So after living with a CG for many years and being in a relationship with him for 15 I have finally realised it isn't going to change.
Over the years I have given chance after chance. I have helped out financially but saw the light and put a stop to this several years ago. I have tried to support him but I don't think he wants help. He continues to lie and it's very hit and miss as to whether he will contribute anything to the household. He makes up excuses like he hasn't been paid etc etc. As much as I love him I can't do this anymore. I have to think of myself and my 2 sons. At the moment o think the hardest part is not knowing what in the 15 years we were together was the truth. Is it the gambling that has made him into a liar or has he always been that. It's such a mess
If my other half was to write something on this forum, I guess it would be pretty much what you’ve written.
Gambling has and is taken me through hell and back. It’s evil, it’s relentless and it’s unapologetic.Soooo many relapses.
But looking back... how genuinely determined was I to give up on each occasion? If I’m perfectly honest, not many. Not many at all.
To a non GA that sounds incredibly selfish, as it involved lies and deceit on an industrial scale. But where I am today, I feel the copious amounts of fails I endured were required for me to understand, bit by bit, what is going on inside my head. Always 9 steps forward, 8 steps back, over time.
When trying to abstain I discovered that, actually, I was, more often than not, merely kidding myself. On some level I sort of knew I would be back just as soon as the next opportunity presented itself but just wasn’t honest with myself about this. I know that because of how I feel today. Completely different.
Now, although I know that I will probably always gets ‘urges’, I truly WANT never to gamble again. Beforehand, I was setting future dates to abstain unto, like in 3 months time or Christmas. This I can now see is completely and utterly flawed, as what that says is that I want to gamble again and that I will. To a non gambler that might even seem like not too a bad thing. Like a reward for keeping off it for x amount of time. But unfortunately it doesn’t work like that for a true GA, once that first pound is spent back gambling, Pandora’s box has been ripped back open and its only a matter of time before the cycle starts all over again.
He absolutely must want to give up. I cannot even begin to tell you how difficult that is but it is imperative and without that, there is absolutely no chance he will stop.
Best of luck
Hi Lou you've posted on her a few times and things seem the same. My advice would be to concentrate on you. What have you done in the way of help for you? Have you had counselling? Been to a gamanon meeting? I realised that nothing would change unless I did. The past has gone, you can't keep worrying about what's gone, you can't change it. Today is the only day to deal with. A gambler will continue if they can, lying, stealing and denying. So what they've said or done or promised is unimportant because it isn't real life. You've got to start being selfish, hard, straight talking, honest. Stop waiting for him to change, you change. It's tough and I felt 'why should I?' But it's the way forward. Get some help, real help from gamcare or gamanon.
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