Hello,
I have very recently found out that my partner of 20 years has a compulsive gambling addiction and has racked up 30k debt on credit cards - mostly through online raffle/competition sites.
He seems serious about wanting to stop and get help. He’s signed up to DMP through Step Change, has come off Facebook (where he’s doing most of raffles), has first counselling session with break even on Monday and first GA meeting this evening.
Partner wants to hand over finances to me (he says he absolutely can’t be trusted with money).
I’d be very grateful for any advice on best way of going about this. Should we start a joint account just with his income? That I get notified of transactions. I’ve seen Monzo recommended for this.
Or wondering if his salary should be transferred into my account and I give him an allowance?
Would be really helpful to hear what’s worked well for others.
Many thanks
Hi Annanon
im just going to reply on this subject but answer both points. Look at tenants in common regarding the mortgage. I went to a solicitor, it changes the land registry so that your half of house is protected.
takeover finances if he’s willing. I the bank app but he doesn’t know login. Initially we worked on cash and receipts. Don’t give money he doesn’t need.
credit checks and notifications are the best way. I’ve never had a joint bank account. Do what works best for you.
Need to have a meeting with close family and sort out control of financial side with me it was radical no cash debit card only with triple verification some banks do this but need to shop around
The main thing is to be fully honest and totally switched on then be patient and helpful but not foolish you will get there
cheers
Thank you both for your responses. I will look into tenants in common and speak to solicitor.
And I’ll have a look into 2/3 step verification.
I’m a bit overwhelmed with sorting all of this.
Thanks!
Hi Annanon,
I'm sorry to hear that you have discovered your partner is currently struggling with gambling related harms.
Unfortunately, I can't provide advice on the specifics of what would work best as this is a decision that needs careful consideration and a variety of options explored. However, it is a great step forward for your partner to be willing to have yourself or someone else manage his finances and also speaking with Step Change.
I've noticed you have stated that you are overwhelmed and this is completely natural for an affected other and this can be rather difficult to process at first.
There is help and support available at www.gamanon.org.uk which you may feel useful.
We also have specific themed chatrooms for affected others that you may want to check out. They run on Tuesday's at 12pm and Thursday's at 7pm.
Be kind to yourself and please let me know if you need anything further.
Thanks
Peer Supporter Cabe
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