to haHi
I first found out my husband was gambling 10 years ago. He came clean and I was shocked by how much he had lost. He joined GA and didn't gamble for 8 years. In this time we got engaged, got married and have two amazing boys.
At the end of my pregnancy in October I found out through snooping he was gambling again. I confronted him and he admitted that because of our financial worries he went back to it. He sought cancelling and went back to GA and seemed to have stopped. We then welcomed our second son and I suffered a bit of post natal and we were sleep deprived with our financial probs and he gambled again. Blaming most of it on me. At this point he asked me to take over all the finances. Something he hadn't asked me to do before. So I did. He asked me to stop going on about money. I did.
Two weeks ago he went out on a drinking binge when he should have been at work. I came Home with our two sons and he was Ina right state. I packed our stuff and took the boys away for a few days in which time he went into self destruct. I came Home and it turns out he had been charging his gambling to his phone which coincided with the direct debit failing so I didn't notice. He's back in GA now. He swears that if he hadn't stopped going he'd have been fine. He once is to work and he wants to stop because he doesn't like who he is. I know he's stopped before but are we just kidding ourselves?
Hi
Sorry to see this. First things to say is it's not your fault. How can it be when he's the one who places the bets? A CG though will blame anything and anyone in the quest for an excuse to justify gambling. Don't accept responsibility. It's his.
Next thing is as he's offering financial control grab it with both hands. Tie it up so you know he can't access anything. Insist on immediate and ongoing access to his credit reports (all three agencies) too. You need to know if there's debt he's hiding or secret bank accounts for channelling gambling funds behind your back.
Can he ditch the smartphone for a brick with no internet access? He needs to do whatever it takes to limit his access to gambling.
Attending GA is a very good move. Statistically it has the highest ongoing abstention rates of any method. It's also encouraging that he's stopped for a good number of years before (less encouraging that he's been found out rather than coming clean this time round though). He knows what he needs to do and if he means what he says he will crack on with it. Your priority must be looking after you and the kids. Don't trust a word he says without seeing proof for yourself and put your own interests first.
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
