(Posted: Tue 08 Apr 2014 23:55:10 by cookie19 in 'New members intros' section)
my husband is a compulsive gambler and in the 12 years ive known him, he has probably done 10 months in recovery and the odd 90 days here and there. He has gone missing for lmonths on end gambling and living either in homeless shelters or gaining his own home, through social housing. In the four years we have been married, he hasnt stayed for longer than 6 months and disappeared for 12 months in this period of time. After reconciliation in May 2013, i insisted he keep his flat, as i didnt want to see him homeless again. he lasted til the beginning of december 2013 and disappeared again, with no contact for 4 months. he rang me out the blue to tell me he couldnt stop gambling and his life was a mess. i love him very nuch and i understand the power of addiction after being addicted to cannabis for 17 years. he is now asking to come back home, so he can start his recovery programme and make amends, obviously, i have heard this same b******t for 12 years and im at my wits end on what i can do to help me make the right decision and continue to stand by him, even though I know he can take off at anytime for no reason and i wont see him for months and months. he has promised to go to a ga meeting tomorrow, but is not keen on me attending the ga non meetings, he said if i attend he will not go! im stuck trying to do the right thing..... any advice would be appreciated, he has just been diagnosed with autism, bio-polar and adhd and feel he can now use those illness to justify his gambling.....just need some h elp anyone
jen x
Hello Jen,
Well done for posting on the forum and reaching out for some support. I’ve moved your post to the ‘Family and friends’ section as you might get more replies here.
You mentioned that your husband has received several diagnoses recently, so perhaps he is getting treatment on the NHS? The NHS has a National Problem Gambling Clinic in Soho, central north west London, that might be interesting for your husband to look into as a possible source of treatment.
It sounds like you feel inclined to be supportive of your husband, though he doesn’t want you to attend Gamanon meetings. I think it is sensible for you to seek some kind of support for yourself, as it sounds like your husband has considerable needs, vulnerabilities and perhaps challenging behaviour, which may present you with a need for support as a carer. Please feel welcome to talk it over with a GamCare adviser on 0808 8020 133.
Take care,
Adam.
Posted: Wed 09 Apr 2014 17:01:25 by zulu13
Hi Jen,
I am really sorry to hear about this situation you are in. As you have said yourself addiction has a great deal of power and even when we want to stop it wont always be enough. Saying that if you partner really does want to stop it maybe that he needs to get treated by a gambling rehab facility initially. I do not know much about them except that they do exist I am sure one of the gamcare advisors would be able to assist you with better details.
You are in a very difficult position regarding your relationship, you have been extremely supportive and forgiving and to be honest most people would have given up by now, I commend your loyalty. Perhaps you can suggest that if he is serious about giving up his addiction then he will go into a rehabilitation centre and prove that he can abstain for a period of time before you agree to take him back. If he really loves you he will move heaven and earth to be with you.
I am no expert on relationships but I do know that you need to make sure being with him is really what you want. If this cycle of returning to gambling continues where are you going to draw the line?
I am sorry if this sounds harsh but you sound like a good person in a bad place with a difficult decision to make and if your partner is placing ultimatums on you seeking advise and help from ga then you need to ask yourself why?
Read some of the family and friends threads on here will help you to see the difficulties others in a similar situation have faced. Do speak to one of the advisors they can point you in the right direction.
All the best
Amanda
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