Hi, I know as with all addictions that it isn't going to just stop, but the logic behind my thinking is that a GA must be unhappy to gamble , however after this weekend im more confused. I caught my OH coming back from the bookies as I arrived home earlier than expected. He wasn't home when I arrived home and I just knew that this is where he was and when I asked he admitted it but seemed pleased with himself as he'd obviously won.....which is of no interest to me at all. As I questioned him about why etc his response was 'its none of your business!!!' He has been really happy and settled these past few weeks and I thought that this meant he wasn't gambling or had no thoughts to but obviously I am yet again proved wrong. How can this be none of my business? or is it really not and as long as he is't gambling my money or affecting bills being paid I have to ask myself is it really any of my business what he does with his money (when he manges to get his hands on any!) I was so angry, he seems so cold and matter of fact when I ask any questions about gambling, so I ended up leaving the house and spending time away as I did't want to feel angry all night . So I removed myself from the situation. Do I just have to accept that this is the way he is and just let it be? I guess I have to right? or im just fighing a constant losing battle and making myself unwell. I also ask myself why I was so mad and why whenever I think about him gambling it makes me so mad.....to which I cannot answer. Why can't I let it just be if thats what he wants to do?
Hi poon the gambling bothers you therefore it is a problem. It's a solitary secretive pastime. Why is it not your business, because it's his secret. You say the gambling will win eventually, it will if you don't tell him you can't live with it anymore. Most addiction is destructive and the addict needs to seek help to stop. Don't let it destroy you too. Get some help, talk to gamcare
Of course he thinks that it's none of your business! If it were your business, that would threaten his ability to freely gamble. And his ability to freely gamble is all that matters to him.
Poon, do you really want to live this way, with this Kafka type craziness and dysfunction? You have choices and doing nothing is one of them. If you want to help yourself, then start by taking help for you, from the Helpline, from counselling, from GamAnon. Focus on you, on doing what you can to improve your situation.
Look after you.
CW
Hi poon10
I could have written your story myself word for word. My husband who I had been with 6years never let me near any of his accounts and always maintained it was his money. At the time I believed him and naively left it. But he never had money and then he took out a 36000 loan because he had blown that in the casino, and I think the debt is more. He only admitted the loan to me as he took money from the joint account we had to pay bills.
I gathered the strength to tell him I needed to see the full extent, he obliged but told me he "wasn't going to change his spending habits". It was that moment I knew he didn't want to deal with the gambling problem, and I didn't want to live my life hoping for a change that wasn't even an option in his head. Even told me after 2weeks of counselling that he wasn't an addict anymore. He still isn't ready and I have made he decision to leave and start my life again. You have to do what's right for you but seek help with gamcare, they are so helpful with this and really helped me with gaining strength to be myself and make my own choices x
Hi Poon10.
You sem rightly upset ,confused and dare I say it a bit meek in having to put up with the situation. I know its not easy and I feel for you.
I refer you to my reply on Budgies thread because the same really applies to you.
I can only say again that Ive been a gambler and I wouldnt live with one. I dont know your financial situation or how much he is losing. Its not really a winners game so there will be losses which may be substantial.
My opinion is that any gambling affects you because it shows he is irresponsible with money. On a basic level you have a right to know if the roof over your head is covered financially and you have a right to know what he is spending on gambling.
I dont know about your relationship but I think you have a right to ask him if he is a compulsive gambler.
A problem gambler does have a choice to make if they want to save a relationship. Its also a choice you have to make.
If you have any close family to talk to they can offer some support.
Best wishes from everyone on the forum
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