Hi,
I am a single mum with 2 children at college. I was brought up with gambling from a very young age and still gamble now, due to boredom mainly. It does not cause me problems financially as I only play what I can afford to lose. Due to family with addictions I am aware that this could become an addiction for me but for now things are ok.
I suffer with depression and anxiety and I am trying to support my son with his gambling addiction and it's so stressful. I don't know what I can do to help him.
It is having such a devastating effect on him and his family I am really struggling....
About 3 years ago I cut ties with him as he was an alcoholic and he desperately needed help but would to seek it. He ended up homeless, nearly died a few times, got beaten up and got in trouble with the police. It was a hard time for me as a mother to have to turn my back on him in the hope that he would get help. In 2013 he took his first step to becoming alcohol free by going into rehab. He completed this and has been alcohol free for 22 months. However an underlying problem he has with gambling has resurfaced and now that he is living an independant life miles away from family things are getting worse. He is a full time student at college and spends most of his money gambling. Often putting things in to pawn to feed his habit. Recently he admitted he was considering online gambling again (something he had a massive problem with years ago and ran up a large debt). He has not seen his young son for 2 years due to the drinking and his confidence is at an all time low now that the gambling has got worse. He feels his life is falling apart and from where I am standing it looks like it is.
I suffer with anxiety and stress from work and over the years I have found the problems with my sons illness very frustrating. I want to help him as all mothers would, want him to be independant and try to get help. He is going to counselling once every 2 weeks but it's not having much effect on him so far. I can feel myself spiralling into depression with the worry and I don't know what to do.
Are there any other people on here who are trying to support gamblers in the family?
Hi Bluemoon
My 26 year old son is a compulsive gambler. Unfortunately you are in the same position as you were with his alcohol addiction. This is his deal and nothing you do or say ( believe me I have tried everything ) is going to make a difference.
Yes as a mom it is devastating and gut wrenching to watch them destroy their lives and futures. We want to fix, we want to help but it is not our battle. Can you find a Gam Anon or other support group? It is amazing the relief you can get from not feeling so alone!
Please take care of yourself... you can't let yourself go down with the ship!
Yes it does feel like the same things happening again. When I left him homeless and had no contact I felt so bad, I would cry every night. Waiting for the police to knock on the door with bad news. I know I am being negative but after my first divorce when I gave my husband custody of my son I missed out on so much and all I want to do is help him. It's a vicous circle and I have had support in the past with my depression and anxiety but your right I do need more counselling or something. I am a single mum and life is hard enough....
You have reason to be negative Bluemoon. It's awful what both you and your son have and are going through. If you can find some support you at least have a chance of getting a new perspective. The worry and the stress can and will take you down and in all honesty it doesn't help anybody least of all yourself. I know it is so so hard but please try and find some ways to improve your own mental health. Keep writing on here, do some reading, find a Gam Anon group. Unfortunately the main thing you are going to hear is that there is nothing you can do for your son. However, there is lots you can do for you and sometimes that inadvertently ends up helping your CG as a by-product and self-care is never a bad thing!!
Hugs to you Bluemooon!!
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