My partner has stolen over £2k from me. It's not the first time but it absolutely is the last.
He has been helping himself to my cash savings for god-knows how long now, with the plan to put it back before I'd notice. Been caught twice. Once was £1k. This time it's more than £2,300 (and he doesnt know when he can pay it back!!). He tried to take another £500 but I noticed before he'd had the chance to get to a casino.
He's now sold pretty much everything he owns except his car.
He doesn't pay rent, bills, food, clothes for the kids - NOTHING. I'm sick to death of having to provide for a grown man who makes plenty of money.
Stealing from me has just sent me over the edge to be honest.
I was already having trust issues with him since he was caught on dating sites, while working in Europe, and lying about money... he was supposed to be earning my trust back but he's gone and basically set fire to that plan now.
He refuses to leave my home. He has threatened suicide. He's spoken to Gamblers Anonymous and will be going to meetings soon but makes a point to tell me that I'm 'forcing him'. He's convinced he's one big win away from fixing everything.
I know, deep down, that he isn't going to stop. If he doesn't make that decision for himself then it just isn't going to happen. I've been avoiding any and all physical affection and that just makes him angry and say he might aswell go gamble or top himself.
So now I'm being emotionally blackmailed.
Great.
Fantastic.
I honestly just don't know what to do.
I want him to leave and go sort himself out. I don't even feel like he wants my support... he just wants a human ATM.
He's hurt me so much and all this hostility is affecting the kids too. 💔
How do I help him while also protecting myself and my kids???
Are you here right now
How do I help him while also protecting myself and my kids???
You take the kids and leave tomorrow
Hi there. I cannot even begin to imagine the torment of this situation my initial reaction is to make sure you have your home base as the stress of leaving home will further complicate matters
Now once you have that settled the real work can begin just remember that you and your children deserve a good life look after yourself and them one hundred percent firstly
As for your partner he has to completely surrender to a full treatment plan and have all financial sources redirected to safe harbour even if indeed he has a good incom from working abroad then this must be paid into a reparations account for past actions by himself
He has to learn the meaning of the words respect, humility and responsibility but most importantly get back to being in your lives
If he can come through this then hope is still there
Be tough but well organised and get all possible help from family and addiction counselling organisations on a daily basis
Keep posting here and you are braver than you think you are
Best
I've caught him twice since posting this. Both times I've been screamed at that I've "robbed him of the opportunity" to tell me himself. Which is obviously nonsense because he'd lost and days had gone by. One other time he's gambled (that I know of) he told me straight away because he'd won and wanted me to hold the money so he didn't spend it (was both irritated and proud- irritated he'd gambled, proud that he'd asked for the money to be taken from him so he couldn't with the rest).
Had a rather amusing exchange just now that went...
Him: couldn't help yourself, getting your grubby little fingers in my business, could you? Are you proud of yourself?
Me: are proud of yourself? You couldn't keep your grubby hands off my money.
Him: yeah I am proud of myself. And no, I couldn't help myself. I'm not well and you're making it worse.
I shouldn't laugh, of course, because addiction is a serious thing but I can't help but laugh because this is just insanity and if I don't laugh I'll cry.
I'm hoping he's about to leave in a huff.
I am not sure if you are already accessing support from our helpline team, but if you would like our support or any extra support, please do reach out to us if you would like to, as it sounds like you are going through a very challenging time at the moment. We are here to support people that are affected by another person’s gambling, as well as those that have problem gambling issues themselves. Our team can be reached in the following ways: HelpLine on 0808 8020 133, our WhatsApp service and our 1:1 Livechat are open 24 hours every day.
Take care
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