I feel like divorce is my only option

Hi x a big hug from me to you x gambling takes you the depths of despair x I suggest you read long and hard on here from the other contributors with their stories x only you can make the decision whether seperation/divorce is the answer for you and your family. I will add that that once your partner has got to the point of taking loans out to fund his gambling, he is in way over his head and is in a very serious position financially going forward. I have lost 44 years of savings to this s..t and I dont intend to give anymore x I should be retired now (I am 61) but I have blown it all on roulette. I will have to work till I am 70, to have a chance of beating poverty. For you, your child needs stability, its hard enough these days growing up in this face paced world without a child's mind having to deal with parental in-fighting and lack of support while a parent deals with his issues, think of the child and make the correct decision for his happiness.

Hi panda star have you got any help for yourself? Have you called gamcare for counselling? Found a gamanon meeting? My husband gambled loans in secret, he's suffered depression for the last 25 years. The first place he went was the gp, he advised him to take meds and go to GA. He did return to gambling which definitely made his mental state worse. I went to gamanon, took over all finances. Get some help, honestly you need support.

Hi Panda Star

i discovered my husband of 30 years gambling addiction only 2 months ago - it was a lightbulb moment for me as I now understand the roller coaster of financial disasters we’ve had throughout our entire married life together. I joined this forum the day I found out and armed myself with as much information as I could get and having digested everything I’ve decided to divorce him. I know I’ve a tough time ahead but I feel liberated. After the initial shock of discovering his addiction (he didn’t disclose it to me) I felt relief for finally understanding the truth of what had been going on. I’ve looked back over the 30 years and understand the devastation to our finances that have been due to gambling and am now 100% focused on ME and what will give me financial security from now on. It’s taken a lot of courage to do this but I’ve surrounded myself with supportive friends and am starting my own counselling. I listened to my inner voice and it’s all lead to me wanting a divorce. Make the right decision for you and you alone - I wish you strength and courage to do what’s best for you.

Thank you everyone!

Right now I am in dispair, my life as I knew it has been totally ripped apart, our son isn’t even one and I’m so angry that he can put his own needs before ours, how can I provide and give our son the life he needs when he is so dead set on distorting it.

I love him and that’s why I’ve stuck around, it’s been an endless battle for years and I hate the thought of failing my family and having a failed marriage, it’s not what I signed up for. He has done counselling and ga in the past but nothing seems to have helped as I honestly don’t think he truly wants it. Right now our home is at risk, the roof over our head...how could it have got so bad. I am so scared of failing that I feel I put my own happiness after everyone else, I have an amazing family and friends but I’m too ashamed to tell them what’s happening. I know they will tell me to leave but I’m worried if I go things will get worse, that my husband will end up doing something stupid that will have an ever lasting effect on my son and I, I just don’t know which way to turn and feel completely and utterly helpless

Hi panda star you need to get help and support for yourself. Seriously you are letting him control the outcome. You have to stop feeling helpless and start changing. You can only do this when you know how. Get counselling find a meeting.

Hi panda star,
I just wanted to say that you are not alone. I have had a huge journey with my husband being a gambler and just terrible with money in general. We have only been married 18 months and each time he has a slip I feel like he is going to get a grip of everything afterwards but each time it just breaks my heart when we go back to square one and I find he has lied and broken the trust yet again. I also feel torn as I love him so much yet I feel I can't carry on like this and deserve more at the same time.
I feel exactly the same as you regarding having a supportive family and I would feel ashamed to tell them what is going on and and also like I'd let them down if we were to call it a day.
I think the best thing you can do is take everything else out of the picture and focus on your own and your son's needs. Without anyone else's input or opinions what is best for the both of you? I don't think staying with him to avoid him doing anything stupid is going to make you happy in the long run...I guess you have to follow your instinct. I know it is so difficult as it feels like a lose-lose situation doesn't it 🙁 but know that you are not alone and things will get better xxx
I also found gambling counselling really helpful for me and I also went to gamblers anon group sessions which both my husband and I found very good. I want to arrange relationship counselling as well to see if that will help things. I'm not sure if you have tried these options but perhaps you will feel more able to make a clear cut decision once you have exhausted all the options?
I think once I have tried relationship counselling and if things don't improve at least I will know I have done everything in my power to help the situation.
Good luck xxx

So sad its scary what effect gambling can have on people both the people who gamble and the surrounding love ones.

I really hope you sort it out and he becomes gamble free for life. If he's***t absolute rock bottom and he realises what he's got in life is enough and he loves you like he says then he can turn this around. If not then you and your child are better without him. He's been selfish for years, you doing this is nowhere near as selfish.

Gamblers can get help and that's great but ultimately the choices land on the individual

Thank you so much for all your supportive messages and kind words. I’ve taken a few days to sit and think, we’ve had talks and arguments and I altho I do feel a glimmer of hope I also feel inside that I can’t trust him again, I don’t think I can take the chance for it to all come crashing down again. I’ve heard the promises before and I guess I know that deep down I don’t think it will ever change, I just need to find the strength and courage to leave and also find a way to leave so that my son is safe and provided for. Our financial situation is horrendous and I’m still on maternity pay so fending for myself with my son won’t be easy by far. For too long I’ve put my husbands needs before mine and my sons and now I feel it’s gone too far I need to wake up and I’m some ways let go. I adore my husband but not the man that he has become, I’ll take a few more days to work out what I’m going to do next but I can’t thank you all enough for making me see and feel that I am not alone

Hi Panda just to say I am pretty much going through the same thing( just posted) Am also on mat leave to. Your not alone x

Well done on posting here Panda_star, you need help and support to get through this. Your instinct is telling you to leave for a reason as up until now he has shown he simply cannot be trusted. I am also a compulsive gambler and my partner may never fully trust me again, but thats down to my behaviour. Any gambler could go to GP, a councellor and GA meetings but unless they really want to stop gambling they are wasting their time.

WHat I am trying to say is his recovery is soley down to him, nothing you can say or do can make him do it. Correclty you see that you need to protect yourself and your son, divorce may be tough but imagine raising your son while living with a compulsive gambler. Talk to people, friends, family anyone who may help instead of having this huge burden weighing you down. I am sorry you are going through this but your do deserve better and although it may be hard for a while things will improve.

Hello Panda _star welcome to the forum It sounds very difficult for you at this time and great to see you have the courage to reach out for some support for yourself. It may help you to talk things through with a gamcare adviser. Advisers will listen to your concerns and will do there best to support you at this difficult time.

The Free phone helpline number is 0808 8020 133 and you can also contact an adviser on Netline https://www.gamcare.org.uk/frontline-services/netline Gamcare helpline is open 8am -midnight every day.

Keep posting we are here to support you

Kind Regards

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