We are going away for valentines weekend. I decided it was a normal household expense, so i made it that we can afford it, I know we need some time away from all the kids and the job and the decorating, it will be good.
Had a mini meltdown this morning because last time we went away we arrived at the hotel only for me to find out my bank account had been emptied and it was so humiliating, one of my final straws.
The hotel is already paid for, the meals are already paid for, we dont drink because he also drinks compulsively and has absteined from that too. I have cash in my purse. I have double, triple, quadruple checked everything and it's all ok.
Just a little panic about nothing really, but he's at work, older kids are at school, little one has already gone to grandparents, there was no-one to tell but you, so thankyou for listening, i feel better now.
Recovery is something we're all doing, gamblers and their loved ones alike, it's good to talk to people who understand.
Mr pangolin thinks I am so calm and patient, if only he knew that my mind races so much at times that ther isnt time to show it on the outside, i just get paralysed. I dont have many nice clothes, so for a weekend away I have to pack pretty much the same bag i did when we went away before. I have failed so far, i stand in front of the wardrobe, think too much and have to go do something else for a bit. Just about to make my seventh attempt to investigate the wardrobe. I should have bought something new in hindsight.
It is indeed the gift that keeps on giving.
Thankyou, i am going to enjoy it once we're past the check in desk, I am sure of that.
Hi Pangulin,
Just been reading your post and wanted to comment, you are doing fantastic, you really are.
I am a CG who has not gambled for 291 days now, and yet my OH still gets panicky when he uses his bank card, in case the account is empty, it's not Ofcourse now ( I don't even know his new PIN number) that was changed on day one of my recovery, but I do understand his anxiety, it happened so many times to him, and I understand yours.
Have a lovely romantic weekend.
Oh and the support you give others on here, is great,
Best wishes
Suzanne x
Wow 291 days!
That's brilliant.
Thankyou for the kind words, it will be a good weekend i'm sure we have both earned it, to the best of my knowledge he has been 50 days gambling free, and since he started GA meetings he has been a proper gentleman, there is much to celebrate.
wanted to say have a great time as well pangolin
looking forward to hearing how it goes
Hi.....I need advice....in 2011 I met the man of my dreams, I fell madly in love. But soon into the relationship I felt he was hiding something from me, it soon came out that he is a compulsive gambler, it scared me because my mother is a alcoholic so I am aware of what addiction can do to a person and their family. but I followed my heart and stood by him. I paid some of his debt off but he is in such bad debt I didnt even scratch the surface. Our relationship lasted two years, I tried my best, brought him to meetings, counseling, I was always there for him even when he had a slip. But it all got to much for me and it started to affect me, I was soon taken anti depression pills. I walked away from him, it was the hardest thing I had to do as I was still in love him but my health was been effected by his gambling. 4 years later we are still friends, I am still in love him with him and he is aware of this. We dont talk about his gambling anymore as it usually would cause an argument but I want to be with this man more than anything hence why I couldnt completely walk away from him. I have expressed this to him recently, he was unable to give me the answer I wanted to hear though....he told me he was in a bad place and struggling again....I love him so much that all I want to do is help him and stand by him but I dont think he wants to get help. He has been in rehab twice, and has even tried hypnosis but never went back for a second session. I have done research on how to help a gambler but everything they suggest I have already done with him in the past....I am torn, he is a good person deep down but the gambling takes over and changes him. Do I stand by him again? I feel like I can handle it better this time but how can I help him, please can some advice be given. Thank u
Hi s1987
The basic answer to your question is always the same unfortunately. He will continue to gamble until he wants to stop. We all experience a 'rock bottom', or 'bottoms', because I can assure you there can be more than one. Some of my ex-gambling colleagues at GA went through horrific experiences, yet still continued to gamble.
Ga and counselling are the 2 best options open to him. BUT they will only work if he wants to stop gambling. Some members of GA were literally dragged into their first few meetings. A few abstained from gambling but most went back to their old habit.
You will have to seriously consider your own health if you take on his addiction. As in the past, this can beat you up mentally, physically, and financially. I can't tell you what to do. Remember this though. You do have to take care of number one. You are of no help to anyone if you suffer from help given to him. If you do take this on, promise yourself that you will walk away before it gets to the stage that it has in the past.
Take care
Take your time, you don't have to decide the rest of your life in one go today, jut take it one day at a time, no rush, keep talking...
s1987 wrote:
Hi.....I need advice....in 2011 I met the man of my dreams, I fell madly in love. But soon into the relationship I felt he was hiding something from me, it soon came out that he is a compulsive gambler, it scared me because my mother is a alcoholic so I am aware of what addiction can do to a person and their family. but I followed my heart and stood by him. I paid some of his debt off but he is in such bad debt I didnt even scratch the surface. Our relationship lasted two years, I tried my best, brought him to meetings, counseling, I was always there for him even when he had a slip. But it all got to much for me and it started to affect me, I was soon taken anti depression pills. I walked away from him, it was the hardest thing I had to do as I was still in love him but my health was been effected by his gambling. 4 years later we are still friends, I am still in love him with him and he is aware of this. We dont talk about his gambling anymore as it usually would cause an argument but I want to be with this man more than anything hence why I couldnt completely walk away from him. I have expressed this to him recently, he was unable to give me the answer I wanted to hear though....he told me he was in a bad place and struggling again....I love him so much that all I want to do is help him and stand by him but I dont think he wants to get help. He has been in rehab twice, and has even tried hypnosis but never went back for a second session. I have done research on how to help a gambler but everything they suggest I have already done with him in the past....I am torn, he is a good person deep down but the gambling takes over and changes him. Do I stand by him again? I feel like I can handle it better this time but how can I help him, please can some advice be given. Thank u
hi as having been a gambler for 51 years and now abstained ( apart from very small family lottery syndicate. May I suggest have you ever thought he has ADD.I never imagined I had but now I am convinced I have suffered from it for years .You could easily look for an online test as you are his partner presumably you know him well enough to answer the questions.I know it may not be the answer but it could be,and if it is maybe some medication may help.I wish you well.
If I can give you more advice you are welcome to my email adress.My partner doesn't know about my problem but obviously I feel for you.so far 87 days without gambling .
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