Hiya it’s been a while since I posted here. I won’t bore you with the details but my story is like so many ppl.. my partner of 21 years has been gambling on and off for the whole time although things didn’t get really out of control until around 3/4 years ago when he started lying a lot more! He never really contributed to the household and wasn’t the best dad to our boys growing up ..in 2021 it came out he had been cheating on me and the gambling was also out of control. I ended it but we eventually got back together after his heartfelt promises of him saying he wanted to marry me and have holidays as we’ve missed out on so much over the years … he continued to lie and had a secret phone but in jan 2022 he started to put things in place to stop and really started to try … ga..counselling and cbt …he even tried hypnosis. However he has slipped up 4/5 times during the last year or so and now doesn’t bother with ga and although he still has blocks on stuff there’s nothing ongoing in place to help him. This is something I really struggle with as I was petrified of him maybe relapsing and he promised me he wasn’t and didn’t want to be that person anymore. But this weekend he’s just went mad ( his anxiety and anger absolutely needs addressing but his excuse is well I’m better than I used to be!)and ended the relationship for good . He says I just nag nag nag at him and he never wanted to marry me ever and all thru the last year he has been just grinning and bearing it! I am angry and heartbroken that I put so much work into saving us and he has done the bear minimum just to keep me off his back. He doesn’t seem to realise he’s screwed up my life too with his addiction and I’m in constant fight or flight mode. I feel so stupid that I’ve wasted yet more time trying to make it work. He minimises the cheating to others even the counsellors and tells them .. she finished with me so I went and met someone else!! I did finish him because he lied about gambling again but he freely admits to me that he was on dating sites for a year before this and had been chatting daily with the woman for 3 months before they met when we were trying to work it out or I was !! I’m so so broken and I’m finding the whole thing so very harrowing. He also won’t move out and adding to my heartbreak.. I’ve just found a lump in my breast and his reaction was … oh I’m sorry to hear that!! I honestly don’t think he is human!! Help me?
Dear @nomorelee
It can be confusing, upsetting and exhausting living with the impact of a loved ones gambling and I can hear how hard this has been for you. Hopefully you will find some encouragement and support from the members of our forum but just thought I would let you know that there is free support available should you need a safe space to process and explore your own feelings around this as you are deserving of kindness and support. Please do contact us anytime on 0808 8020 133 or via live chat if you need to, you are not alone.
Take Care
Rachel
Forum Admin
Hello, I think he needs to lose you for good and you may need therapy too. Blocks in place dont mean anything as he will always find a way... I know i did. It's crazy how gambling can ruin a life! He knows that you love him but he probably needs you now.
Thankyou for your reply .. he went out yesterday at 1pm and sed he was going to view a spare room but he never returned til 8.30 pm and that was because I was txting him … he admitted that he’d been in the betting shop all day he had driven out of the area and he has now lost another £300 in a day! He can’t afford it! I’m totally ruined by all this but I keep going back and trying to help him! I just can’t do this anyone even though I part of me loved him I hate who he is and how weak he is. I feel like I’m always the strong one and I need someone to look after me and comfort me. It’s a harrowing life to live … I have a constant heavy dread day in day out . I’m now in the process of waiting for counselling and reaching out… Thankyou so much for you reply x
Hi
He is in a lot of pain and suffering and it has nothing to do about you.
He is losing far more than money and he does nto know which way to turn.
I thought that I would be the last person on this planet to stop gambling.
Today I am over 30 ears clean.
Only when he values himself can he is ever have a healthy realtionship with you or another person.
He is in a very vulnerable painful time in his life.
You are not able to heal his pains.
You are not able to reduce his fears.
He can not love you untill he loves him self.
Dave L
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