I feel so down

Hello,

I am glad you felt safe to share in this space what you are going through. I hope you get useful feedback and support from other members. I comes across how overwhelmed you are and it must be very hard to deal with your own feelings while having to look after your children. You lost your trust in your partner and that makes it very difficult to be in a relationship with him as it brings many negative feelings.

There is a lot of support available and you don't have to go through this on your own. I would encourage you to get in touch with an advisor and explore your options. You deserve to be happy and it might be possible to find a balance in your relationship if you get support. Or it might help to share this with a professional who will listen and reflect back your thoughts so you gain clarity.

Best wishes

Forum Admin

Forum admin wrote:

Hello,

I am glad you felt safe to share in this space what you are going through. I hope you get useful feedback and support from other members. I comes across how overwhelmed you are and it must be very hard to deal with your own feelings while having to look after your children. You lost your trust in your partner and that makes it very difficult to be in a relationship with him as it brings many negative feelings.

There is a lot of support available and you don't have to go through this on your own. I would encourage you to get in touch with an advisor and explore your options. You deserve to be happy and it might be possible to find a balance in your relationship if you get support. Or it might help to share this with a professional who will listen and reflect back your thoughts so you gain clarity.

Best wishes

Forum Admin

Thanks admin.

I am awaiting my counselling at Aquarius next Monday. I'm hoping this will help. The only way I can describe how I feel is that I'm in complete turmoil and feel like there is no resolution where there can be a positive outcome. I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't. Can't win!

Dear S&L80

How are you? It sounds like there is a lot going on, it sounds very overwhelming. Hopefully the counselling will really help you, so hang in there. you have been through a lot but accessing the counselling is a really important step in the right direction. Hopefully it will help make everything start to seem clearer, and that will make things easier to deal and cope with. Have you tried the chat room here? Take care of yourself!

How are you?

CW

Hi S&L, I am in the same position, and I could have written your post nearly word for word! I am resenting my husband's every move by the second. I can't bear him anywhere near me, I too have made the first steps in talking about it with family, and I'm off for first counselling session on Thursday. I am desperate for him to move out, and let us get on with our life, but have not dared mention how I feel as he would blow his nut ! It is so hard, can't seem to get past an hour or so today without crying! I feel so traumatised by it all, don't know what to do first ! He is supposed to love me and support me yet I feel I have been living alone and I suppose frightened of him for years. I have spent most of the weekend crying, but also have spoken with women's aid and the helpline here for some advice. It's just nice knowing I am not alone. I can't wait to be on my own with my son and to start rebuilding our lives, wherever that may be. For the first time in 15+ years I have my own money and am trying to put myself first. Try and make time for yourself however small, we all deserve it for our own sanity. I have read numerous books on emotional and verbal abuse over the last few months and Its slowly sinking in what's been happening to me. I know it's not my fault, and I cannot cure his gambling addiction, but it's still incredibly hard putting on the brave and loveable face for the time being to him and family and friends. Keep talking about it, please give women's aid a call, they are not just there for battered wives. Wishing you all the best for a better future for you and your children x

Hello all,

KitKat....we seem to be kindred spirits you and I....as horrible and hard as our situation may be we clearly are not alone and it is comforting to know that, in a strange way, as I wouldn't wish my life on anyone else.

So, today we met with child services. I was dreading this so much I was sick a number of times. But, he admitted it all to them. That the problem was his, that he has been a terrible husband to me, taken his gambling out on me and subjected me to verbal and emotional abuse without realising the extent of the toll it had taken on me. He told them he had been a gambler for the past 20yrs and described how it has lurched from one failure in his life to the next. He said that all the problems in his life had been because of his gambling and it has taken the action from me that I took for him to be ashamed enough for him to change. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm happy he admitted to them but the cynical part of me is wondering if he has done so just to get them off our backs and he is paying lip service as he always does so that once they have gone away, he can resume and revert back to his old self now the spotlight isn't so much on him any longer. His behaviour last week was a joke and synonymous with what he has stood for to me for a long while now....my lack of faith, belief and trust in him pretty much expected it. I'm just wondering how long it will take for it all to become the norm again and I am back to square one with it all? Whilst they are on the case, I have some protection to some degree and although I couldn't talk as freely or openly as I'd have liked, I got my point across that I couldn't and wouldn't have stuck it any longer the way things were. They need to speak to the children, of course. The one thing I'm glad to say is that I don't think it has affected them too much as there has been no school involvement, no concerns raised at any point, all learning well and to their or above their targets and seem happy and settled. My eldest is different as she understands and hears more, plus her autism makes it difficult for her to pick apart the feelings and behaviours of the adults in her life that are constantly at each others throats. Kids don't sugar coat things so we will see what happens and deal with the next steps as we face them.

Regardless, I will start my counselling next week and rebuild myself piece by piece until I resemble something close to whole again. Maybe then I will have the strength to make a decision and stick to it! I feel like a contradiction as I want to believe in his changes and him but I don't think I do or have the strength to any more. I guess only time will tell. At the moment I feel physically and mentally drained from the whole experience. It has only been just over 3 weeks since it all happened but it feels like longer!

All I've ever wanted is a normal life. A family, loving husband, nice home and to be happy. It keeps eluding me. Maybe one day?........

Hi Sad and Lonely

Its good to hear that your husband has finally been honest enough with child services to admit to his gambling, I know today must of been incredibly hard.

I hope that he genuinely wants recovery however it would be wise to be very cautious, cg's are incredibly good manipulators and it could all be lip service and dont let your guard down with him.

Go to your counselling and get as as much support as you possibly can, you still need it wether hes in recovery or not.

I know how drained you feel, this an awful way to live and this is why its so very important that you look after yourself, I wish I had a long time ago.

When my son left 10 weeks ago I thought Id never get over it, and it felt like Id gone from one bad situation to the next but now that some time has passed I can say Im doing ok. Its not the life I wanted, with us all together, a happy family, but its peaceful, quiet and I wouldnt give this up for anyone or anything.

This is your life you decide what is right for you