on their own, get some help for yourself because you deserve some help, deal with him later, what he's doing is not your fault or your responsibility, but your baby is, so get yourself financially and emotionally safe.
and keep talking...
Whenever I try to talk about things like how his behaviour makes me feel he stresses at me and tells me he shouts and screams at me because I nag at him. We had a talk last week and by the weekend he had stolen some money and. I have no idea what he's done with it. I just want him to be honest with me. It just concerns me that h has access to Internet at work and he's a brilliant liar! I just want to help him but am I wasting my time until he wants to help himself? It's the lies that I can't deal with.
Lisa
Your partner needs help.But as already posted he needs to want to stop in the first place.
Through gambling and other things in my 16 year relationship I lost out on my 6 year old son and ex partner.
I now live alone full of regret on being a selfish fool.
Luckily my ex lets me see my son virtually any time I wish.
But at the moment I can't even contribute much financially because of my gambling addiction.
Yes I've relapsed a few times recently but if it wasn't for my ex partner, mother and members on here I would be in a worse place now.
I hope your partner does make a attempt to stop because it sounds like you deserve that and so much more.
Having a family to support you as a recovering gambler is so much better than doing it alone.
The lies are what really get to us all, money's money, time gets all that sorted, but the lies are the impossible bit, i agree totally.
your time's not wasted if you are looking after yourself and changing the things you can change so you are stronger and prepared for what he does, that way when he does ask for help, you will be able to do the tough love that works. do your research, come to a gam anon meeting if you can, you're not alone.
Leave him
Well it's an option fatuesque.
there are other options too, how you getting on?
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