Hello, advice will be very much appreciated........my brother has had a gambling addiction for around 4 years now. we have no other family except my own (hubby & kids) my bro's gambling has lost his daughter, girlfriend, about to lose his home (again after 4 times!) He now phoned me tonight in a absolute state in tears because now he gambled away his money for food, prepaid electricity and gas etc after waiting to get paid again for 2 weeks without no electric ,no hot water, no clean laundry, no food. He is currently living like a squatter! I over the years i had paid deposits and rent arrears on all his accommodation, I've lent him money for food , electric etc, he has stolen from me and hubby....even stole of my kiddies savings which was hidden!
But now irs causing a massive strain on my marriage as now my hubby has ran out of patience after sacrificing alot to support him over the years and said enough is enough as are our kids is missing out which is not fair!
I feel so guilty the thought of him soo upset , living is such bad conditions and hungry is heartbraking for me! im in a situation were I have to choose between my marriage or help my brother. If I don't help him he has no one to turn to plus I dont want him to turn his back on me as he is the only family member I have left and had since we was 13+ 14 years old.
And of course I don't want to lose my marriage
It will continue to be impossible to deal with until he wants to change.
Your marriage, your children must come first,
Come to a gam anon meeting if you can, or ask for some counselling, theres nothing wrong with you you're being a perfectly normal loving sister, but your brother is a compulsive gambler, so he makes your relationship dysfunctional, its not your fault, you dont deserve this, but you can do anything about it either, so the only way to stop the cycle of him creating crises and you rescuing him is for you to stop rescuing him. Which is hard. Tough love is hard to do, but sometimes its necessary, gam anon and / or counselling can help you feel better while you do it and help you refocus on what makes you happy in life, you deserve to be happy and your children and husband want you to be happy.
You havent done anything wrong, but equally you havent done anything thats worked, so stop beating your head against a brick wall and breathe. listen to some advice, read some of the stories here, get your own story off your chest a few more times, do some research into comulsive gambling and then come back to the decisions. There is a gentle way of protecting yourself and your family and still being open and warm to him. It all needs a rethink. give yourself some time to do that.
Dont let your life be run by a compulsive gambler.
Yes i was going to suggest some tesco vounchers or a food parcel. Your brother will probably be furious with anything that isnt money, expect to get it thrown back in your face, but thats what the addiction does to them, it doesnt mean your doing it wrong.
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