Lost.

Lethe wrote:

The self pity can be epic and if they can blame anyone or anything else they will. If it's your fault it can't be his but that's all part of the manipulation that goes hand in hand with active addiction. It's not in your interests to be too understanding. That way lies compromise and with that the risk of getting taken for a ride all over again. If he wants to give up he will get all the understanding he needs from GA meetings where they 'get it' in a way we never will.

As Cathy says, decide what you want and stick to it. He can make the choice to do all it takes to arrest this but that's out of your control. What is in your control is what you decide you need to feel secure.

I've stated to him very simply and clearly what I need and that there's no compromise.

It helps to talk people who understand and do not judge. I've not had that for 4 years. It became my secret and a huge burden. I feel this is lessened through talking on here.

ODAAT wrote:

Hi Momof2kids, sorry to hear you too are in this position but GamAnon is a support group for you loved ones (GA is for us), and I've never heard any complaints about it. All the services on here are also available to yourselves including counselling through the helpline. Living with us addicts is often hell on earth so don't be afraid to set yourself up with a thread & call them as much as you need to.

You need support to look after you - ODAAT

I can vouch for the benefits of opening up and having an outlet. It's given me lots of strength which has hasn't always been the case.

My husband was the same way when we met, spending all his earnings but denying he had a problem.

Having children makes it so much harder because it is an additional expense which adds stress because you want your kids to have the best. It is also hard because do you want to break up a family?

My husband promised to quit when we got married....13 years ago! I am still dealing with it.

He constantly breaks my heart and now we have 2 children.

My advice think long and hard before involving children.

I have done the whole take his card, regulate the money and it turns nasty.

If he can get help make him go. Where we live there are no options

My husband was the same way when we met, spending all his earnings but denying he had a problem.

Having children makes it so much harder because it is an additional expense which adds stress because you want your kids to have the best. It is also hard because do you want to break up a family?

My husband promised to quit when we got married....13 years ago! I am still dealing with it.

He constantly breaks my heart and now we have 2 children.

My advice think long and hard before involving children.

I have done the whole take his card, regulate the money and it turns nasty.

If he can get help make him go. Where we live there are no options

He has found a local meeting and promised to go, I can't force him through the door and even if I could it might be counter productive as it needs to be his choice to stop and find the help he needs.

I have thought long and hard about the children, I never knew it was still an issue until the youngest was born. Before that he'd been open and said he had a gambling problem years before we me and said it was under control and I took that at face value.
I lived with an addict as a child, my mum left after 13 years, at that point I was all too aware of the issue and no longer see my paternal father, who is still an addict.

Dear Betty that's such a shame that you have experienced this as a child as well. When they go to meetings they are given an orange book, that will show you if he went or not. This time around for me, I realised I needed a meeting. I'd been years before and thought I was in control, had the money in my account. I was kidding myself. I need support, I didn't care if he went to a meeting or not. So I went alone quite a drive but not too far. My cg was not happy , didn't want me to go, this was after his confession. So meeting was good, wake up call for me. The next day he said, I'll come next week. If you show him you are getting help and strength it will make him see this is the time. You're no fool. I don't believe that we are excluded from their behaviour, I think we need to learn how to deal with it.

Thank you for the reply

He is supposed to go tonight, I aren't sure who the meeting is with, would he get a book regardless of who runs the session?

Unfortunately the experience I had as a child was very difficult, it was a different addiction but ruined lives none the less.

I'll find a course starting next week, I'm currently finishing up a degree so time is precious but as of next week I'm not at university for months!

I feel like he's saying the right things now as he knows I'm not giving in but sticking to them is a different matter. I asked him this morning if he had remembered the meeting and it caused no end of grief.

Hi Betty Gamblers Anonymous is the meeting I presumed you were talking about. They give the orange book, its small like a notebook. Anyway he may be going to something else?? I'm sorry for you that when you ask it's another argument. It's a stressful time I hope he goes x

Merry go round wrote:

Hi Betty Gamblers Anonymous is the meeting I presumed you were talking about. They give the orange book, its small like a notebook. Anyway he may be going to something else?? I'm sorry for you that when you ask it's another argument. It's a stressful time I hope he goes x

He did go, which was a pleasant surprise. He brought the book back too. He was also a little more open to talking about his gambling when he got back which was a shock as he's always so closed and keeps me out.

Fingers crossed we are on the right track.
I've also located a meeting for me so I start next week.

Dear Betty that's good news. Keep talking to each other, he probably heard a few stories and hopefully got some advice. Look after yourself too.

My husband has let me down time after time. We have only been married 3years but with a 2 yr old and baby on the way, I have decided to divorce him. I can't do this again... I feel completely lost.

Dear Shelli11,

Really sorry to hear about your situation. If you would like to engage with others on the Forum, maybe start your own thread (topic) either here on the Family and Friends section, or the New Members Intro section.

All the very best, and keep posting.

Forum Admin

Dear Shelli so sorry to see this. You must be distraught , with baby on the way too is a lot of stress. I'm guessing your husband is still gambling. I hope you have some support. Regardless of your choice call gamcare and just talk to someone.