Hello,
I have very recently found out that my partner of 20 years has a compulsive gambling addiction and has racked up 30k debt on credit cards - mostly through online raffle/competition sites.
He seems serious about wanting to stop and get help. He’s signed up to DMP through Step Change, has come off Facebook (where he’s doing most of raffles), has first counselling session with break even on Monday and first GA meeting this evening.
Partner wants to hand over finances to me (he says he absolutely can’t be trusted with money).
I’d be very grateful for any advice on best way of going about this. Should we start a joint account just with his income? That I get notified of transactions. I’ve seen Monzo recommended for this.
Or wondering if his salary should be transferred into my account and I give him an allowance?
Would be really helpful to hear what’s worked well for others.
Many thanks
Hi Annanon
im just going to reply on this subject but answer both points. Look at tenants in common regarding the mortgage. I went to a solicitor, it changes the land registry so that your half of house is protected.
takeover finances if he’s willing. I the bank app but he doesn’t know login. Initially we worked on cash and receipts. Don’t give money he doesn’t need.
credit checks and notifications are the best way. I’ve never had a joint bank account. Do what works best for you.
Need to have a meeting with close family and sort out control of financial side with me it was radical no cash debit card only with triple verification some banks do this but need to shop around
The main thing is to be fully honest and totally switched on then be patient and helpful but not foolish you will get there
cheers
Thank you both for your responses. I will look into tenants in common and speak to solicitor.
And I’ll have a look into 2/3 step verification.
I’m a bit overwhelmed with sorting all of this.
Thanks!
Hi Annanon,
I'm sorry to hear that you have discovered your partner is currently struggling with gambling related harms.
Unfortunately, I can't provide advice on the specifics of what would work best as this is a decision that needs careful consideration and a variety of options explored. However, it is a great step forward for your partner to be willing to have yourself or someone else manage his finances and also speaking with Step Change.
I've noticed you have stated that you are overwhelmed and this is completely natural for an affected other and this can be rather difficult to process at first.
There is help and support available at www.gamanon.org.uk which you may feel useful.
We also have specific themed chatrooms for affected others that you may want to check out. They run on Tuesday's at 12pm and Thursday's at 7pm.
Be kind to yourself and please let me know if you need anything further.
Thanks
Peer Supporter Cabe
Hi Annanon
It’s a good sign that he is letting you take over finances. I am the wife of a compulsive gambler. What worked for me is having access to his credit report (creditkarma is good) so i can see if there are any secret loans or credit searches which could mean he is looking for a loan. He also switched to Monzo and has the gambling block on. I have the monzo app on a second phone so i get notification for each transaction he makes (to install the app on two phones, one should be android and the other one iphone/different make). He closed all his credit cards. No cash allowed which wasn’t really an issue because most places accept cards. I also learned from this forum to be vigilant with unusually big ‘legitimate’ transactions. For example, 50£ for work lunch is unusually pricey. He could be paying for colleagues and asking for their cash. I never noticed this but just one to look out for. I think initially, it would be reassuring to have receipts for everything.
You’ve asked about finances so that’s what I focused on but obviously his recovery will not be up to you. He needs to lead on it and you can only support. GA was a massive help for my husband and still is.
I wish you all the best and as i said it seems like he’s recognised the illness. Handing over finances to you is a really good indicator that he’s ready to start recovery.
Just wanted to highlight of course that he needs to give you consent to get access to his credit report/bank acct etc which seems to be the case already
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
