My boyfriend has been gambling on and off for a year. He said the main reason is losing his job during the pandemic and not having a stable income. We had had tons of conversation about this before and finally agreed on a plan.
He is early in recovery (Day 3). We installed Gamban on all of his devices, I'm having access to his bank account so I can check ins and outs everyday.Â
What I'm still not sure about is how often we should discuss (about the urges, the cravings, his feeling and progress etc.) I tried to do daily reflection with him and thought it might have triggered some relapses? (not to gaslight myself but I clearly dont want to make he think about gambling even more). He explicitly told me once that talking about it with me daily makes him uncomfortable and less of a man. At the same time, I dont want to just ignore it and pretend like nothing happened altogether.Â
I have to repeat this to myself time and time again: I dont want to hurt him but I have to remember I am deeply hurt myself as well
Though I know there's not a one size fits all approach, I just wanna hear from everyone's experience about how often we should discuss/reflect on recovery progress. What's your take on this?
Hi
To be fair if you keep talking /asking about it it could seem more annoying to him rather than concerning,Â
As long as you have access to all accounts you will know if he is gambling
But there is other ways now such as sites that accept crypto currency, just make sure all avenues are blocked
If there's a will, there's a wayÂ
I have just joined here tonight btw, after 15 year heavy gambling,Â
Happy to help out where I can
And a don't mean that in a bad way. Just saying from experience when I was being questioned on it you didn't want to hear it,Â
Some Guys don't want to ask for help or talk about there problems, am in that group
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I guess it depends on how well he is doing with regards to needing to talk about his recovery with u
Has he signed up for gamstop also ?Â
i know exactly where he is coming from as I’ve been there however if he wants to be with you and be on this journey of recovery with you then he also needs to understand you need help and support and the reassurance also , you speaking to him daily shouldn’t be seen as pestering it’s the daily reminder that we all need and how we move forward one day at a timeÂ
@dochertydoc1 I think he's that type as well. He never talks about his problems with anyone and only does when things get out of hand and he cant hide anymore, that's why it's scary for me. I'm also new here and still trying to figure out this recovery journey
@adam123 he can seem very fine (faking) until he cant hide his emotions and the loss anymore
@dal83 Im not in the UK actually and the only thing that works for us as restriction now is GamBam. I think it's not that he's annoyed, but more that it made him think about gambling while he's trying to avoid that thought. When he told me it made him uncomfortable he was pretty understanding of the fact that I had been hurt and trust had been broken though. That's why I want to find a common ground for us.Â
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