I'll start with worst. I found my brother's dead body at 32 yo in my parents house, gambling was a large part in his demise. My son is 24, and he's just lost his relationship to the same. The difference is my son can really talk and he honest. That is up to this point. I feel he will lie to me and that will be the end. I'll never trust him again when and if he does . I live alone and although I've no shame and have tried to share this with my friends but no one understands, I struggle with my next move. He's a couple grand in debt to me. I live alone as an almost 50 yo female, I guess I want someone to tell me to kick his a*s... He's never struggled, an he should right? I really have gone through so much in my life ... Someone tell me to make him suffer, or tell me to continue supporting and being sympathic an he'll eventually appreciate this an come right? Give me your worst, I think I need some hard facts? Please reply...
Â
Hi I’m the wife of compulsive gambler. I’m not very clear on what is happening with your son. These are a few basics.
Don’t  give a gambler money, don’t pay their debts. This enables them to gamble, borrow more.
Offer emotional support but don’t sort things out for them.
Let go and allow them to make the decisions. A gambler needs to take responsibility.
Get help for yourself, learn to put yourself first, detach.
Only believe what you see, gamblers are expert liars and manipulators.
Talk to someone at gamcare.
good luck
Â
I agree with Merry go round. I am a gambler and i was very good at lying and hiding things. I have been lucky in that husband has taken over the finances. But I wanted to give up. He has to want to give up. Don’t borrow him any more moneyÂ
I was a compulsive gambler and if I had money I would waste it gambling and then lie to my wife. I was desperate for a solution so turned all finances over to my wife. things are ok now that i do not have money to gamble with.
I agree with Merry go Round when saying: 'Don’t  give a gambler money, don’t pay their debts. This enables them to gamble, borrow more.'
don't be angry over lies a gambler tells they really can't help it it is part of the addiction. Try to work things out. there is always a solution if you search hard enough. I hope you can sort this out.
First you need to concentrate on building your self-esteem. There is plenty advice on the internet on how to do this.
Don't give him money or pay his debts - this will not help him. If he hits you because you won't give him money / pay his debts, call the police immediately.Â
Good luck.
Â
Thanks so much for your time, he's paid me back a couple pay days and continued to keep me updated, truthfully I think, and not always what I want to hear which I truly appreciate... You guys have given me a bit of support/advice/back up which has encouraged me to keep trying to find the right way to deal with this. I'm far from a perfect person which has made it hard for me to be judgemental and maybe put my foot down sometimes. Your words have really helped - thanks, take care and perhaps we'll just all carry on trying whatever struggle sand we have to face?Â
@merry-go-round thank you so much, your support has helped
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
